Chapter 5

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Days melted together and weeks passed since you last saw anyone from the Shelby family. John came once, tried to say how he felt but you stopped him before he would regret saying something serious. He had a wife now, and you're not the one who's gonna come between them. You thought about going away for a while but your job made you stay and was the only thing that kept your mind off the whole situation. One day you heard a knock on your door. You opened it in your nightgown with a bottle of wine in your hands that you opened as soon as you came home from work.
„Oh, (Y/N)... What are you doing to yourself..." Sarah said looking at the state you were in. You just rolled your eyes at her and tried to close the door on her but she stopped it from closing.
„Leave me alone, Sarah. I don't need your judging right now." You murmured out but scooted over at the door so she could come inside.
„I am just worried about you, that's all. And I know you are hurt, but I love you and want to see you more often." Sarah said in a desperate tone, trying to take away your bottle of wine.
„Well tough luck, baby." You said jerking the bottle away from her so that she couldn't take it. There was a moment of silence when you took a big gulp of the wine and just started crying, now sitting on the bottom stair of the staircase. She just looked at you and started hugging you as you cried on her shoulder.
„Shhh... It's gonna be fine (Y/N). You need to confront everyone and you will come out stronger for it. I think these beautiful eyes had enough of crying. And if you want to drink it away, it's always better with company." She took the bottle and a big swig of wine as well, making you smile while looking at her as she continued: „You know that, right? I am always here for you. And Arthur says he's really sorry, if it means anything to you... You know it was all Tommy's orders and no one has anything against you." At the mention of that bloody bastard Tommy, you frowned, but nevertheless you thought about what she said. You also knew you couldn't hide forever, after all – Small Heath is indeed small. You decided to spend the day with your sister, talking and drinking all night, and tomorrow you would go to the Garrison with your head held high, to show everyone what they've been missing.

The following day you put on that white flowy spring dress and headed to the Garrison, hand in hand with your sister. She looked really proud of you, and of herself for getting you out of the house. Few steps before entering she asked: „Are you sure with the Garrison? We could go to the Marquis if you'd like that better?" You didn't say anything except tug at her to go in the Garrison. You were a new woman and no man was worth your tears for weeks on end. As you entered you could see Tommy leaned on the doorway and Grace singing looking at him. He had a faint smile while listening to her sing. You could see she had a cut on her forehead and Tommy didn't look the best either, but you couldn't care less. Whatever happened to him, he deserved it. You entered, loudly shutting the door behind you so Grace stopped singing and Tommy turned around to face you. You looked at the both of them and without a word brushed Tommy's elbow a little too hard as you walked by. Your sister just stood and looked at what you were doing, following you a few steps behind and sitting at a table with you.
„What was that (Y/N)? When I said confront I didn't mean elbow the man." Sarah couldn't help but comment.
„What happened to Grace?" you swiftly changed the subject.
„Oh, they had trouble the other day, some Irishmen came here and Grace fired at them. And apparently Tommy killed one with his bare hands. Arthur didn't want to tell me the details tho..." Sarah said while sipping on whiskey in her glass.
„Of course, Tommy's an animal so I don't doubt that for a second." You said with a slight smirk while looking at him. If looks could kill, he would really be a dead man. You bounced your leg because of nervousness and anger that was building up in you and stood up just to walk up to Tommy.
„Outside. Now." You ordered which caught Tommy by surprise so he smirked but obeyed.
He smoked a cigarette waiting for you to say something, just looking at you confused.
„You gonna hit me again?" he made a joke but you didn't laugh one bit.
„I just wanted to know, do you really not care about your brother at all? Or could you have given me a heads up at least. You know, just say something like ' I'm gonna marry John off so don't get attached'?!" you blurted out quickly, getting heated and angry in an instant.
„Yes I could but then it wouldn't work. And how dare you say I don't care about John, I did it for my family!" Thomas now said, but it wasn't the 3 words you wanted to hear. A simple 'I am sorry' would be a good start, but you knew Tommy didn't apologize to anyone.
„It's like talking to a brick wall, Tommy. Just see it from my perspective, if you will??" you said but stopped to come closer to him and look him straight in the eye before you continued: „What if Grace was suddenly married, huh?" Saying this you weren't sure about how strong the feelings he had for Grace were but was hoping it would spark something in him.
He stopped, looking straight at you and like he realized what he did to you. Maybe he had a heart after all...
„I'm..." he tried to continue but instead just took your hand and played with your fingers a bit while looking at them. You just stood frozen, looking him in his insanely blue eyes. He then noticed how puffy your eyes were from crying and his eyes said how sorry he was that he was the one who made you so sad.
„I forgive you." You said breaking the silence in the hopes of being the bigger man, and getting some closure on this period of your life so you could move on. He looked relieved that you forgave him and gave you a faint smile, letting go of your hand.
„Good luck with Grace, Tommy. Hope it works out for you." You forced yourself to say it, even tho he didn't deserve your geniality.
He stood outside and smoked another cigarette, inhaling deeply while looking at the floor, and you went inside to be joined again by your sister. You kept looking at Grace, noticing how nervous she looked. A thought crossed your mind, how you would like to be in her shoes, but you brushed it off straight away and sipped on whiskey.

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