Innocence {VKOOK}

Refugee-30

   Hoseok is worried about Yoongi.

   A few days after the funeral, Yoongi had shown up at his doorstep in the middle of the night. He was soaked by the rain and carrying a small luggage and bag, his expression unreadable. To be honest, he looked like shit.

   He had asked if he could stay with him for a few days, and Hoseok, seeing how messed up his friend looked, blatantly agreed without pressing for details. He knew Yoongi was still hurting, and so was he.

   Those "few days", however, turned to weeks, with Yoongi occupying the spare bedroom. It's been almost two months now, and one could say he's practically moved in. Which Hoseok is fine with—after all, his dorm mate moved out long ago, and no one actually checks that the students are in their respective housing units.

   The problem is that despite living with him, Hoseok rarely sees Yoongi, and his current lifestyle may be hurting him. He rarely comes out of his room, and when he does he leaves the dorm and doesn't come back until questionable hours, usually smelling like booze or covered in bruises as if he had been fighting.

   Yoongi hasn't intentionally sought out fights since they were in high school, when his mental and emotional state was a wreck after a family tragedy. And even then, his condition wasn't as bad as it is now.

Seeing his friend revert back to his old habits, Hoseok really doesn't know what to do, and neither do Taehyung, Namjoon, or Jin. Their attempts to even see him, much less talk to him, are futile. He keeps his head down, skips classes, drinks, gets into fights, disappears for hours, doesn't contact anyone, and actively avoids Jungkook and Taehyung.

Hoseok knows he needs to talk to Yoongi. He wants him to open up to him and know that he isn't alone; that things can get better, but it's Yoongi for fucks sake. Yoongi never opens up about his true feelings to anyone, and in times like this, he shuts down more than ever.

But as Yoongi continues to come back wasted and beat up night after night, Hoseok's worry and anxiety grows to the point where it begins to affect his daily life. Whether he's in class, hanging out with the others, going over to Jungkook's and Taehyung's place (Jungkook has really been getting better since the incident, thank God), he just can't stop worrying. Hell, even when he's with his girlfriend, his thoughts keep tracing back to Yoongi. How is he feeling right now? What's he up to now? Why can't he just talk to him?

After getting smacked with a rolled up magazine by his girlfriend for spacing twice out during a dinner date, Hoseok knows this can't go on any longer. If Yoongi won't talk to him, then Hoseok will talk first.

Coming home from his date, Hoseok had planned to stay up until Yoongi came back and try to talk to him then. Hopefully he would be in his right mind and not totally wasted.

However, instead he finds the mint-haired male curled up on his bed, crying. He stands stiffly in the doorway, his brain short circuiting as he tries to decide what to do.

"Hyung..." Hoseok says gently, reaching out to touch his shoulder. At the contact, Yoongi jumps and coils away, quickly rubbing his eyes and turning to glare at him.

"What do you want?" he snaps, his voice rough.

"A-are you okay?" Hoseok asks tentatively. He wasn't expecting this.

"I'm fine," Yoongi replies gruffly, pulling Hoseok's covers over his head. "Leave me alone."

"Okay," Hoseok sighs, and flops onto the bed with him. Yoongi gasps when the bed dips beside him and pops his head back out.

"The fuck are you doing?"

"I'm tired."

"Then go back to your own room and sleep!"

"This is my room though..."

Yoongi gives him an incredulous look and looks around, realizing that this room is indeed Hoseok's and not his.

"Shit," he mutters, quickly climbing out of the bed. "'m stupid."

"Wait!" Hoseok says, grabbing Yoongi by the arm and pulling him back onto the bed. He'll make use of this new low tension atmosphere.

"Bitch, what're you-" Yoongi protests as Hoseok traps him in a bear hug, squeezing hard as the smaller guy squirms. "Fuck, let go!"

"No!" Hoseok whines, hugging tighter. "Not until you tell me what's going on with you!"

"The fuck you mean? I said I'm fine!" Yoongi snaps.

"Like hell you're fine!" Hoseok shoots back, giving his friend a hard look. "Is coming home in the middle of the night looking like a messed up street fighter and smelling like damn alcohol all the time 'fine' to you??"

   Yoongi falters, hesitating. "It's none of your business."

   Hoseok fumes. "It becomes my business because you're my friend and I can't stand seeing you like this."

Yoongi is silent, staring hard at a spot on the floor. "You fucking know what's going on with me," he whispers, the pseudo fierce look in his eyes crumbling with each word he forces out.

"Yeah," Hoseok replies, his voice gentler now. "I know you miss him. We all do, but he was special to you. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you're going through, even now."

Yoongi lets his head drop, ceasing to struggle in Hoseok's hold. "If you know that much, then why are you doing this?"

Hoseok's breath catches in his throat as Yoongi tries to hide the tears falling onto the bedsheets, his shoulders quivering.

"Why can't you all just leave me the fuck alone if you know why? Being with you all—" he swears halfheartedly, drained of his bite and energy. "I can't stand it. The looks you guys give me, like I'm someone to be fucking pitied and treated carefully like some fucking damsel in distress."

"Hyung-" Hoseok starts.

"I know I'm fucked up, alright? I loved him, he was everything to me. Things were finally starting to go right, to not be full of shit—" a small, choked sob escapes his lips, to which he flinches. "And then I had to watch him die right in front of me."

Hoseok watches with horror as Yoongi suddenly lets out a defeated, pained laugh. "It feels like everything I want to protect always crumbles away. My parents, my sister, our old gang mates, him. And guess what, I told him I'd never let him get hurt, that I'd protect him." His voice is borderline hysterical, his body starting to shake again. "It's funny how ironic this life is."

Hoseok's eyes are burning, tears welling up and threatening to spill over at Yoongi's confession. He never told them exactly what happened to his family or who died, just that it was a "tragedy". Hearing him say this, Hoseok's chest aches for him.

"Maybe I should just...end it?"

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O_o Yoongi needs a hug and all the love from the world. This and the next chapter hurt me :,)