I'm Not Okay But it's Alright - Fransykes

9. The Forest

Josh didn't talk to me at school.

That night Josh came back in the room. There were no snacks in his hands, only the trace of tears. I didn't know what to do, so I didn't do anything but curl up in my blankets and fall asleep.

Monday, Josh was with his friends, laughing and smiling. But it never reached his eyes. That sparkle was.. completely gone.

All because of me.

I got what I wanted though, right? He stopped talking to me. He gave up on me. But I think he gave up on himself too.

I'm such a monster.

I shouldn't care. I've never cared before. He doesn't matter, nothing does. So why does it hurt to see him in such obvious pain?

I was a monster. I let my mind set get in the way of others emotions- I didn't care for anyone. That was selfish, that was cruel and I was terrible. And now Josh, the only person I had, was hurt because of me.

I'm a terrible person.

"Can I use the bathroom?" I interrupted the class abruptly. I hadn't raised my hand, but who did? My voice was unsteady, but I managed to speak.

"Um, sure. Be quick," the teacher, Mrs. Biersack, said. She was one of the few I liked, the only one who remembered I existed. Mr. Way was also a fun teacher, but he taught the Freshman's, so unfortunately I didn't have him.

I stood quickly, stuffing my small bag in my hoodie pocket while I rushed out. Josh was in my class, eyeing me as I left. I gave him a look, one I couldn't help but make pained. He stared back, no emotion written on his face. His eyes, empty. Fuck.

I rushed out of the room. I didn't go to the bathroom, I left the school. I didn't plan on going back to class, I didn't know if I'd go back to anywhere really. Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't.

Josh made me feel things. He made me feel regret, anger, concern, happiness. I wasn't supposed to be happy - I didn't deserve it. Especially not after what I said.

Panting, I reached the town. The grocery store, that was my destination. I walked in without paying any mind to the employee that greeted me. I rushed down the aisles until I found the alcohol.

"Oli?" I spun around at the touch of someone's fingers on my shoulder.

"Who are you?" I quirked an eyebrow.

"It's uh- Um, Vic," the smaller boy spoke quietly.

Oh.

"Oh, uh, hi." I brushed past him, holding the six pack of beer. I didn't have money, I didn't plan on buying anything anyways.

"Shit," I mumbled. I considered just walking out and non nonchalantly stealing the beer. Who gave a damn if I got caught?

"I can pay," Vic offered, now by my side again.

"No," I said quickly.

"Do you have any money?" Vic questioned knowingly. I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it with a defeated sigh. "Exactly." Vic led me to the counter and set my beer down, handing the employee a stack of cash.

"Have a nice day," the employee smiled. Vic nodded and followed me out, holding my beer.

"So what're you getting beer for?" Vic asked, sitting down next to me outside the store. I opened one of the cans and took a long sip.

"Because."

"Could you elaborate?" He chuckled.

"Because I want a drink." I stood, grabbing the rest of my beer. "Nice talking to you, Vic. But don't speak to me again." Before he could stop me, I walked down the parking lot and into the forest. I didn't know where I was going, but frankly I didn't care.