Quarantine [Tag Book]

I'm so Sick of This

      I just got on social media- I'm not supposed to- and started following a bunch of people I know. I decided I might go ahead and follow my 'crush' because, ya know- known him almost ten years- and I saw his profile picture and... it was him... kissing his girlfriend... I mean, I knew it happened obviously, they've been together for almost a year, but actually seeing it just hits different, ya know?

      I just can't stop thinking that that could've been me. If I hadn't been so stupid, hiding my feelings all this time- I could've been the girl in that picture... I could've been his first kiss.

      He could've been mine.

     But I'm such an idiot- I don't admit my feelings until it's too late- or until it's pointless. Back then I didn't want to admit my feelings because he was a good family friend, I didn't want to get hurt- and now here I am... hurting more now than I would've if I had admitted my feelings and it hadn't worked out...

      I hate it when someone's happiness is the source of your own sadness-

     And to top it all off, that book To Him that I wrote- I saw that guy that it's based off of... and no, it's actually not based off of Jared- and it brought back more memories- not of him, but actually of Jared.

     Jared told me the nicest stuff while I was basically 'with' the other guy... he was always there for me...

      I'm already in this weird pit that I haven't been in for a really long time- and seeing him- and Jared with his girlfriend- it's all just making everything so much worse- and I don't know how much more of it I can take.