A Light In The Darkness [Completed]

Standing On The Edge

Despite Cat's confidence in her, Solveigh wasn't so sure. Each time she had an opportunity to start the dreaded conversation with Elias she chickened out. And each time she did, she could come up with a thousand excuses as to why that wasn't the right time. But would any time ever be the right time?

What would she even say to him, though? Sol didn't know how to even broach the subject, let alone tell Elias goodbye. Maybe Cat was wrong. Maybe, given time, something could begin to grow between her and Elias. If only Trey didn't haunt her every waking moment.

Even if she somehow managed to find the courage to break things off with Elias, it would only solve half the problem. It was true that Trey had accused her unfairly, but Sol had wounded him too. If they were ever to have a chance of making things right, she would have to swallow her pride and apologize for her part in the fight. Even if he chose not to.

That was what scared Sol the most. Breaking Elias's heart and forsaking her own pride, only to be rejected in the end. Yet again, even if it hurt, her conscience would be clean. But she was scared... Terrified, if she was honest.

Sol wasn't the same person she was when she first met Trey. Back then she thought she didn't need love; that she was just fine on her own. Perhaps she had swung to the opposite of the spectrum and forgotten how to be happy on her own. Somehow Sol had to find that middle ground.

Right now, though, she had to fix the mess her stupidity had caused. After spending the last week agonizing over her decision, Sol had finally worked up the nerve to call Elias. Sitting on her bed holding the phone, though, she was starting to freak out. Before she could change her mind, Sol called Elias.

Almost immediately he picked up. "Hey, Sol. What's up?"

Sol opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She thought it would be easier this way, not being face to face, but it suddenly struck her how cruel it was. Elias was the last person on earth who deserved to be dumped over a phone call. He didn't deserve to be dumped at all, but that was beside the point.

It would have to be face to face, or nothing at all. Elias deserved that at the very least. To see her shame as she told him goodbye. But, instead of asking if he could meet her over the weekend, Sol found herself asking if he planned on coming to Jacen's wedding.

"I know we sent your family an invitation," she said. "But I thought I'd call and ask you personally."

If Sol could have, she would have screamed with frustration. Coward! She chided herself angrily. What do you think you're doing?!? She was so busy mentally berating herself that she almost missed Elias's reply.

"Actually, we got the invitation the other day, but I'm touched you would call me."

"Why wouldn't I?" Sol forced a laugh that she hoped sounded at least a little natural. "Being the boyfriend of the sister of the groom comes with some perks."

Elias laughed. "You're the best, Sol."

His words twisted the knife of guilt that was buried in her chest, but she managed to say, "Oh, I know. I was just making sure you did."

Elias's voice became quieter as he said, "Trust me... I know."

Sol almost broke down at that point, but she managed to pull herself together. "So... I'll see you in a couple weeks?"

"It's a date," he replied.

"It's a date," Sol echoed, feeling dirtier than she ever had in her life.

When she finally hung up with Elias she curled up into a ball and sobbed silently into her pillow. Cat was wrong. She was coward; a filthy, little coward who valued her pride over her integrity. How could she ever face Elias again? Sol thought she'd felt terrible after Trey broke things off, but the pain of that rejection couldn't even begin to compare with the guilt that tearing her apart inside right now.