I'm Not Okay But it's Alright - Fransykes

16. Sick

Of course, when I looked for my black bag, my familiar silver objects were missing and it could only mean two things. Josh, or one of my family members.

I fell to my knees, feeling hopeless. First someone prevents me from what I need most and then Josh takes my blades, again. I needed them, I needed pain. I clawed at my arms, still fresh with cuts from the day previously. They didn't take their time reopening and I couldn't help but cry out from the pain. It was so good, though, it felt so good.

"Oli?" Josh knocked on my door, his voice was soft and laced with concern I could only find fake. "Are you okay in there?"

"Go away!" I shouted.

"Open up, Oli. Or I'll come in there myself," Josh warned.

I wiped away my tears, finding them only weakening. I'm not weak - I don't cry.

Josh held true to his word, bursting in when I didn't open the door. I guess I forgot to lock it, how stupid. He found me holding back tears with bleeding arms.

"Oh my god, what happened?" Fortunately, he shut the door and rushed to me, pulling me in a hug. "Hey, you can let it out, if you need to cry you can cry."

No I couldn't, I can't cry. But I did so anyways, burying my face into Josh's soft neck and letting out a fit of large, held back sobs.

"It's okay, I'm here," he soothed me, running his hands through my hair. "It's gonna be okay."

I fell asleep there, Josh holding me. When I woke up he was still holding me, but we were on my bed. I was shivering, huddled in his arms.

I interrupted the peaceful quiet with a sneeze.

"Oli?" Josh opened his eyes, rubbing them. "Fuck, are you cold? You never changed out of your wet clothes, come on." He stood and searched my closet for clothes, throwing me a sweatshirt and sweatpants. "You can change, I'm not looking."

I stood on shaky feet and stripped of my clothes. I was freezing and felt absolutely terrible. I blamed it on staying outside in the rain and not changing my clothes when I got home, although I didn't think I'd live long enough to get home nor fall asleep in Josh's arms.

I put on the clothes Josh had grabbed for me and climbed back in bed. I was shivering and continued to sneeze while I curled up under the blankets.

"Fuck, you're burning up," Josh muttered as he felt my forehead. I closed my eyes.

"Why were you out in the rain?" Josh asked softly, sitting next to me on the bed.

"I went for a walk before coming home."

"So you spent the night at that guys house? What did you two do?"

"What do you think?" I snapped. I just wanted to sleep, I felt terrible and I was being interrogated.

"Okay, would you like some soup?" Josh asked. "I can make you some."

"Sure, fine, whatever." I waved him off, really just wanting to get rid of him.

As he left my room, I caught a glimpse of my parents outside. I listened in on their hushed voices, trying to make sense of their mumbled conversation.

"He said he went on a walk before coming home. He's sick though, so, is it okay if I made him some soup and stayed a bit longer?" I heard Josh say.

"Of course, thank you for watching out for him." This came from my mother, and I had to scoff. Footsteps and silence before Josh came back up with a bowl of soup he set beside me.

"How are you feeling?" He asked softly, brushing my hair from my face.

"Like death," I muttered and grabbed the soup. Before I could take a bite, I thought of yesterday and set it down. "I'm not hungry," I mumbled.

"Does it make you feel worse, the food?" Josh set the soup on my nightstand and wrapped his arms around my waste, pulling me next to him.

"I'm sick," I muttered. "And you have a girlfriend."

"Shh," he whispered. "I'm looking after you right now, and we're kind of.. on a break."

"What happened?" I found myself more interested than I should've been.

Josh shrugged. "It just didn't feel right. I guess when I kissed her.. I thought of someone else."

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter. Get some rest." I did as he said and closed my eyes, letting my exhausted body sleep.

~_~_~_~

I'm so sweaty and need a shower eufhfff

Well ere you gooo
Da bois
Hehehe
A r e g a y