B R E A K - Jikook

7

"got everything?" jungkook asked as I walked to the front door, dragging my suitcase behind me. instantly my mind went to the little red box packed away under stacks of clothes, but I shook the thought away  "I practically packed my whole room" I replied, attempting my famous eye smile. jungkook grinned back at me, his noticeably bigger suitcase stood behind him as well.

"you must have a pretty small room" he joked. I giggled.

"hey, you know I can't carry much!" I replied.

"Sorry, I know. you are the cute and tiny one" he said. I playfully hit his shoulder.

"shut up, are we gonna leave or not?" I asked.

"fine fine" he replied. " Namjoon! I and Jimin are leaving!"

"ok, have fun!" namjoon yelled back. jungkook grabbed the door and held it open.

"After you, my lady," he said with a silly smile. I hit him again, we both laughed.

the car ride to the airport felt so slow. attempting to keep a happy face and engage in the conversation felt like I was living a nightmare. like I was caught in a web of lies that just kept growing and growing, I could feel that it wouldn't be long until it breaks. I just hope it doesn't happen on the trip. I would never want jungkook seeing me like that.

it took 2 hours to get to the airport. we paid for the taxi and quickly headed through back door and directly onto the plane to avoid any recognition. as soon as we got to our first class seats we began to settle in for the long trip to Japan.

_____

"Jimin- ah..." jungkook asked drowsily. his eyes still half-closed and his speech slightly slurred. it wasn't even a half-hour into the trip when jungkook fell asleep. I didn't mind it, I already felt super awkward with him around, but I really didn't want to be alone right now. at least if I was focused on portraying the person jungkook wanted to hang out with I didn't have to focus on the thoughts in my head, but without anything else to do I was subjected to the torment of my mind once again.

I absentmindedly scratched at my left leg, the slight burning sensation slightly helping to bring my attention away from my thoughts, but it wasn't enough. I wanted more.

I looked at my empty dinner plate. we ordered steak. jungkook didn't get to eat since he was sleeping, so he probably wouldn't notice if I just... took the knife and...

I heard a stirring noise from beside me. he woke up, and now his sleepy eyes were staring up into mine, it felt like he was looking into my soul. I couldn't explain the sudden anxiousness. he didn't see anything, I didn't even touch the knife. why was I so nervous. I tried to hide the panic in my voice when I responded.

"morning kookie, whats u-up," I said, my voice slightly wavering at the end. I prayed he wouldn't notice it. he yawned and began to pull himself up from the laid back recliner, becoming more alert as he began to fully wake up. he rubbed his eyes, then looked back at me. at first, he looked normal, but suddenly his face twisted into a confused expression.

"nothing umm..." he started. he messed with his hair to get rid of the bedhead, then looked back at me. but he wasn't looking at my eyes, he was looking down. I gulped. "why is there blood on your pants?"

shit...

I felt my heart begin to race, I tried to hide my panicked expression but my hands started shaking. I quickly hid them under the small plastic table.

"oh I um, I accidentally got cut while I was eating the... steak," I said, my voice slightly shaky. he didn't look convinced. I felt my leg want to bounce, but I held it down.

"on your leg?" he asked. I tried to breathe in, but it felt like all the oxygen was sucked out of the room.

"no I um... it was on my hand, it just... dripped down," I said. I looked away, not wanting to see his face. he wouldn't believe me. he would know, he would know and he would hate me... I ruined everything. i... i...

"oh, that makes sense," he said. I turned my head sharply towards him, but he seemed to have lost all interest in the conversation, casually looking down at his phone as if it didn't even happen. "we can buy some stain remover once we land" he said. I gulped again, attempting to get rid of my shock as the panic slowly fizzled out.

"ok.. good" I managed to force out a few words, but I didn't even know if he heard me. I could still feel my heart pounding, but at least I could breathe properly now.

why did he not react like I thought he would? does he not care? what am I even thinking? did I want him to figure it out? that would disappointed so why do I feel disappointment now? why can't I ever feel good about anything in my life! I wish I could just rip open the window and jump out...

"We are now arriving in japan"

well, I guess that ideas gone.