B R E A K - Jikook

19

there was a knock on my door, I quickly shot up out of bed, and tugged my sleeves down. I was staring at the scratch marks from last night. I was bored, which only made the feeling to hurt myself grow stronger. my thoughts were cut off though as the door was opened.

"Hey, everybody's out at dance practice. I didn't want to leave you alone though, so I stayed back"

"yoongi?" I said in surprise. he ruffled his hair a bit then walked over to my desk. he sat in my chair and spun around, clearly portending not to pay any attention to me. "you don't have to do this..."

"it's fine. id rather miss a bit of practice than you... nevermind" he replied, he turned the chair away from me, facing the wall. I bit my lip. I wanted to be alone, I needed to be alone. he didn't care though. he just sat there smugly knowing he was stoping from doing it. it from getting the release I so desperately needed.

"When will they be back?" I asked yoongi turned back around to face me, now clicking a pen that seemed to manifest out of nowhere.

"emm.. same time as always I guess, around 3." he replied. I laid down and sighed. yoongi stooped stopped clicking the pen. "um... Jimin"

"Yeah?" I asked.

"you know I'm not the best at this sort of thing but... I understand how you feel, when I was younger I always felt like... I wanted to do bad things to myself... but I never ended up doing it. I don't know why you did but... I know you can get over this..." he said. his cheeks were red and his eyes darted around the room, he still maintained his emotionless expression though.

I wanted to yell at him. scream that I couldn't go back and I needed to hurt myself and that he was stopping me, but I didn't. the anger started to full up in my chest adding to the already tightly pressurized urge for the blade. I didn't know how much more of this I could take.

"thank you..." I said. I gave my best reassuring smile, and yoongi nodded awkwardly.

"well um, I'm gonna get back to my room. I'm working on the new album, I might call you over for some demos so. yeah," he said. I nodded and sat back up. I held me breathe.

"Hey, is it cool if I go to the store real quick? I want to get some snacks, it been a while since I've hade them.." I said I could feel my heart beating out of my chest as I let the lie glide through my teeth. yoongi looked away for a second, I could tell he was thinking but he never had the clearest mind in the morning. I could tell he was straining, that was what my plan was banking on.

"sure, be quick though," he said. I smiled.

"Thanks, yoongi!" I said. as soon as he left the room, I jolted out of bed and quickly pulled on a jacket. I slid on some shoes and grabbed my wallet. I said a quick goodbye to him through the hallway a d started the short walk to the convenience store down the road.

"Welcome!" the worker at the cash register said and the little bell in the door rung, I gave her a polite node and pulled my mask up further, trying my best to hide my face. if anyone saw me here... I don't know how I would be able to get out of that...

I quickly made my way to the isle with the toiletries. little things for travelers like mini bottles of soap and lotion, that's not what I was looking for though. instantly, my eyes landed on the bright blue plastic razors. it wasn't much, but it would do the trick. I grabbed the pack and held it tightly against me. My heart was beating extremely fast now, but I had to press on. I grabbed a roll of bandages and a pack of tissues, as well as a teaser, and a few bags of snacks as a cover and quickly went to the cash register to pay.

I saw the lady give me a strange look, but I ignored it, quickly handing her the money and letting her keep the change. as soon as I was handed the bag of my things, I walked out. I couldn't let yoongi see me with this stuff, he would know to quickly. I searched around for a public bathroom and finally came across one about a block away closer to the heart of the city.

I entered the single bathroom and locked the door behind me. it wasn't the cleanest place ever, but it was fine. I didn't really care anyways. I couldn't tell if my rapid heart rate was nervousness or excitement, but either way knew it could use a bit of calming down.

I fiddled with the tweaser and the razors until I managed to get one open, 3 long thing blades falling into my hand. I threw the plastic handle away, then did the same to the other razor.

now I had 6. 6 brand new blades, and empty bathroom all to myself.

I took off my jacket and hung it up on the door. I looked down at my thighs.

I have to walk back...it will hurt when I take a step...

maybe I could...

the scratches did look pretty nice there...

it wouldn't really matter anyway...

my body already destroyed, what's a little more?