Bambina

43

He wasn't a good father

He wouldn't consider himself one to begin with. He's too far into his job, far into the rabbit hole, far from being considered as sane and far from being a good father to Luca. Far from being a better father to Luca. He already dragged his sons into this place he calls comfort. The comfort of the smell of blood, the comfort of having a gun in your hands, the comfort of being trailed and stalked, the comfort of being able to hide the pain that's obviously bleeding.

Achilles already hates himself for being a shitty parent. He's already mad at himself for being such a coward and just letting his sons do the dirty work. He's already regretting the fact that he wouldn't get to fulfill the last promise of his wife.

All Maria wanted was to give Luca love because he lacks the ability to do it. Achilles was already happy with three sons. Besides, sons were easy to handle compared to daughters. And seeing Luca for the first time, just toddling around, the innocent look on her face told him everything he needed.

Luca wasn't safe with them.

Luca wouldn't want a life where she'd have to see how the world really works.

She wouldn't want a family like them. She doesn't deserve a broken family like them.

Achilles sighed tiredly as he looks at his glass of whiskey. He's gone far into this habit where he'd lock himself in his office and just drowns himself in guilt and grief until it turns unbearable that he'll have to drink a glass or two glasses.

He just felt tired and angry.

He was tired because of the discussions with his sons.

Enzo doesn't want her to be given away because Luca would be much safer with them. He looked like he genuinely cared for this little girl and Achilles would often see a smile or two on his face and would just wonder how the hell did someone manage to put a smile on his usual poker faced son?

Sydney was so scared. He was scared that he'd hurt someone, he was willing to change. He was practically begging for change. Sydney's always scared of himself that it stings Achilles' heart a bit. This boy would usually just follow him around like a puppy but now he's deciding for himself. For what's best for him.

Gabriele doesn't want Luca. He doesn't want change. He doesn't accept it. He's mad, too mad to notice his brothers. He's too mad to notice his own father's miserable ass. Too mad at Luca, at everyone honestly. He doesn't want to be here. Gabriele doesn't want anything to change. He wants it to stay the way they are and Achilles probably pities Gabriele the most.

After their mother died, everyone just died along with her. Everyone turned into strangers, the world seemed so grey and gloomy, there was no light, no warmth. It just felt cold that day.

But Gabriele felt it the most. If everyone felt cold, Gabriele was the one freezing the most. He was the one who's been affected the most, he was the one who changed the most.

And that's probably why he hates change.

Because for him, change was huge. It always, always brings bad news to him.

Achilles snorted.

If he were a good father, he would've tried to bring Gabriele into a warmer place to stop him from shaking from the unbearable cold.

From the unbearable pain that they'll probably never get out of.

But let's face it, he wasn't a good person to help someone who's obviously drowning.

He drinks to that.

_____

Achilles wasn't a good father.