Because Of Love

Nineteen

November 27, 1995

Janet was outside on the back porch holding Elijah. He quietly watched the wind chimes as they swayed in the wind and soft rain.

Sleep my love, don't you worry, you just sleep my love
He looked into his mother's eyes and grinned. Janet smiled back and continued to softly sing.
And I'll stroke your hair, the sun light on your face as the day begins to break
Elijah squirmed in his mother's arms as his eyes closed shut.
"Sweet dreams, Pumpkin." She said softly before placing a kiss on his cheek.

While Elijah slept, Janet thought about how upset she still was with her husband. A few weeks ago he flew out to Vegas without even telling her. That conversation still angered her just thinking about it.

Flashback

She had been having a rough day with Elijah because of her postpartum. He wouldn't go to sleep in his crib, only when Janet held him or if he laid on her chest.
"Hey when are you gonna be home? We miss you."
"I'll be home in a few hours." Tupac said loudly over background noise. Janet noticed the volume of wherever he was and crinkled her nose.
"Where are you?"
"I'm..." he hesitated, but knew he couldn't lie to his wife. "In Vegas."
Janet sighed to keep her composure.
"Okay. Clearly you don't wanna be home right now so don't even worry about it. Have fun and I love you." She spoke nonchalantly, but was fuming inside.
"I love you too, baby. Please don't be m—"
"Be safe. Good night, Lesane. Me and Elijah are going to bed, without you." She cut him off and hung up the phone.
"Damn. Disconnected." He huffed.

Janet was pissed. Tupac didn't know that she had postpartum because she was so good at hiding it and keeping to herself. Being tired honestly made it worse for her. She loved her baby, but something just felt off.

She tried to put Elijah back in his crib but every time, he started to cry and wouldn't stop. Tupac was pretty much the only person that could get Elijah to sleep in his crib.

At the moment he was asleep with his head on her shoulder. She couldn't move or do anything. She desperately needed to eat. Maybe if she put him in his swing he would stay asleep.

She reached over and dialed Afeni's number.
As she waited for her to pick up, Elijah let out a soft whimper.
"No, Pumpkin please don't cry or Mommy will too."
Janet sat up and laid Elijah's head on her shoulder.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Ma it's Janet."
"Hi Princess is everything okay?"
That one simple question caused a lump to form in Janet's throat.
"Janet?"
"No I'm not okay..will you please come over?"
"What's wrong?"
"I'm really struggling with Elijah. Every time he cries I start to panic and I just feel like I can't even take care of him!" Janet cried.
Elijah let out a whimper.
"Where's Tupac?
"He's in Vegas.."
"What?! I am gonna cuss his ass out when he gets back. I'm on the way, don't worry."
Elijah let out a loud cry.
"Thank you, Ma." Janet said softly as she tried to keep herself calm. She placed the phone back on the hook and held Elijah up, smelling his diaper.

It didn't stink so he must've been hungry.
"I'm sorry, Pumpkin I know you want your Daddy!"
She cradled him in her arms and lifted up her shirt so she could breastfeed him.
"See that's better now isn't it, baby?"
Janet watched all the stress disappear from his little face.