Don't Leave Me... [JungkookxReader]

chapter 42

A/N
not edited so sorry for any typos or grammatical mistakes
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Your P.O.V

The worst thing about this situation was that I could hear her mother crying in the distance and I'm sure she could as well, I knew it irritated her, she always hated people pitying her, crying for her, but after knowing all of this it was still difficult for me to hold my tears back and we haven't even talked yet

"my body gave up on me" Soyeon said, her voice low, weak and shaky

I couldn't bare hearing her, she was fading away right in front of my eyes

"don't say that" was all I could say, she hates being comforted like this, but I can't just agree with her

"oh don't tell me that everything is going to be alright" she slowly says
"I knew I was going to end up like this" she said after taking a break
"back here, dying" she said and sighed
"it's okay" she added

"look, I am here with you and I know that we're going to make it together, promise?" I said and tightened my grip on her hand, it was even colder than when I first touched it a while ago

she just smiled and nodded

"Visiting time is over in a minute" a nurse reminded me that I had limited time to talk to Soyeon

"hey" I started "I'll come back later okay?"

she nodded again

"I'll come back" I said

she smiled

"okay"

was her last word...

The funeral was mentally exhausting, there weren't many people there,her mother was destroyed, she could barely talk to anyone, I stayed with her the whole time to comfort her as much as possible, but nothing seemed to work, how can I possibly make a person who lost their only child feel better.

Soyeon's mom gave me an envelope and said

"she wrote this letter for you, I haven't read it"

Jungkook tried to talk to me that evening but I pushed him away, I couldn't make myself focus on anyone or anything, he tried his best to make me feel better, but nothing worked, maybe because I always saw myself in Soyeon, but she's gone now, will I disappear like her?
my thoughts made me feel even worse than I already did and I was scared to read this letter, but my curiosity and need for closure made me open the envelope

Dear Y/N

    I've been trying to write this letter for a few weeks now, trying to say as much as I can so that you know I regret nothing.
I know I'm selfish, I remember how I broke the news about wanting to stop my treatment to my mom, she was angry, she called me selfish, she did apologise later but she tried to convince me to continue my treatment, I know she wants the best for me, but doesn't it seem like she was the selfish on here?
  I always wanted a chance on a life, a different life, maybe to graduate high school or have my paintings exhibited in an art gallery, or even live up to graduating art school, maybe even get married and have a child to leave a piece of me on this earth, I never really asked for much.
   I feel weak, like I'm going to disappear anytime now, but I don't regret making my choice, you know why? because I managed to experience my first ever love, I never knew I could feel this way, he is perfect, only if I had a year or two to experience being with him, am I asking for too much?
   anyways, if I stayed I would not have been able to live my small life to the fullest, I did so much, I finished 10 big painting, I fell in love, I spent so much time with him, he took me to parks and tried to teach my how to skate, I actually managed to learn skating, It was so difficult, I almost broke my arm once, but most importantly I had fun, I even tried alcohol (don't tell my mom btw) but that shit is nasty, I also managed to sneak out and try smoking a cigarette for the first time, never again, it was horrible, I almost choked to death, I also discovered that purple hair suits me a lot so I didn't waste my money on that wig I bought last week. I never managed to tell him about my feelings though, I don't have the guts to, but I think he knows, maybe because I'm too obvious, but we could never happen  anyway.
  what I'm trying to say here is that even if I quit doesn't mean you can, you have to fight, because I know you have a chance, you are the strongest one out of all, you can make it, so fight, but don't give up on life, it can be so fun. let yourself feel and experience things, let yourself live, pain is temporary.
   Give yourself a chance.

P.S: Remember me!

From:
Soyeon

I cried my eyes out, but this is everything I needed to get up and run to Doctor Yura first

"are my test results ready yet?" I ask and she says

"let me check" she leaves the room and comes back with bunch of papers and a huge smiled plastered on her face

"Look, there has been a big change in your situation, but let's not give ourselves too much hope yet" she says and I hug her

"can I see him?"

"like now?" she asks "it's too late"

"can you sneak me out?" I ask trying my best to convince her with my puppy eyes and pouty lips

"get dressed" she shortly says and I rush back to my ward...

I look at my phone to check the time, it's already 11p.m, I want to knock but the thought of him sleeping or maybe being away keeps stopping me

but I can't let him think that I gave up on him

so I knock

Jungkook opens the door

"what are you doing here?" he says both worry and confusion in his expression

but I just kiss him...