I'm Not Okay But it's Alright - Fransykes

3. Shopping

Life is the same. At this point, for me, it's the same routine. Wake up, school, home, my thoughts, repeat. Occasionally I'll spice in my self destructive habits, or I'll be forced to retrieve coffee for myself and my idiotic brother. But otherwise, it's predictable. It's predictable when my brother comes to me asking for coffee, that's all we really talk about anymore. "Will you get me coffee?" "Sure, you have money?" "Yeah, here. You can get yourself something too." "Thanks."

And then I'll get the coffee, maybe bump into a pretty blue eyed boy who calls himself Josh on the way. He always seems to run into me during inconvenient times, or convenient, considering the days previously where he saved me from another late day.

Either way, he caught my attention. You know how you hear at the beginning of romance books "I couldn't get them out of my mind," that was how it was. Of course I say that with the purest intentions. I did not like him in any way but he caught my eye. He was interesting, I guess. An extra spice to my everyday life, something new. God, I'd been dying for something new as of late.

So Sunday afternoon, a rather rainy day, I went to get coffee, and ran into none other than Josh.

"Oh, hey there!" He greeted me, with a, might I say, annoying smile.

"Hi," I greeted back through gritted teeth. I didn't want to speak with him, I had an itch I needed to get rid of.

"Watcha doin here?" He asked me.

"Um, getting coffee?"

"Oh right, yeah- U-Um." His face flushed, and I had to admit, it was kinda cute.

I chuckled. "I'll see you later, then."

"W-Wait!" Josh gripped my arm as I flinched. "Sorry," he mumbled and let go.

"What do you want?" I asked with a sigh.

"Well, would you wanna hang out?" He asked.

Oh God, I thought. He's trying to befriend you. Whatever, I'll just scare him away I guess.

"Um, right now?"

"Sure!" His face brightened.

"Well, um, I have to get coffee for my brother-"

"I could come with you, then take you somewhere?" He was desperate, oh my god. His eyes held so much hope, kind of like a puppies. They had an affect on me- and I gave in.

"Fine," I sighed. "Sit down, I'll order and we can go back."

"Okay!" Josh skipped away and sat down on one of the couches while I ordered my drinks.

They made them relatively fast. While I waited the short time it took, I stared out the window in thought.

What could I give my family? Money? They had enough, we were between middle and first class. Besides, I don't have the willpower to get a job and I don't think they'd care much if their dead son left them with a bit of money.

With that being said, what would they want?

"Oliver?" An employee called out. I spun around and flashed a smile, reaching for my drinks. "Have a nice day," she said. I nodded and turned around, searching for Josh. Maybe I could leave without him catching me. Or maybe that was rude.

"Ready to go?" The familiar cheerful voice asked. Guess I wouldn't be getting away then.

"Yep, let's go." I led the way back to my house, which fortunately wasn't too far away.

"So what do you wanna do?" Josh asked me on our way.

"Go shopping, maybe? I need to buy some, uh, gifts." If money wouldn't cut it, maybe I could find a gift for my family. But what would the people I barely talked to anymore want?

"Sure! I know the perfect place."

I ran inside my house, telling Josh to wait outside while I handed my brother his coffee and returned outside.

"Let's go, then," I muttered.

He led me down the street, into town, and a small shop. "This place has everything," he said. "Food, clothes, books, anything you'd like." He glanced around it in awe.

"O..kay then." Without waiting for Josh, I continued into the store. Nothing was of interest though. I though of getting a book for my brother, but he clearly expressed his hate for reading. I never understood it, in my opinion, it was okay. It was a world where things did matter, where there were happily ever afters and true love and everything I found laughable, but entertaining at the same time. And then there were realistic ones, ones I appreciated because there was, is, never a happily ever after or true love. People marry each other on impulse, after a certain amount of time with someone they believe they're meant to be. Nothing is meant to be.

So, books were out of the question. For my brother, at least. I'd heard my mother speak of a book she had always wanted to read. She had read the beginning, but lost it and never finished it. The Death of A Salesman, I believe. So with that, I searched for the book.

I was out of luck, unfortunately. Though there were plenty Stephen King books, which my mother also enjoyed. So I settled on The Stand. As for my father, I had no idea what he liked. Food, but that didn't fit as a farewell gift. I plan to die, so I give my father some chocolate as goodbye. No, no that wouldn't do.

He loved gardening. We never got around to it though. I thought I'd help jumpstart that passion of his by getting some seeds for planting. Some Larkspur and Pansy seeds, along with tomato and, my personal favorite, eggplants. Maybe it was a bit immature, the last one, but I couldn't help but see the packet and grab it.

So I had my father's gift and half of my mother's, that was good. Now my brother.

Food. Food and coffee was the only things I knew he liked. So, I grabbed some coffee packets and searched for a coffee maker. Alas, I couldn't find it. But knowing what I'd get him made it all the easier.

"Have all you need?" Josh asked me. His hands were full, holding mainly food and a book or two.

"Are those groceries or comfort foods?" I questioned, a grin tugging at my face.

"U-Uh groceries," he spat out quickly.

"Sure. Well uh, yeah, I got what I need," I confirmed.

"Great!" He led me to the cash register and set all our things down. "I'll pay."

"What? No, I have money," I argued.

"Too late!" He handed the employee some money. She glanced between the two of us, smirking.

"You two on a date?" She asked.

"What?" I had to laugh, finding it ridiculous. "No, absolutely not." I didn't do dates, I didn't do people, or crushes or love. I've gotten my heart broken enough times, but that didn't matter. Just as relationships didn't matter, or anything.

"Yeah, okay." She smiled and packed our things into bags. I glanced at Josh, who was looking down with a highly evident blush. I shuddered when I caught myself staring at his embarrassed face too long.

"Have a nice day!" Josh called to the employee with a wave as we walked out. She smiled and waved back, looking down at her phone afterwards. "Where to know?" He asked.

I shrugged, checking my phone. "It's getting late, I should be getting home."

He frowned. "Oh- Okay. See you at school!"

"Yeah, see ya." I rushed off, not wishing to elongate our goodbye. I got home, opened my laptop, ordered The Death of A Salesman and a coffee maker, and grabbed the metal objects hidden in a glasses case.

It would be a red night.