B R E A K - Jikook

13

The week went by faster than I thought. I wasn't allowed my phone but we did have books, and since I was an idol I got a room to myself. there was group therapy every day, but I never really paid attention. I never wanted to talk about my feelings to anyone, especially not people I knew. they said they could keep me longer, but I guess they gave up on me. it didn't really surprise me though.

I looked at the clock slowly ticking by. in one hour I would be picked up by our manager and taken back to the dorm. I watched every little movement of the hands as they inched closer and closer to the 6 o clock mark. normally time seems so slow when you stare at a clock, but this time it felt way, way to fast.

they knew. the members knew. the manager knew. bang pd knew. everyone knew. my secret was out, and there's nothing I could do about it. what would they say when they see me again? will the yell? kick me out of the group? shun me for the rest of my life?

jungkook always assured me when he visited that the members weren't mad at me, but I still refused to talk to them when they visited. as much as I hated my secret being found out by jungkook, I felt like I could trust him. he reacted so... kindly. I could see the worry in his eyes each time he visited, always sneaking in little candies for me to cheer me up. he talked to me about things he knew I liked and promised to take me on another trip to Japan to make up for the last one.

being secluded in the hospital for a week gave me lots of time to think. when I laid down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling attempting to fall asleep, my mind always trailed back to him.

I couldn't deny it. I really, really liked the jungkook.

I tried to push those thoughts away for so long, I berated myself for being a disgusting fag. I thought he would hate me if I told him, but every time I was told he came to visit... my heart fluttered.

every soft touch, every little smile. I couldn't help but stare at him. maybe I was lonely from being away from the members, or maybe I couldn't control my heart anymore. whatever it was... I knew I really, really liked him.

the clock hit the 6. I sighed. there was no more time to contemplate my return. one of the nurses walked up to me.

"here are your things, ill tell you when they get here so the guards can escort you out. I hope you get better, Jimin". she handed me a small bag with my belongings, including my shoes. I slipped them on over the bright yellow hospital socks. I stood up, pushing the weighted chair back under the table. it only took 2 minutes before she came back. "you ready to head out?"

___

" Pd-nim?"

as the guard brought me down to the lobby, my eyes widened when I saw who came to pick me up. it wasn't a  manager, it the CEO of bighit. I expected he'd want to talk to me, but I didn't think it would be so soon. when he saw me, he instantly stood up and walked over to me, dismissing the guard. I was still, my eyes wide open from shock. I didn't know what to say to him. he gave me an apologetic smile and patted me on the shoulder.

"let's get going, shall we?" he said. slowly I nodded. I stared at the ground as we walked to his car, dragging my feet behind him. I would still fell the no-slip grips on the bottom of my socks.

In the first few minutes of the drive, we were silent until we got stuck in traffic. bang pd sighed and looked over to me.

"It should clear up soon, don't worry," he said. I looked up at him, nodded, then turned back to the window. "I know it might be awkward to talk to me about what happened but... I hope you know I'm very worried about you, and so is the rest of the company. if you would like, we already planned a schedule where you could take a break. we won't have to tell the public about the specific reason, well just say its for your mental health, ok?"

I swallowed. a break did sound... really nice, but I don't know if could handle the guilt of not working for a while. everyone would be working hard, except for me. I deserve to feel guilty though, and who would want to see a disgusting person like me perform anyway? the press is probably going crazy over me being in the hospital, I bet the army has already abanded me. no one would care if I left, so why should I try so hard?

what's the point? id quit if I could, but I cant. I know jungkook would probably be sad and i... I would miss him a lot too. taking a break... that's all I can do for now.

"Thanks..." I replied. he nodded.

"ill send the pr team the text as soon as we get back". the traffic slowly began to clear up, and the car started moving again. "we should be at the dorm in 15 minutes"

I bit my lip. I couldn't hide away anymore... I had to face the members.