Janto oneshots

Pain to kill pain

A/N:

⚠️TW: heavy drug use, self harm, drinking, smoking, attempted unsafe sex ... all those unhealthy coping mechanisms⚠️

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"Bloody torchwood" that's what people called it, fondly of course. But ianto jones? He said it with pure hatred and fire. He liked his job... he didn't want to quit but he hated the stupid people and the way they made him feel. He knew his place in the universe and it was tiny. The club lurched around him. He was high... he knew that much.. he couldn't actually remember what he had taken. He assumed more than weed or... he rubbed the small prick mark in his arm glancing down at the syringe that fell from his hand in what seemed to be slow motion... Oh he injected something... when did that happen? It didn't matter. He took a shot and the alcohol corsed through his veins. Good. Numb the pain... with more pain. That was what he needed to do. The music thumped and he made his way to the writhing, grinding mass of bodies on the dance floor. "Ianto ... mate" a voice yelled over the music. Ianto spun around... did he know this guy. The bearded guy approached him his body lurching sideways slightly the same way Ianto's had. The man pressed a small pill into Ianto's hand "try this" he urged as ianto looked down. Ecstasy? Or something more... either way ... way did he have to lose. He knew people had bad reactions to all these things, he heard the horror stories but he didn't care. It numbed the pain. He knocked back another drink like it was a shot. Liquid courage. Not that he needed any of that of course but he pretended he did. "My job is so stupid" he grumbled to himself tossing money at someone as they handed him a small plastic bag with ... something in it. At this point he'd take anything... and he did. He no longer felt like he was on this earth. Everything rushed passed him in a blur of colours and sounds and lights. He scanned the room. Who would it be today... he wasn't going home alone again no no no. UGH WHY DID IT STILL HURT?!!!!? Okay concentrate. A pretty girl maybe. No that wasn't rough enough, he needed someone strong enough to numb the pain. He needed a guy. One as drunk and high and damaged as him. He needed them to have no moral compass at that point. Or a group of guys? Yes, that sounded good. He threw himself into the mass of writhing bodies and sure enough he was swooped at by guys and girls alike. He was soon being shoved out the door and into an alleyway roughly. Teeth clashed, Belts lashed. It was painful and he loved it. They didn't get far much to Ianto's disappointment. A police car showed up and they scarpered.

He was back in the club, this time surrounded by a thick cloud of smoke from their.... something. They were smoking something. He wasn't sure, but he was liking to look of the two strong men before him. They'd be rough, he realised with a wolffish grin as he eyed them lustfully. Yes ... they would do very nicely.

He was back in the alley way. He actually wasn't sure what he was doing or where he was at this point. They bit, they spat and they whipped him. Ianto didn't care what they did to him. He was aware he was being taken advantage of. But he let it happen. It may be destructive, but it was good so good. Such a good distraction. Domination was what he needed and... "OI" a voice yelled. Shit. Blue lights? Fuck police. He didn't have anywhere to go. Ugh god he was stupid how could he let himself be caught like this under the influence of ... god knows what.. so many things. They noticed the empty syringe that fell from Ianto's hand... oh that was illegal wasn't it... when had that happened again? He struggled against the policeman's hold, he knew what would happen if he did. More pain, as he was slammed against the car and handcuffed forcefully. Good. Pain means distraction. So good.

They thrust him into the cold holding cell. The world still span and he still saw the colours from the club. Oh ... maybe the club didn't have strobe lights... just drugs. They'd searched him and found multiple drugs he hadn't noticed he had. They handed him the phone, he knew exactly who to call. "Uhhhhhh jack hi I'm ... in prison" he slurred "come get me ... play the torchwood thingy mebob pleaseee". He slumped against the wall and waited. He knew this feeling. The immediate effects of the high were crashing. He was crashing. After what might have been days or minutes the cell door opened and there stood jack harkness. His boss.

Jack strode across the cell and hauled ianto to his feet. "Jesus ianto what have you done to yourself" he muttered. Ianto was still wearing the same suit he had worn to work, if it could still be called a suit. The tie and blazer were missing for one thing and his shirt was ripped and stained beyond repair. Half the collar was actually missing for a start. Jack tried to distinguish the stains. There was ash, dirt, something white that jack didn't want to ponder further, and...was that blood?

Ianto swayed on his feet "what have I done?? You're the one whose all blurry" he accused, his voice slurring badly as he stumbled sideways. "God ianto you're drunk aren't you" jack muttered. Ianto made a so-so motion with his hand "drunk and other things" he admitted and jack's face softened. "let's get you home" he said regretfully, ianto was obviously hurting and jack hadn't seen that in time. He took hold of Ianto's right arm and examined it there was new puncture marks and old scars from what looked like the same type of needle. "Ianto what exactly did you take" he demanded, worry setting in. "Umm" ianto seemed to think "injection thing, powder stuff, that weird pill and smoke thingy... like normal" ianto slurred casually. Jack felt sick at his last few words... so this was a usual occurrence.

They made it back to Ianto's flat without much issue. Ianto had begun to cry, apologising profusely. He had rushed off the second jack jack unlocked the door. Jack heard the bathroom door click shut and he panicked. Is to shouldn't be alone. He rushed towards the bathroom and pushed the door open, thankful it wasn't locked. "Ianto what are you doing!" He exclaimed, startling the Welshman. The small metal blade dropped from Ianto's hand into the sink as jack rushed to his side. Ianto began to cry again. "I'm sorry so so sorry ... so stupid needed... needed something ... to numb the pain" he sobbed as jack examined the younger man's wrist. "Sshhhh sssshhh okay, okay. Look, it's not too deep. We'll stop the bleeding and get this cleaned up okay... Ianto! ianto, look at me... you're not stupid, you're hurting and I'm going to help you okay? ... Ianto ... okay?" He forced the Welshman to look at him before he cleaned the blood away, bandaging his arm up and tossing the blade out the window... they needed that gone. Ianto nodded tearfully and allowed himself to be led away to bed. Jack was here. Nothing was okay. But jack was here.