Quarantine [Tag Book]

Um. So. The secret's out I guess.

     So, my dad's been having heart issues and so he went and bought one of those heart monitor things that you wrap around your arm to check your heart rate, ya know, the ones that fill with air?

     They told me to try it so I was like "sure, why not." I put it on and at first it measured like 111/73 or something like that and my heart rate was 76. Then, my dad looked at me and he's like "these can pretty much be used as a lie detector test. So let's do this again."

     I was expecting him to ask me about like alcohol and if I've had any, or drugs- or kissing guys, because I haven't done any of that. So in my mind I was thinking this was going to be an easy lie detector test to pass.

     NnNnNnNnnNoOoOoOoOopE.

     He kept telling me all these stories about Jared that I'd almost forgotten about- like when he'd taken his shirt off in front of me while we were camping (okay, I obviously didn't forget about that one)-

     And the time he'd told my dad he'd be an awesome father in law, and how he thought about it all the time-

     It measured 110/96.

     And my heart rate was 96.

    That's a 20 beat per-whatever amount of time it was- change. I'm shaking right now hahaha.

     Anyways, I've always told my parents I was over him because I'm trying to avoid the embarrassing conversations we've had when we visit their family... so now they know for sure that I still have a huge crush on him and my dad won't let it go. I don't know if I should tell him if that's why I've been so upset lately- they asked me for like 20 minutes straight why I was acting depressed and I've snapped at them for no reason at all.

     And it's all because I've been up in my head trying to figure out what/ how to tell Jared how I feel- or even if I should. I'm thinking I'll do a 'goosebumps walkaway', like, maybe invite him to my Grad Night party next year and then when I'm taking him home or he's about to go home I can just be like- "hey, I like you, a lot." But something totally better- and just, walk away. I dunno. 

    Also, can overthinking give you a bloody nose? I got two yesterday and then I've gotten three today and it's always happened when I've been trying to figure out what to do about all of this- also, major migraines.

     And I'm on medication to stop these because I've been diagnosed with chronic migraines.