Quarantine [Tag Book]

It's Complicated

    Only one person asked for this, and she's my Wattbud so I couldn't let her down. So here it goes this is a rough explanation and I was super limited on time but yeh...

     I don't even know if I can call it a crush anymore, this September I will have known him for ten years and though admitting our feelings for each other is off and on, my feelings for him have never gone away...

     We met when we were seven, and right off the bat he had a crush on me.

     I'm a person who is terrified of immediate commitment- and we were seven for crying out loud- so I kept my mouth shut.

     Well, we'd lived within a mile of each other, and they had no major fences around their yard and nothing but a field of dirt between us- so I could literally walk over to his house whenever I wanted.

     But I never did, because I was trying to avoid him.

     Well, we got to be about nine and, unfortunately, his older brother passed away in a car accident while they were camping, so we went and held a funeral at their house. I remember my childish mind then, thinking my dad's best friend was just going to sit up and scare everyone.

      He never did, obviously.

     But my main focus was making sure that my crush... let's call him..... Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaared. Yeah. Jared- wasn't completely focused on the completely depressing feeling on realizing that his brother was gone. So I got his cousins and we started to play tag.

     It worked, he wasn't focused on that all day, he had his moments- but he totally had his head in the game.

     Fast forward to that evening, it was just my family and his family there.

     My sister, Jared and I walked to his room, and started to play truth or dare.

     "I'll go first," my sister said with a smile, "Jared, truth or dare?"

      He stared my sister dead in the eye, "dare."

     Suddenly, I knew that all of this was planned.

     And suddenly- I didn't want to be in that room anymore- "I dare you to hold RJ's hand."

     That was the first time I'd ever held anyone's hand in my life. It was the most awkward hand hold in the history of the universe- and I'd rather not get into too much detail on that.

     Fast forward another year or so, I'm chillin' at my house when the family decides to swing by. Per usual, I avoided Jared.

     He'd gone outside with my dad and his dad, and he'd gotten down on one knee, "please, I'll do anything if you let me marry her, I'll get straight A's from now on, I'll do anything, please!"

     I wasn't supposed to know about that but I saw him in front of my dad on one knee and asked my dad later on what was going on and I got a really great story out of it.

     

      Over the years, we went hunting and camping with them over and over again, and I always smiled when I saw him, but I refused to admit my feelings, because I didn't want to end up hurting later on.

     Fast forward to his 16th birthday...

     We were eating dinner and his dad stopped and looked up at me, "I will give you one hundred dollars if you kiss my son."

     Jared looked at me and winked, "we'll half it."

     My stomach was doing these weird cartwheel things when that happened.

     He'd gotten a mustang- my favorite freaking car of all freaking time- and it was a manual. We were all over at their place chilling and talking for his birthday when Jared's step sister asked for him to give her a ride to a friend's house. He offered to take me with them.

     I went.

     After he dropped off his step sister, I jumped in the front seat. He gave me the code to his phone and put me in charge of his music. I looked up a random artist, thinking there was no way he'd listen to him-

     He had like half of his songs downloaded.

      "No way! You listen to Quinn?" I'd asked.

     He totally blushed after I said that, "yeah, I know, it's lame."

      "No, it's really not- that's actually super legit," I asked him what his favorite song was and turned it on-

     Boi that moment was straight out of a movie, and I'm super self-concious about everything that I do, so this was a rare thing for me-

    He started singing part of the song, and then this one part of the song came on that was sung by Chelsea Cutler, and I was like aw screw it, Imma sing- 

    We sang the entire song together. 

    Afterwards, I forgot how to work his phone and he stopped at a church parking lot and when I was handing him his phone, he grabbed my hand and held it for a good three seconds.

    We listened to Superlit by Gnash the rest of the way to his house, and then he stopped and pulled the E brake on his car.

    Then he looked at me.

     Oh. 
      My

       GOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHHHHH

     We both started to lean in- getting closer and closer-

     And then I had this flash image in my mind of how angry my dad would be if I went through with it.

     But I kept leaning forwards until our faces were inches from each other- and then it happened again.

    I pulled my head back and took off my seat belt, "welp," I smiled, "thanks for letting me come along for the ride!"

   

    And that, ladies and gentlemen- is where I ultimately effed up my entire life.