I'm Not Okay But it's Alright - Fransykes

24. Eleven Months

The cycle never ended. The wait seemed eternal. Comas could last years, decades, which only tormented Josh's hope further. It had been months, and there was still no trace of Oli waking up.

"Remember when we met?" Josh asked quietly. "It was at the coffee shop. You ran into me, called me a stoner- I got you some coffee, by the way. T-Tom said it was your favorite so I got some for myself too, it's good."

Everyday Josh sat and waited for him to wake up. Did he ever? No. Could Oliver hear him? Hear every speech, every plea, every sob Josh made? Or was he dead? Dead but being kept alive by machines. He couldn't hear anything, and all the words Josh said went into deaf ears.

Everyday Josh hoped he'd get a call during class announcing that Oliver had woken up, but it never happened.

What if he was like this forever? What if, eventually, they just gave up? Pulled the plug? It was mentioned, considered, even. After nine months the doctors threw out the option, as no sign of Oliver waking up had been shown. But both Tom and Josh had been so adamant that they wouldn't do so. Absolutely not. If Josh lost Oliver, he lost everything.

"Visitation hours are over, sir." Josh already knew that. He knew the hours he was allowed to visit Oli, and he always stayed longer. As long as he could before the hospital got rid of him.

Josh stood and left.

~~

November. Usually Josh was escatic that it was the late fall month. He always loved the month, loved Thanksgiving, his family, and the chill of fall. But November was losing it's shine, it was losing Oliver.

November 10th. One year ago Josh and Oli were baking cookies. Things were okay, right? Josh thought they were okay, Oliver was okay, but he was so fucking blind and now Oliver was in a coma.

He wanted to go visit Oli, but ever since November rolled around Josh couldn't bring the courage to do it. It had been nearly a year since everything went down, Oliver was nearly eighteen and despite his and Tom's arguements they were considering more heavily giving up on him.

Josh didn't answer any of the calls from Tom, or his parents, or the hospital. He didn't see them. He turned his phone on silent and laid in his bed constantly.

He didn't realize what he'd awaited for so long had come true.

~~

"I want to see him."

"But they want to keep you here a few more days-"

"Mom, please, he won't answer his calls and I need to see how he is," Oliver pleaded.

"Let me check with the doctors."

November second Oliver woke up. His finger twitched, his leg tapped, and Tom noticed. Then Oliver opened his eyes and everything became clear: he survived his attempt, it had been at least a month (he figured that much out by the terrible smell emmiting from his body), and Josh wasn't there.

They evaluted him, made sure his physical health was in good shape, and then kept him under supervision.

It had been nine days and Oliver was growing impatient. Josh wouldn't answer his calls and no one had seen him since October. If Oli wanted anything, it was to see Josh. He missed his sparkly blue eyes, his smile.

"They have to get some things ready, but you'll be able to leave later today," Oliver's mother informed him.

He'd see Josh in a few hours.

~~

He went unannounced, although it's not like Josh had a clue anyways. Oliver quietly stepped into the Franceshi household. He didn't exactly know where Josh's room was, but once he saw the door slightly ajar, sniffles heard quietly coming from the room, Oli knew where to go.

It broke his heart to hear Josh making those sounds. As much as he wished he hadn't failed in his task, Oli didn't want to hurt Josh like he had. But he didn't know yet the extent of what he'd done, until he crept up the stairs and peeked through the crack.

Josh sat on his bed, wiping away tears and messing with something in his hands, brushing against his fingertips. Something shiny, metallic, familiar to Oliver. Something he used to call his friends because all the other terms didn't sound right. Something damaging.

And Josh lifted his arm, lifted his hand, and set the razor against his arm.

"What the hell are you doing?" Oliver made his entrance, storming inside the room and ripping the razor from Josh's hands. He stuffed it in his pocket and pulled the crying Josh into his arms.

"O-Oliver? What the fuck?!" Josh pushed him away to get a better look. And there he was, in the flesh, breathing on his own, standing on his own, awake. "I thought- I thought you weren't going to wake up."

"Hey, hey it's okay, I did wake up." Oliver smothered Josh in kisses, mumbling sweet nothings and "it's okay"s.

"Why the hell- What the fuck? Why would you do that?" Josh screeched. "For fuck's sake, you were supposed to talk to me!"

"I'm sorry I didn't," Oliver whispered. "But you weren't supposed to care in the first place, I wasn't supposed to make it to seventeen."

"Do you still feel that way? Do you still want to di-die?" When Oliver didn't answer, Josh cupped his face in his hands. "It's.. It's okay.. But can you promise me to stay alive? I can't lose you again."

"For you, I'd do anything," Oliver murmured, his lips inches away from Josh's.

"Kiss me. It's been so long-" Oliver did, he kissed Josh and it was perfect. It was everything Josh missed, everything he needed.

"I forgot how amazing kissing you is," Josh whispered.

"I forgot how amazing you are... I love you."

The words rang in the air, and Oliver questioned if he said the right thing. Did he fuck up again? Did Josh not want him, like Kellin? No one did. He was heartless, and unappealing.

"I love you too."

And it was perfect.

~_~_~_~

im honestly considering ending this fic here
it's a good place to end it

but usifje im so emotionally attached
i wrote this in one month
im like a fan fiction slut

who knows maybe i will maybe i wont

either way, i wrote this chapter while waiting for my mom at target and shes still taking for-fucking-ever

if i ever become that mom that takes forever at a store (which is 90% of moms) im gonna tear off someones limbs
im not torturing my impatient kids like this