Deadly as trust

Fifteen: Miriam

My breathing slowed as I snuggled closer to Jide. I couldn't believe it — we had sex and multiple times this morning. It was like we didn't want to reason or pause, it just happened.

It shocked me, how he was able to go from being guarded to having insane sex with me. My mind glided back to how it started, how he kissed me. I didn't know why I kissed back and suddenly, my mind went off.

I could have pushed him away, but I didn't. It wasn't like any sex I had had back in the brothel, this one was not forced or done without emotion. It was crazy enough that I found at least a little emotion in our intimacy.

I felt Jide's strong arms around me, tugging me closer. It seemed like he had changed, this part of him was softer and I liked it.

I unconsciously began to draw small circles on his toned chest, breathing with content as the blanket covered our naked bodies.

"I can't believe we did that.", he almost whispered.

"Neither can I."

A part of me wondered what everything would turn into. If we would grow emotions.

"I can't remember the last time I did that, the last time I felt that.", his voice came out very low, I imagined he was talking more to himself.

"Jide."

"Mmm?"

"Do you drink every time you're upset?"

"Yes.", I was surprised to hear that. I expected him to tell me to mind my business.

But then his answer sank into me, I felt sorry for him. He chose to be an alcoholic over sharing his problems. He was lonely without even knowing it.

"Are you upset?", I asked trying to sound casual but deep down I wanted to know. He let out a low chuckle.

"No Miriam, I had a  great time."

I felt a little relief that he didn't regret it at least.

"So Miriam, how did you end up at the brothel? You still haven't answered my question of yesterday."

"It's a long story."

"Do you trust me enough to tell me?"

I thought about any implications that might come with telling him but after some consideration, I just thought that somebody needed to know at least, I hadn't talked about it to anybody and nobody had asked, except him. And I wanted to make up for yesterday.

"I guess."

"Then tell me about it. I want to hear it."

Tell me about it. Okay then.

"When I was born, my mother didn't want me. I guess it was because I was abandoned by my dad. Nevertheless, she raised me till I turned seven at least, then she sold me —" I paused, the deep feeling of sadness overwhelmed me and for a moment I pictured exactly how the day was, it changed my life for the worse. I tried to keep myself from crying, not now — "After that, I never saw her again, even till today. Her image is still a little bit faded in my memory. It's something I keep trying push back."

I released a breath I didn't know I was holding. I felt Jide stroke my back.

"You don't have to tell me if you can't or if you don't want to. I'll understand."

No, I needed to tell someone, to get it out of my chest and besides I had already started it. I didn't reply to what he said, I just continued.

"I stayed with her, working as one of her maids till I was eighteen. Those were bad years. I worked long hours with little food and sleep. She had six maids in total, we were all malnourished. Eventually, she sold me to the brothel. That was where you met me. The owner of the brothel, we called her Majoress, she said I was a replacement. At first, it seemed okay. She fattened me up to an extent together with two other people who came in with me. Then she told us about our tasks every night — to service other men who came to the night club. She brainwashed us, made it so simple."

I paused, suddenly feeling dirty and used, in reality I was. Jide stroked my back again, nudging me closer to him and reminding me that I didn't have to finish the story if I didn't want to. But I wanted to, I wanted to finish everything. I assured him that I was fine with telling it.

"So, I was disvirgined in a brothel by a man who insulted me after it for my lack of skills and experience. A part of me felt used but Majoress told me it would go. I started caving to her influence with time, feeling that I was doing what was best for my survival — she made us think that — and it became normal to me. That was until I turned twenty and had a rethink of my life. I've been planning on how to leave ever since, till you saved me from those gunmen."

No matter what, I owed Jide a lot for saving me. My life had changed since he came into it. I had people to care for me. It was the home I never had. I owed them a lot.

"I had no idea."

Jide stroked my head.

"When I see somebody hurt Jide, it reminds me of myself. I want you to know that I can understand anything you're going through and I am very concerned. You were drunk last night and I had never seen you so vulnerable, ever."

"I know you are. I'm just scared."

Scared?

"Things have happened long before now and I'm trying to keep you and Jamilah as far away from it as possible and I don't want you to question it."

I suddenly wanted to help, at least because he had helped me so much. He didn't even realize how lonely he had made himself.

"Jide. I want to hear your story."

He looked at me, I knew he wasn't expecting it.

He looked away and sighed.

"I'm sorry but, it's better you don't. You have to understand that."

Why was this happening after I had told him everything about my past?

"No. You just don't trust me, not the way you're asking me to trust you."

"I just don't want to talk about it Miriam and I won't. Don't go back to being stubborn.", he suddenly turned very rigid. Whatever it was, he was overly protective about it. I shifted away from him.

"I'm stubborn? You're the one who doesn't even act like he's surrounded by people."

"Was this your plan? Having sex with me to get me to talk about it?", he snapped.

I tried not to be offended.

"You know what? Forget about it. I'm tired of this, of you and I thought you were finally warming up."

And to think I was beginning to have a soft spot for him.

"Have a nice day at work."

I left the bed and quickly dressed up while he looked away with balled fists. Then I left the room, feeling dark and empty. So much for trusting him.

~~~

Author's note: I am so sorry I haven't updated in days. Things happened and now I'm busy with something else but I'll still try to update regularly.

So...

Who else thought that things were moving too fast?

Now they're going back to scratch.

But if you think things weren't going so fast and you're not happy with the new development, still don't give up on me.

Much love from your girl 😘