Janto oneshots

Dear diary

Dear diary,

Ianto frowned and scribbled it out quickly, scoffing at himself. Since when did he begin his diary entries like a thirteen year old girl.

Entry 159:

"No" he grumbled, Scribbling furiously. That wasn't right either. He settled with writing just the date, he didn't know why he was having so much trouble writing this entry.

I'm not gay, I've never had any interest in guys.

Ianto rolled his eyes "well that's not true is it?" He muttered to himself knowing that if he dug out one of his old entries from when he was a teen he would find an entry containing a very similar first sentence. He scribbled over that too.

Jack.

He began.

Jack is... different to other people. I would say it's not men it's him, except... that's not strictly true. But for the time being thats what it feels like. I think that's what I'll tell my family if they ever ask about us. Not that there is any "us". I'm not saying I wouldn't like there to be but I'm rambling now. The point is it's jack. I like him... I felt it that first day when he fell on top of me. I was sure he was going to kiss me there and then, I think I may have even wanted him to. But I left. He told me he liked my suit and I .... my heart fluttered but, at the time, I played it off to myself as nerves.

The Welshman stopped for a second furrowing his brow slightly as he chewed the top of his pen, wondering what to write next.

I know he doesn't feel the same way. It's all just sex to him, it always is. I'm one of his meaningless shags. One of his hook ups. One day, hundreds of years in the future when I'm long gone maybe he'll mention me. He'll make a joke about the welsh boy who looked good in a suit and made amazing coffee but who could do more with his hands than just that. But that's only if I'm lucky. If I'm lucky in the future, he'll spare a thought for me.

Ianto shifted to a more comfortable position before continuing his writing.

To me, though, jacks just different. There's something about him, and I don't just mean the pheromones. He's got these eyes, I know that they've seen so much pain and suffering but they're so beautiful and so full of life. They burn with passion and fire when he's angry but they can show so much love and care when he wants too. He must spend hours on his hair to get that soft playboy look. He has such a devil may care attitude but he also has a vulnerable side that he often shows (we're almost always alone in the hub when that happens but that's just because all the others go home earlier than me not because he's particularly close or comfortable with me). Not to mention there's that damn coat, I wasn't lying when I told him I loved it.

Ianto rolled his eyes slightly at himself. He sounded like he was writing a soppy teenage love novel. But he couldn't help the stupid smile that spread across his face as he wrote about jack.

He can be so stupid sometimes. Such a child. But I somehow still love that about him. I find myself forgiving him for the most stupid mistakes. Saying that it's fine when he makes yet another mess. It's probably because he can be so childish but once in a while... he'll say something. Something so insightful and meaningful. Something that makes me love him so much more than I already do. He's just the definition of perfect.

Somewhere across the room jack harkness strode silently through the door, stopping when he spotted ianto completely immersed in his writing. Jack smiled, noting the small loving smile the Welshman had on his face. Jack wondered who or what the torchwood coffee boy could be writing about to make him feel so much love and happiness. Jack stopped his staring and continued his stride forward. He sat down next to the younger man "whatcha writing about?" He asked teasingly attempting to look into the book. Ianto slammed his diary shut "no one...uhhh I mean nothing" he said defensively, clutching the diary to his chest. Jack smirked for a second, so ianto HAD been writing about someONE as opposed to someTHING. His smirk turned to a flicker of sadness, however, when he realised that it would never be him to make ianto smile so warmly. He realised his emotion of sadness had lasted too long when ianto put his hand on jacks knee and asked "what's up", his voice filled with concern. Jack shook his head slightly and smiled, "sorry just ... thinking". Ianto nodded and stood up briskly "right, coffee?", jack nodded smiling "love some". The captain watched with a mixture of adoration and sadness as the man he was beginning to love walked away from him. He knew that one day the same man would do the same action... but forever. Because they all did.