Chapter 15

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In defeat you sat on the bed, deciding whether to go and stop Tommy or stay and wait for him to come back. Your body was tired but you had a lot on your mind as you kept thinking about Grace's letter and now anticipating the worst outcome of Tommy's conversation with John. Also there was Esme, you had to talk to her and explain, but right now wasn't the time. Now was the time to snuggle up in bed with the father of your unborn child, but he wasn't here. Sometimes you wondered what was going on inside his head, why does he distance himself in a second, but you were optimistic the baby would change it. You knew his head was full of unimaginable scenarios, filled with blood and dust, and he only knew this way, his way. Sometimes he was abrupt and harsh, even to you, but you understood, only this time it hurt a bit more. A million thoughts on your mind, you drifted asleep amidst all that worry.

In the morning you woke up, hoping Tommy would be next to you, only to find a blanket over your body and a piece of paper that read 'Come to the office'. You hurried up and got dressed, wearing the same dress as yesterday as you didn't have time to go home. The whole situation, and possible confrontation, made you sick to your stomach, making you run to the toilet before heading out. The walk to the office felt like forever and the cold weather didn't help the feeling, as your hands went numb for a second before entering the betting shop. Tommy was sitting in his office, reading the papers, and you knocked on the door loudly before entering. He stood up, put out his cigarette and to your surprise seemed glad to see you, greeting you with open arms. The warm welcome confused you as he was absolutely fuming last night when he left, but nonetheless you snuggled into his arms, your cold cheek resting on his chest.

„Happy birthday, love." Tommy said, surprising you with the words.

„Wait, what?" you said, a bit taken aback, as you actually managed to forget about it.

„It's your birthday, isn't it?" Thomas asked, now holding you by your shoulders and examining the baffled expression on your face.

„Yes... it is..." you said slowly but continued: „What happened with John?" Tommy's face turned a slight frown at your question and he decided to actively ignore it.

„Come to the Garrison tonight, and wear this." Tommy said, making you turn your attention to the big golden box he put in front of you. As you opened the box you saw a beautiful dark blue dress, with silver beads around the neckline and shoulders, and long lace sleeves. 'Wow' was all you could think and say.

„Thank you." You said softly and placed a small kiss on his lips to which he kissed you back with the same tenderness.

„Anything for you." Thomas said in almost a whisper while looking deep into your eyes.

As you folded the dress and put it back into the box, Thomas took your hand and pulled you closer.

„One more thing." He said as he pulled a velvet box from behind his back. „Turn around." He instructed and you did so, now facing away from him. You could hear him opening the box and feel his hands on your neck as he put the most beautiful silver necklace with a heart pendant engrossed in dark blue gemstones. „So you know you always have my heart."

„Oh, Thomas..." You traced your fingers over the pendant and looked at it admiring it's beauty before leaping into Tommy's arms and smothering him with kisses. All he could do was smile at you and he knew how happy he made you with that sentence. Soon enough, after a lot of kissing and hugging you left Tommy in his office and went home carrying the big golden box in your hands.

The night came and you were all done up, with your hair and make up made up to perfection and the dress fitting like a glove, successfully hiding the small stomach bump. You looked in the mirror and caressed your stomach smiling at it. Tommy, you and the baby. A family. The thought made you happier than ever as you put on your black heels and went to the Garrison. Tommy was waiting for you in front of the pub, looking as handsome as ever as you noticed he wore a suit the same dark blue color to match your dress. His jaw almost dropped when he saw you in the distance, as he tried to keep a straight face but couldn't help but smile. You placed a tender kiss onto his lips and smiled sweetly.

„You look incredible." Tommy said, looking you up and down one too many times and making you blush. You rolled your eyes and took his hand as you walked into the Garrison only to see Arthur, Finn, Ada and Polly, as well as your sister and other friends raise a glass to your name and shout in unison: „Happy birthday!" The sight made you immensely happy, you were grinning from ear to ear and your sister ran towards you, hugging you so tight you almost couldn't breathe.

„Happy birthday, sis!! Here you go." Sarah said and gave you an envelope with too much money in it.

„Jesus Sarah?! I can't take this." You said and tried to give the envelope back but she refused, making a frowny face and holding her hands to her hips.

„It's for your travelling. You always said you wanted to travel the world, so maybe this will help. Hell, you could maybe visit boring aunt Svetlana in Tbilisi." Sarah said through a smile, making you laugh.

„Thank you." You said, embracing Sarah tightly. Tommy came towards you with a glass of champagne and led you to the table where Polly, Arthur and Ada were sat.

„Happy birthday, sister-in-law!" Arthur teased and gave you a big hug. Polly hugged you dearly, even tho the last few times you spoke she wasn't really nice to you.

That's a beautiful dress and you look amazing, darling." Ada complimented right away, making you feel she helped to pick it out. For the first time in a while you felt true happiness among these people, all people you love in a room together. Only thing bothering you was the fact John wasn't there, and despite the situation, you wanted him there. Before you could ask Ada about John, he popped behind you asking you if you could talk privately. You went into the corner of the room with John, surprised and happy to see him there.

„Look, (Y/N)... I want to apologize. Shouldn't have acted the way that I did. I was a bit drunk and all. I am really happy for you and Tommy." as John said it he briefly looked over to Tommy who was following his every move before looking back into your eyes. You didn't say anything, just embraced him tightly and held the hug a little bit longer.

„I am really glad you two worked things out." You said sincerely, looking deep into John's eyes before going back to the table.

The music was loud and the night was young and you danced the night away with Sarah and Ada, both drunk as ever, making you laugh as Tommy watched and sipped on whiskey. You missed nights like these, nights without worries, and just laughing until your stomach hurts. Tommy came towards you and asked for a dance like a proper gentleman to what you laughed and took his hand.

„Thank you Tommy, I really needed this." You said quietly, so only he could hear, to what he gave you a kiss.

Your little moment was broken as Arthur called for Tommy. There was a call on the line for him so he walked over to the phone. You realized you left your purse with Tommy and couldn't find it so you followed him.

„Thomas, where did you put my purse?" you said, approaching the back of the pub where the telephone was.

„Grace, I can't talk right now... What letter?... It's (Y/N)'s birthday, I told you... Yes, I will call you." You could hear Tommy say quietly into the phone and it made your heart sink. His eyes met yours as he hung up the phone and stood up abruptly.

„Oh..." You stood there, processing what you heard, only to walk away like nothing happened, wiping away the tear on your cheek that escaped your eye. You took a bottle of whiskey and chugged a bit before returning to mingle with guests. Tommy followed you but saw your facade so he presumed you hadn't heard much. The rest of the night was a blur as you drank too much, even though you said you wouldn't because of the baby. The last thing you remember from the night was you repeating the words: 'Why can't I just be enough?'

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