Quarantine [Tag Book]

Should I...

A/N

This is just me going off on a rant because I'm in panic mode and can tell I'm about to have an anxiety attack because I'm overthinking for the billionth time today and my chest hurts and I can't fricking breathe hahahahaha.... You don't have to answer all the questions, just if you want to. Sorry for throwing this out there. It'll probably come down later, but I'm freaking out right now and just had to take a break from my schoolwork to write down everything I'm thinking about rn.

Should I host an awards? Yes or no.

Should I post all of my drafts that actually had a plot, whether they're one chapter long or almost complete? Yes or no.

Should I take a break from Wattpad and focus on getting my book sent to L.A.? Yes or no.

Should I take a break from writing during the summer and focus completely on my animations? Yes or no.

Should I even be posting this?

Should I break this book up into separate books? Yes or no.

Should I give up writing on Wattpad completely? 

Should I go off the grid?

Should I quit my job?

Should I write down every cringe worthy idea I've ever had in a series of notebooks and burn them all?

Should I still post my SomeThingElseYT book? No one's really showing interest and I feel really embarrassed even thinking about writing it...

...Do I even have what it takes to be an author? To be an animator?

Do I have what it takes to survive in the real world?

Am I going to die today? Tomorrow? 

Is today going to be the last day that I can say "I'm gonna go take a walk," or, "I love you guys"? 

That's what terrifies me. You never know what day's going to be your last and right now I don't know if I'm wasting my time here. I love Wattpad, I have for years. but... I've been procrastinating... putting off my REAL book for other books here on Wattpad... and it's really messing with me right now... Ever since I started Wattpad I've had that deal, and they've been patient with me. But for how much longer? I need to finish that book. I need to get it out there. I need to follow my dreams, and if that means taking a break from Wattpad... as much as I don't want to... I think I'm gonna have to.

     If I do decide to take a 'break', I'll finish uploading whatever chapters I have left on my books that are still in the works. Then I'll go until I finish that book and get it sent out. It is almost complete, but I haven't worked on it in over a year and I'm really upset about that. I was given my dream offer and I haven't been taking advantage of it- instead I've been playing around on this app, posting daily these unnecessary books... and I'm really beating myself up for it right now. How could I do this? Who would do this? Given an offer to get a book published in L.A. and totally procrastinate for almost three years? What the crap!? 

     My decision isn't final because, you know, panic mode. But I'm really leaning more towards taking a break because I'm on Wattpad almost all the time and it's not healthy. I need to start exercising, getting out in the sun and working on what matters to me. I've made some great friends on here, and I love you guys, but I need to get this book done. I remember how enthusiastic I'd been about it, but then I discovered Wattpad and...

     All that enthusiasm just... went away.

Love alls of y'alls

~Your pal,

Deceitful