B R E A K - Jikook

12

"hi, I'm dr.lee. ill be conducting your evaluation. would you like your friend to step out while we talk"

I looked over at jungkook, his eyes were big and red from crying. they looked like he was begging to stay, but I didn't want him to hear anything. I could barely handle him knowing about the cuts, I don't think id ever be able to share anything about my tho8ghts with him. it was really hard to even speak to the doctor anyway.

"uh... yeah.." I said. jungkook looked down and nodded sadly. I looked away. he stood up and walked over to the door. once I heard I closed, I looked back.

"so, hows your leg. are the stiched uncomfortable?" he asked. I sat up. it was hard to be comfortable in a hospital bed, especially with the paper scrubs, but I just shrugged my shoulders.

"it's fine" I replied. I couldn't look him in the eyes.

"that's good. well, we should probably start now. I'm going to ask you a few questions, please answer them honestly. can you do that for me?" I nodded. " on a scale from 1 to 10, how strong is your depression?"

I bit my lip. I didn't want to speak about this. I didn't want to say anything, but at the same time, the number was threatening to rip open my mouth. it was so hard, but I wanted this to be over with already. I let it happen.

"10" I replied. I heard the sound of a pen on is paper. he looked back at me.

"on a scale of 1 to 10 how strong is your anxiety"

"8"

"How often do you self harm"

"every night"

"how do you self harm"

"cut"

" Are you suicidal?"

I paused. I never really thought about it. I had so many terrible thoughts, I self-harmed every night to keep them away but they always came back. I would be lying if I said I never had thoughts of killing myself, but can I really say I'm suicidal?

no... no, I know the answer. it's true. I know it, I can't count how many times I've wished for death. I know I deserve it, especially now. life was a privilege, one I didn't deserve. I should've never been born in the first place.

"yes". he sighed and wrote it down on his clipboard. he asked me more questions. most didn't apply to me. have I ever heard voices, seen hallucinations, that kinda thing? it took about 20 minutes for him to stop the interrogation. he opened the door, and jungkook walked in. he sat back down in his chair next to me. the doctor stood up.

"Based on these answers, Jimin is severely depressed. I recommend we transfer him to a hospital in Korea for a week of inpatient. it's up to you though. you are an adult so you get to decide if you admitted or not, and if you are you can sign yourself out at any time. ill let you, male, your decision, ill wait for you outside, call me in whenever you're ready"

"jimin...i think you should go. I'm really worried about you... this is.. really scary. you'll be safe in there, you won't be able to... um... they'll keep you safe"

"I don't want to be safe" I replied. jungkook looked up sadly. I kept staring blankly at the wall. "I don't want to be alive. I want to hurt myself. I don't need to be kept safely locked up in some mental ward. I don't need it. but..."

"but?" he asked. I heard him sniffle. he looked over at me, his eyes were beginning to fill with tears. I felt a pang of sadness shoot through my heart when I saw him. I instantly regretted what I said. I shouldn't have said that to him. he was already having a hard time handling this...

"but if it makes to u feel better... ill go. I could use a break from everyone anyway" he smiled. he stood up and walked over to me. quickly, his arms wrapped around me, and he pulled me into a tight hug.

"thank you... thank you so much..." he said. I felt my shoulder start to get wet. he was crying. I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes, but before they could fall, the door opened.

yo, sorry this chapter is shit! whenever it gets to the hospital scenes in my books they get boring as shit since hospitals really aren't that fun ya know. ill post 2 chapters today to make up for it!