BTS Sickfics

16. Hoseok: It's All My Fault

Jungkook's POV

It's gonna be an intense day we have been going nonstop, practices, interviews, vocal rehearsals, costume fittings, and photoshoots. It's never ending and we are up at 5 am and get home at 1 am and then back at the same schedule the next day. We have been doing that for a week now, we are all sleeping when we can except for Hoseok and we are worried. Right now I am sitting in the waiting room behind stage as we are running through rehearsal and I see Jin, Yoongi, and Taehyung all sleeping but Jimin, Namjoon, and Hoseok were all on stage still practicing. Like I said we sleep when we can, well most of us, Hoseok I don't think he ever sleeps and he's always full of energy. It was worrisome this moingin when we were all eating breakfast at the hotel and Hoseok just sat there, no smile, no laugh, no talking, and not even eating. That's how he sat for 15 minutes while the rest of us ate and talked, his plate was left untouched when we left to come to the stadium. We set up as soon as we got here and Hoseok is giving rehearsal his everything and we don't normally do that to make sure we have energy for the actual performance. I am about to wake the others for lunch when Jimin, Hoseok and Namjoon walk in.

"How was practicing and did you get that one move down Namjoon hyung?" I asked as I stood and went to shake Jin awake.

"We practiced well and I think that we are ready." Jimin said with a smile and Namjoon nodded.

"Yeah I got the move down, thanks to Hobi hyung showing me." Namjoon replied looking at Hoseok, who has a small pout on his face.

"Hobi hyung, why do you look so upset?" I ask and he just shakes his head. I walk over to the couch and wake up our other three members and we head to get lunch. At the restaurant we order and Hoseok gets only a side salad.

"Hoseok, is that all your eating? Won't you be hungry?" Yoongi asked and Hoseok just shook his head and continued to eat his small salad.

Hoseok's POV

I am eating my salad which I ordered to appease the members. I am not hungry but they would have been suspicious if I didn't eat. Truth is I don't want them to know that I am too exhausted to function, I have been giving this tour my all and that means no sleep, and extra practice. When the other members are sleeping at night, I take my speaker downstairs with me to the hotel gym and practice until 4 am then I go back up to my room and shower. By the time I am done showering its quarter to 5 in the morning which is when Jimin's alarm goes off so I play on my phone until I hear it and then I pretend to sleep. Jimin is normally a light sleeper, but with our busy and tiring schedule he sleeps like a rock, I feel bad for him because of how exhausted he gets. I haven't slept in 5 days and I know it is starting to get to me but I can't perform if it's not perfect. I know Jimin would understand being a super perfectionist himself, but he also cares about us to where he would force me to sleep instead of practice so I don't tell anyone. We are heading back to the stadium to do a final soundcheck and then we get ready, as we are walking out of the restaurant I start to feel a little off almost lightheaded.

"Hoseok are you coming?" I hear someone ask me, I didn't respond, just stood there confused, then I saw Jin in my eyesight.

"Hoseok, look at me." He said and I look at him.

"What hyung?" I ask still confused and Jin looks at me with concern.

"Are you alright? You have been standing here for 5 minutes and we have been trying to get your attention." Jin tells me and I look around to see the others with similar concerned faces.

"Yeah I am alright, just a little spaced out is all." I explain and Jin steps closer.
"Are you sleeping? Why do you have huge bags under your eyes?" He asked and I sighed, there goes my plan of not telling anyone.

"I haven't been sleeping well." I say simply hoping to avoid more questioning.

"How long has it been since you got more than a half hour of sleep?" Yoongi asked and I turned to him and pretended to think.
"The night before last." I answered in a low voice after a couple of seconds.
"Why didn't you tell someone we could have helped you?" Namjoon questioned and I just shrugged after a couple more minutes we were told we had to leave, and I thought everyone dropped it, but I was wrong. I forgot about our quiet emotional member. Jimin keeps looking at me like I am going to break, we just got back to the stadium and he pulls me aside.

"I know it's been longer." He confesses and I give him a wide look.

"How and why didn't you call me out for lying?" I asked and he sighs.

"I for some reason always wake up randomly at like 2 in the morning and you are never in bed, but I am not up long enough to investigate so I just assumed you were in the bathroom or something. Your bed hasn't been touched since we got here a week ago." He answers and I can only look down.

"Please don't tell the others, we have a little brak after tonight I promise to rest and get some sleep but they would be so upset if they found out I lied." I begged and he just sighs again before reluctantly nodding.

Jimin's POV

I don't know why he isn't sleeping and why he is stressing so hard about this tour, we have been doing this for a while and he still gets so tense. I know he lied but I also don't want drama before our show, so I reluctantly agreed to keep his secret. I have to admit though I am really starting to regret that decision. He has taken a turn for the worst, he is missing steps and stumbling around like he is dizzy and he is staring into space again. We are about to go through Mikrokosmos, we get into our spots. I hear Jungkook start and then Taehyung take over and I wait to hear Hoseok but it never comes, the music goes quiet and we all look at Hoseok, he is staring. Yoongi walks up to him and tries to talk to him, when he suddenly collapses, and we weren't fast enough so he hit the stage floor, Hard. Before any of us can react he goes stiff and starts making these choking noises before suddenly he starts shaking like crazy. Yoongi moved first he grabbed his head and held it still so he didn't hit again, but Hoseok was still shaking and I stood frozen only able to hear the sound of chaos from the others and the sound of Hoseok's shoes hitting the stage. I am frozen, and someone comes into view.

"Jiminie are you alright?" It was Namjoon, I don't respond, just keep staring. I feel someone pull me into their arms and down to the floor so I am sitting and that's when it all hit me, I curled into that person and sobbed.
"Im sorry, it's all my fault I should have told you." I said though my sobs.

"Should have told us what hyung?" I now know I am curled into Jungkook. I pull my face from his shoulder and look at everyone looking at me and medics with Hoseok.
"He hasn't slept in like a week, I have known this the whole time but he said he was fine and he would rest." I confess, not brave enough to make eye contact with anyone.
"Why wouldn't you say something?" Taehyung screams suddenly causing me to flinch.

"I, just, I don't know." I respond quietly.

"He is in this situation and all you can say is you don't know, really Jimin." Taehyung screams louder causing my tears to start falling again.

"Taehyung that's enough, he was just trying to help. Right Jiminie?" Yoongi said as he sits in front of me and pulls my head up to look at him and I just nod, the tears still falling. We are all quiet for a minute before one of the medics comes to talk to us.

"We are taking Hoseok, to the hospital, he is severely exhausted and collapsed due to that, the seizure was caused by the impact of the fall and he is stable now, but he will be sore for about a week and maybe in and out of a proper state of mind, are you going to meet us at the hospital?" She explained and Jin thanked her and told her we would meet them there, everyone else walked to the car and Yoongi stayed with me for a little longer.

"Im sorry hyung, it's all my fault." I say again and tears fall again.

"It's not your fault baby, you were just trying to keep him out of trouble and no one esle noticed, so please don't blame yourself, let's just go see him and help him get better yeah?" Yoongi says as he wipes my tears and I just nod and we head to the car where the others are waiting."Im sorry Jiminie, I didn't mean to yell, I was just scared." Taehyung apologizes and I just nod to let him know it's okay. Yoongi and I are in the backseat, I cuddle into him and fall asleep knowing Hoseok is going to be okay.