B R E A K - Jikook

11

jm pov

"no... no please don't..." I said weakly looking up at jungkook. my vision was blurry from the tears in my eyes. I managed to calm down a little, but just the thought of the rest of the members finding out was enough to send me into another panic.

"Jimin, please, wait... don't... just breath, please," he said. his expression was so helpless looking. he seemed so worried for me, it made me feel so bad for doing this. I didn't want him to worry about me, I didn't need any more people worrying for me. it was already too much to handle, I couldn't take it if the other members were worried too. " hey, how about we clean up a bit first, ok?"

I slowly nodded and wiped away my tears. jungkook stood up and guided me onto the toilet seat. his shirt and pants had little smears of red on them, as well as the floor. I looked away. I didn't want to see the mess I made, it just made me feel worse.

"Hey... I can do it myself" I whispered, not turning my head back. I didn't want him to see how bad it was. he would be horrified. no one should ever have to see something like that.

"but... I want to make sure your ok..." he replied. "I need to see it Jimin, I need to make sure we don't need to go to the hospital.". I gulped. I knew as soon as he saw it that he would call someone. it was clear the cut needed stitches, he wouldn't let me get away with this. of course he wouldn't. I shouldn't have let him find out. I looked down and slowly nodded.

he tossed my pants to the side, they would probably need to be thrown out because of the huge bloodstain. I tried to focus on them, but I couldn't help but stare as jungkook reacted.

"holy shit! oh my god, oh my god, Jimin! Jimin we need to go to the hospital" he said, his voice was quivering, he quickly grabbed a towel and placed it over the cut, using slight pressure.

"no please, I font want to go. it's ok... I promise!" I begged. I felt my face start to heat up again. I really didn't want to go. I didn't want to waste his time taking me there, not to mention all the bad press it would get if we were seen. I couldn't, it's too much... there was no way I could go.

"Jimin, its wide open. please, it needs stitches. I really don't want you to get an infection. this is really serious, I can't... I can't let you go untreated" he said, I could tell from his shakey voice he was on the verge of tears as well. my head dropped down, resting on top of my cut covered thighs. I knew I had lost. there was no way I could get out of it. hot tears streamed down my cheeks as I let out small choked sobs. there was nothing I could do. I already ruined everything. my life was over.

"here..."jungkook said, sniffling. he handed me a new pair of sweatpants. he tried to keep his composure, but I could see how hard it was for him.

I caused so much pain. I didn't want to exist anymore. I just wanted to be dead. I wanted to disappear...

I could hear the sound of jungkooks panic voice on the phone as I slid the pants on. I looked over in the mirror. I looked terrible. my face was covered in tear stains, the was blood smears everywhere, and my hair looked like I hadn't brushed it in a million years. I sighed and pushed myself to stand up. I didn't want anyone else to see me like this. as I attempted to fix my extremely disheveled appearance, I focused on what jungkook was saying.

"Yeah. I just found out this morning... there were lots of um.. cuts, but one was really big... like 3 centimeters wide and really deep... it was still bleeding this morning... yes... yeah... um, I think it was, uh... he did it too himself.... yeah... ok.... were at a hotel..."

I sighed. nothing I did was working. I still looked terrible. I sat back down on the toilet seat and stared at the blood-smeared tile, continuing to eavesdrop on what he was saying.

"namjoon...i... I'm so sorry... I found jimin.... this morning... he was.... he.. namjoon... he's been... he's been, cutting himself... I'm so sorry... I should've found out sooner... I'm taking him to the hospital...."

jungkook stayed on the phone for a few more minutes before coming back into the bathroom to talk to me. his face looked red and his eyes were glossy with tears. he cried a lot on the phone, but he was trying to hide it. he was trying to be strong for me. I felt so stupid and worthless... all I could do now was wait...

"The ambulance should be here soon... I told them what happened... they said they'll probably give you stitches then transfer you to a hospital in kore to get an uh... psych evaluation... they said you'd probably have to stay in the mental ward for a week or so..."

I nodded I didn't have the energy to react. I was so tired, and my face hurt from crying. I could hear the sound of the wheels bumping down the hallway, then there was a knock on the door. they put me in a stretcher, dragged me down the elevator and out the hotel, and threw me into an ambulance. jungkook sat in the back as the bumpy ride began, rushing me to the hospital.

I closed my eyes. I felt so drained, physically, and emotionally. the men asked if I was ok, but I didn't respond. I didn't have the energy too. I didn't have the energy for anything. I just wanted to fall asleep...