Gravity

Drunken Propositions (Bonus Chapter)

"And you know, Rachel Carson keeps on flashing her big ass engagement ring in front of everyone in the staffroom." I rant. "She had the nerve to ask me how long Cooper and I have been married, knowing full well we aren't!"

Rachel Carson is so mean to me! She's a fifth grade teacher and she thinks she's all that and a bag of potato chips because her class won a trophy last sports day.

"Girl, let it out." Molly says, patting my back. I hiccup and hit my head on the table.

"I will!" I say. "I am!" I look back and forth at my empty shot glass and my empty wedding finger and almost cry a river. It settles in my stomach - I'm drunk, right? 

"Hazel, do you want to tell him how you really feel?"

"How I really feel?" There's something wet on my face and it's salty too. "How can I tell him that, tell me o - wise Molly pie!"

She's smiling but I don't know why! Man, all I want is to get married and probably have ten more kids. Making kids is fun. 

"Call him!" 

"Call Cooper?"

"Yesss!" She shakes her fist and I feel like she is right! I am going to call Cooper, and I am going to tell him we should get married tomorrow evening and Parker can be our witness. 

I fumble for my phone and press in his number. The phone makes the strange beeping sound and I pout and wait for him to pick up and receive a piece of my mind. He doesn't pick up.

"Have you told him yet?" Molly asks me and I want to cry a little bit more and drink a little bit more and possibly get married like right now. 

"He never answered! Cooper doesn't love me!" I start sobbing and she starts sniffling too. 

Soon we're both crying really hard and I really don't want to cry but I am.

"Hazel, we should just marry each other!" Molly says and that sounds like fun! I want to marry Molly.

"Molly, will you marry me? I'll get on my knees and everything." 

"This is sOoOoOo beautiful, Hazelcake! Let's get married on the moon!"

I nod in agreement and the bartender brings me another vodka coke which is a really good idea. But before I drink that and plan my wedding with Molly I need to tell Cooper all about how he has been neglecting me and not putting a ring on me. 

So I pull out my cellphone once more and call him. He still doesn't pick up, but I leave a voicemail with seventy pieces of my mind!

Damn Hazel, you're good at this marriage thing!

I regret everything. 

"Oh my God, Cooper, remind me to never go out with Molly again." I complain. He's looking at his phone and holding Parker on his chest, with a little frown on his face. 

"Can't believe you got piss drunk. First time for everything." He stops looking at his phone and pats my head. 

"I'm so irresponsible!" I mumble into the pillow. 

It's Sunday morning and we're lying in bed together. He went to get Parker once he woke up and now he's just lying there and playing with his fingers.