IN THE PAST.

ITP - 5

RACHEL

"Bakla?!" I exclaimed na kinagulat naman ni Carmen. Kanina pa kasi nakatulala. Alam mo 'yung kumakain kami ng lunch at ako 'yung kaharap niya pero 'yung utak niya nasa ewan na hindi mo maintindihan.

"Ano ba?! Ba't ka ba nanggugulat?!" She complained. Well, isa kasi 'yan sa ayaw niya 'yung nagugulat siya. Well, she has asthma that is why ayaw niyang nagugulat siya kasi anytime puwedeng atakihin 'yun kapag sobra 'yung gulat niya.

"Sorry. Paano ba naman kasi kanina ka pa tulala. Ano ba nangyayari sa'yo? Alam ko na sasabihin mong wala. But I know you more than myself, Carmen. Mula ulo hanggang paa kabisado na kita. What is wrong? You can tell me everything, hun." I said sincerely. Alam ko naman kung paano sumeryeso.

"Remember Charles's Mother? The one who begged after we broke up? And keep begging after months?" I just nodded as an answer. Pakiramdam ko magku-kuwento 'to ngayon. Well, wala siyang choice because hindi niya puwedeng sabihin sa akin na wala. As I've said, I KNOW HER MORE THAN MYSELF.

"She called me earlier and gusto makipagkita bukas. I said yes." For me, I don't see anything wrong with that. Wala naman siyang kasalanan, eh. It's just that umiiwas lang talaga si Carmen sa mga alam niyang makakaalala ng past niya. Did I mention that she loves to walk away and forgets that you even existed kapag nasasaktan siya? Ganun siya.

"Ano naman masama doon, Carmen? It's been years. Alam mo, I've seen that you're not completely happy with Ariel. I'm not saying that he's not enough. All I am saying is nakikita ko sa'yo that the past keeps visiting you in your mind. For me? Carmen, it's time to face them. Not because you want to bring back the past. But for the closure, babe." I said to her. Well, ganyan kasi siya talaga. As much as kaya niyang takasan, tatakasan niya.

"Rachel, I'm afraid. Not because of what happened. Alam ko namang napatawad na nila ako. Natatakot ako na baka bumalik ang lahat. Ganun sa mga movies, eh. They are happy. Tapos once bumalik 'yung first love or should I say great love nila, babalik ang lahat. And I don't want that to happen between me and Ariel. We have a perfect relationship, I don't wanna ruin it."

"You don't love him enough para ma-confused ka? I mean, nako-confused lang naman ang isang tao kasi they aren't sure about their feelings with that person. So either you don't love him, or you loved more Charles than Ariel. Babe..." I hold her face. Yes, ganito kami para kaming mag-jowa. "You don't have to be confused kung alam mo naman sa sarili mo kung sino talaga mahal mo. Kaya ka nago-overthink about the past, because you have unclear issues or unfinished business. If I were you, tell the truth, babe. Trust me. You'll be happy." I said to her sincerely and I saw her na napabuntong hininga na lang as a response to my answer or advice. So, may sasabihin pa sana ako but my phone rang and told me na hinahanap na daw ako sa Ospital.

"Carmen, I have to go. Pag-isipan mo 'yung sinabe ko, ha? Kailangan na kasi ako sa Ospital. Stay in the line. Okay?" I kissed her cheek and umalis na at dali dali naman akong pumunta sa kung saan ako pinapatawag. I guess this is a very long operation. So, as my daily routine, I prayed. Kasi you can save your patient. Or die. Either of the two lang ang kaya ng kamay mo.

END OF POV.

CARMEN.

I was here at KFC near my workplace. May kasama ako kanina si Rachel. Unfortunately, hindi niya natapos ang one hour break niya. Ganyan talaga ang mga doctor, sometimes you can't have a break or an hour lunch kasi anytime puwede kang ipatawag because of emergency.

So, before Rache left, she left pieces of advice on what to do. I actually know what to do, eh. It's just that natatakot ako. I don't know why pero kung puwede nga lang ibaon na lang sa limot 'yung past ko, binaon ko na.

Makikipagkita ako sa magulang ng minahal ko bukas. Well, technically, hindi naman kami but we have mutual understanding. We lived on the same roof with her parents. My Mom and Dad are in states. So, Charles's Mom is the one who raised me. Wala naman akong galit sa pamilya ko because they never forget to call me or to bring what do I want. So, ayun. I came from a broken family as well. Kaya ayaw ko maranasan ng magiging anak ko 'yun. That is why kinikilala ko muna si Ariel if I'm sure na kung siya na ba ang papakasalan ko.

And to tell you honestly, I can say that he's really the one for me. Sobrang bait niya. Ibang-iba siya sa mga nakilala ko. Speaking of that, I remember Rachel's advice that I have to tell the truth. Is it really the time? I mean, bakit ngayon pa kung kailan masaya kami? Kung kailan perfect ang lahat? I don't want to ruin this up. But I ended up calling Ariel.

"Babes, bakit ka napatawag? May problema ba?" He said and sounds like he's really concerned. I really love this man so much.

"Babes, mag-o-overtime ka ba? May kailangan tayong pag-usapan." I said seriously. Kinakabahan ako na 'di ko alam kung bakit. I mean, this is the first that I'm gonna disclose about my family and past. I'm really not sure that he's gonna understand me why I kept this for such a long period of time. I mean, hindi naman na kasi kailangan ang past, 'di ba? Why do we have to bring it back in the first place?

"You sound so serious babes, sige I'll fetch you up, ha? I love you." He sounds so sweet. Sobrang lambing talaga ng asawa ko. Well, I'm claiming it. As if namang maghihiwalay kami nito. Well, I really do hope so once I told him everything. Probably, kaya siguro hindi pa kami ready mag-settle down because I need to tell everything. EVERYTHING and NOTHING but the truth.

"I love you too, babes." I heard him chuckled and binaba ko na din 'yung phone because alam kong busy din siya. Hindi man niya aminin sa akin, I know that he was busy with his work. Para sa akin daw kasi he'll never be busy. Haaaayyy. I'm such a blessed woman.

So, I'm walking near hospital para bumalik na sa duty and malapit lapit na din naman ang out ko and I saw Rachel. "Ano, have you made up your mind?" At sabay kaming pumasok sa room ko. I mentioned naman na this is my reward of being a top notcher when it comes to being a surgeon, right? So, while waiting for my answer umupo siya sa may sofa and umupo ako sa desk ko while fixing my things.

"Well, yes. I have to tell everything the truth, Rachel. I hate to say this but you're always right." I smiled at her and I saw her that she was shocked kasi akala niya papairalin ko 'yung pride ko. We've known each other for 2 decades. That is why pride is never a thing for us.

"So, when are you planning to tell the truth?" Tanong naman niya.

"Later at night. Pagkaout ko I'm gonna confess everything and if he asked, sasabihin ko pa rin ang totoo. The reason why I didn't bring up any of my past kasi akala ko talaga hindi siya matter. But you're right, Rach, you're right. I mean, if your past keeps coming back to you or hindi ka na pinapatulog sa gabi. You better tell the truth, right? Instead of being like this na you're not even completely happy." I said in a serious and sincere tone. Well, she was always right. Alam mo kapag may problema talaga ako, most of her pieces of advice are right. She was like my Ate.

"I'm happy for you, babe." So, she hugged me and that is what I needed right now. Who knows? We don't know exactly how he's gonna react after revealing the truth. His story was an open book to me. But my story, he knows only a part or not even a single page of my past. Ang alam niya nasa States ang Mommy ko and I had a complicated relationship before I met him. That's all he knew. But he doesn't don't know the whole story behind that.

END.