I'm Not Okay But it's Alright - Fransykes

0. Prologue: Insignificant

What's the point of caring? Of getting close to anyone? People die everyday, yet I can't seem to care. When I was younger, I would cry for hours at the news someone died, even if they were a complete stranger and I found out through the news. But now I didn't care for anyone, not even myself, I think. I'm not really scared to die, so I don't know why I'm still here. I don't have a reason to be. No family, friends, that care about me. Even if they did, again, I don't care. They'd get over me. The world keeps spinning and does it matter if one person in the billions of people on this planet is distraught over a death? Or anyone, really. We're all useless, insignificant. Everything is. It's a universe with things trying to mean something, yet nothing does. Not the humans, the animals, the earth, space, nothing. Not me, either.

Some would call me heartless. Maybe I am. We need a heart to breathe, to function and be alive, but I don't think I have one. Maybe I'm not actually alive, it doesn't feel like it. I feel almost nothing, I don't remember the last time I felt happy, or any emotions other than numb, overwhelmed, and.. sad?

I think people would call me sad. What was it they called it? Depression. I don't think so. I don't care. Does what the doctors say matter? No, like I said, nothing does. Not even my words matter- This whole speech is being written in my head, read by strangers over a screen, but it'll be forgotten. It will be insignificant, like everything.

My death included. The death I've schemed for awhile now. I won't make it to seventeen. I don't like that age, it's older and you're seen as a near adult, expected for maturity even though nearly every seventeen year old I know is worse than me. Drunk, idiotic, horny, seniors. But that doesn't matter, does it? In a way it does, at least in my small, insignificant life. They're annoying, they're rowdy and ruin others lives. That doesn't matter, of course, whether they ruin some poor juniors year, but most people don't have my mindset. It's better that way, that you're optimistic and see life as sunshine and rainbows. You'll try desperately to be something but you'll probably end up as a suburban parent with three teenage kids getting girls pregnant and failing chemistry despite the "tutoring" sessions you set up for them with that sweet girl they brought home.

Even if you do end up making yourself as known as someone like Bon Jovi or Beethoven, what does it matter? You die and soon your music becomes "old" and "classical," or something only teenagers fathers listen to. Or listened to in their own teenage years.

Of course, those people will die off and those people didn't matter in the first place.

So what does matter? I don't know. I think something does- But I don't know. God? Does he even exist for one, and if he does, does he really matter? Half the world hates or doesn't believe in him, maybe more, and we don't matter. So he has the power to create worlds, everything, but really, nothing matters.

Any note I make won't matter. My death won't, I won't, my family won't, the kids at school won't, Beethoven won't, nor will Bon Jovi or Oscar Wilde, or God, the universe, any other species, the question if other species exists. Words don't matter. What the fuck is a species, what are words. To everyone else not on this planet do words exist? Communication?

Nothing matters.

I told myself it didn't matter when I ran into that blue eyed boy.

But he taught me I was all wrong.

~_~_~_~

So I'm writing a Fransykes

This is a mess, but so far I think it's okay

It's vibing, and we'll stick with that

~uwu~

<3