I'm Not Okay But it's Alright - Fransykes

26. The End~

i was gonna have this and t h e n the epilogue but fuck it this is the epilogue

enjoy~

~_~_~_~

When I was eleven I did something I didn't realize the consequences of. I saw what I needed and I felt what I hated, so I did what was there.

I was, inadvertedly, signing my death warrent. That little addiction festered into nihilism and an escape I ran to so frequently, eventually not caring what could happen. Hell, if I died I was okay with it, I encouraged it.

I signed a contract for six years of hell. I was sure I'd die, but someone had to stop me.

Back then, if I knew what would happen, I'd be angry. I'd avoid anything and everything that could make that outcome come true. I was desperate for it to end and if I someday grew the courage to die, then I wouldn't let someone stop me.

And sure, I was disappointed, and a bit angry, when I woke up after nearly a year in a hospital bed. Woke up alive. But someone got to me, someone stopped me and now I'm glad. I'm thankful to be alive. You kinda forget what that feels like, to want to be alive.

For six years I was in hell, and I was okay with it. I was content with how I was. Six years ago I met a guy that showed me otherwise. He showed me a world that's not so unimportant, or hopeless. And three years ago I asked that guy to marry me.

If you showed sixteen me twenty two me, I'd laugh. A miserable, lonely laugh. Kellin was the only guy, after a year, that I wanted to have. Oh, and I'd be alive, something, again, I didn't want to be past sixteen.

And here I am already with a small family of my own.

"Christine! Let go of your brother," I scolded the two year old girl pulling on her brothers hair.

Josh giggled from beside me. I turned to look at him, smiling at his beauty.

He hadn't brushed his hair, so it was spiking everywhere as he sat on the couch watching our kids.

"C'mere, Christy." Christine by his feet, he began braiding her hair. He looked up at me, catching my gaze and staring at me lovingly.

"Hey babe." Josh curled up by my side after Christine's hair was braided. She ran upstairs to go play with her brother once more. "You know what today is?" He asked me, tracing shapes on my waist.

"No, I don't, enlighten me."

"Your three year anniversary for being clean," he spoke, looking at me with a grin. "I'm so proud of you!" He giggled.

"I couldn't have done it without you." I cupped his cheeks and kissed him all over his face.

"I love you," Josh whispered against my lips.

"I love you more."

And it was perfect. With Josh, Christine and Karl. Sometimes the knives were too enticing, sometimes the bridge we crossed taunted me, sometimes. And those feelings don't go away so easily, they may never go away. I can't say I regret doing what I did when I was eleven. The scars can be hideous, the memories can be terrible, but they shaped who I am and most importantly, I met the blue eyed boy sitting right next to me.

He was beautiful, he was perfect, he was my lifeboat, he was my husband, he was the blue eyed boy.

I wasn't okay but it's alright, I have a family, a life, a purpose, and some things do matter. So it's alright.

~_~_~_~

im so dramatic lmfaoooooo

anywhore
it's reaaaaalalalylylyl short but whatever this authors note will probably be long

rEe iT's OvEr

iT's OvEr wHeN iT's oVeR-

i started this a little over a month ago which confirms i am a fan fiction slut

honestly id adore to have two children and b livin with my joyfriend, married and vibing
but we'll just have to seeee~

at one point this was at 1 in fransykes, now it's at 2 while the dilemma is at 1, and so, again, thank u

you guys are so sweet and supportive, and i jus wanna, like, gib u a biggo hug. smother u in my love and support

so this fic is over
ill.. uh.. get over it.. soon i think

i should really work on hbt.. im almost done with that..

looooovvveeee youuuuuuuu

god im hungry
no im not
but i am
help