I'm Not Okay But it's Alright - Fransykes

5. Innocent Blue Eyes

Did I fall? No, of course not. Something had to stop me.

That something was more a someone yanking me back onto the roof.

"What the hell were you doing?!" The person shouted. The all too familiar person shouted.

"Josh?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah, it's me. That doesn't matter," he said. Of course it doesn't. "You just- Why?"

Oh, of course. The first asked question when someone finds out you self harm and/or tried to commit suicide. Why? Does there really have to be a reason? Sometimes there is, others, there isn't. Others you're just the way you are- Fucked up to the point death is appealing. Maybe not appealing, maybe just the only option. It's gonna come anyways, why not take a short cut?

"Why not?" The question that I'd asked before sent a realization through me. Josh. He was him, the guy that found me that one night, both of us cloaked. He patched my arms up, saving me from death. No- Preventing me. He didn't save me in the slightest.

He sighed. "C'mere." He reached out, asking for my arms.

"No," I said defiantly. If I couldn't get the glorious fall I so desired, I'd get the bled out death that was nearly as desirable.

"You're losing too much blood," Josh pointed out.

"Can't you see that's what I want?" I snapped, once more retreating my arms and stumbling backwards.

"Well too fucking bad!" He shouted and pulled my arms. I yelped, feeling them tear open further. Josh cursed and, in a panic grabbed the bandages, frantically trying to wrap them around my bleeding arms. If I wasn't dizzy enoughbefore, I was now. I basked in it, too in a daze to stop Josh.

"Don't..," I mumbled. "It's so.. free. Don't make it stop."

"Maybe I should take you to the hospital, with how much blood you've lost-"

"No!" I quickly shout. "No, not the hospital. Please. T-They'll call me insane, or something. Why can't you do me this one favor and let me die?"

I swear, tears brimmed his blue eyes I've seemed to make an infatuation with. They were beautiful though, in their own right. Blue eyes always seemed to catch the eye of others, except me. I found it a cliche. But he made it work so well, made it beautiful, enticing.

Fuck, I'm getting attached.

"No, Oli, I won't let you- d-die." He was crying. Small tears that ran down his cheeks like rain. Not his face, not from his perfect blue eyes.

"You can't cry, you're too perfect to cry," I mumbled and wiped away the tears. It was the blood loss talking, it had to be. Jesus christ, people didn't matter. I don't get attached to the useless beings.

"Why?" He asked again. "Why do you want to die?"

"Why do you want to live?" I questioned.

"Because there's so much I haven't seen. I want to fall in love, I want to grow up and- I don't know, maybe sing? I-I want to live because.. well, what else am I supposed to do?"

I sighed, looking down. "I want to die because what else am I supposed to do?"

"Live, for me," he answered.

I looked up, a smile making it's way on my face. Not because I would agree to that, but because he was so naive. Some people did that - lived for others - I didn't. People could cry over me all they wanted, people could cry, but I didn't care. I couldn't. You already know why, though. I won't let myself care.

"You're too.. innocent." Another batch of dizziness hit me and I swayed as if drunk. Oh, would you look at that. I bled through the bandages.

"Oli? Oli!" Josh called. He seemed distant. Maybe I would die. How fun. I didn't particularly want Josh to cry over me. Not him, not the cute blue eyed boy my dying mind considered falling for. But he'd get over me. Like everyone else.

I fell into the boys arms. I felt as if I was floating as I was lifted up. Was my spirit leaving? I couldn't see my body. Was Josh holding me? He better not take me to the hospital- I'd kept up the sane act so long and so well, he wouldn't be the person to break that.

"Home," I croaked out. "Take me home."

"Oli, you could die!"

"I'll be fine - it's happened before. Take me home, please," I pleaded. I couldn't argue more and went limp in his arms, hoping he would see I wasn't dead but rather exhausted. Laying there, limp and dizzy from blood loss was the closest I could get to dead, so I enjoyed it as long as I could.

Though, upon realizing I was not dead and would continue to live longer than I wanted, heavy tears streaked down my face. I didn't cry, last time I had I was maybe seven and some kid at my school and broken his nose. I know - how could that be me?

But now I was sixteen and I was going to live. I think, who knew. Maybe the blood loss couldn't be stopped by Josh's bandages. But that chance was slim and I couldn't stop the tears I never allowed to fall for years.

"Hey, shh, it's okay," Josh whispered to me. He set me down somewhere and began brushing my tears away while he held me.

"Don't let me live..," I whispered. "Don't let me.."

"Shh," he continued to whisper. "I'm going to help you. I'm gonna put a smile on that cute face, and it'll stay."

I chuckled through my agony. "Go ahead and try."

"I will."

And boy did he.

~_~_~_~

I'm falling head over heels with this song-

So I didnt do my math hw and the test was today and oh my gOd I'm stupid

Oh well~ I know the routine by now. "I'll do it tomorrow" "I'll do it tonight" "I'm tired, tomorrow" "tonight"

Sorry teachers-