Metà (COMPLETED)

17. Flight to Hell

"Find out what's giving you this doubt. What's happened to make you feel as though you're incapable of doing this?"

Some of the many hard questions of my life and I was left having to answer them. I sat at my office desk and tapped my pen against my forehead.

So far I'd written down "new agent" and was racking my mind for answers. Dexters wheels creaked as he rolled over to me.

"How are the files coming along," he asked. I looked over at the stack on my left and sighed.

"I haven't really started yet. I'm trying to do an exercise Max gave me," I replied.

"Need help," he proposed.

"I don't know if you can," I said with a smile.

"I can try. What's up," he offered.

"Max thinks I'm doubting my capabilities and wants me to list reasons why I might." He lifted a brow and kissed his teeth.

"Yeah that's some serious digging. Do you think you doubt yourself," he asked me.

I pondered the questions for a bit.

"I don't think it's really doubt. It's just...," I hesitated, realizing what the answer was. "I simply have had a lot on my plate and I've managed to come this far with everything so Kevin not really having something for me to do just made me feel useless."

He nodded and tapped the paper. "You should write that down. And get to reading those files. We need you on this Zhara. You're far from useless and you know it. Max is right; you're capable of more than you think. I think the assignment should have been to write down why you joined the FBI. Find that joy you had when you signed up."

He slapped my shoulder and rolled away.

Great. More questions. I joined the FBI so I could do more. So I could feel the adrenaline I had felt when I was with Marco.

Woah.

I bit my pen cap.

The mafia was illegal—but it was also... exciting.

But the danger it brought my family was greater than anything I got out of it.

The fact that I could experience that excitement while doing good and keeping my family safe made me join the FBI. Because it got me far enough from Marcos world but close enough to the adventure of it all.

I went to write that down, but stopped before my pen hit the paper. I crumpled it up and threw it in the trash beside me.

As long as I knew why I was here, that's all that mattered.

The rest of my day was spent taking notes on the first 3 files on Luca. By the time I made it home, I was exhausted and only seeing letters every time I blinked.

"Sofi," I called out after dropping my bag on the floor. I didn't hear anything.

I frowned. Did my mom forget to pick her up?

I frantically dug my phone out of my pocket and walked into the kitchen, waiting for my mom to pick up.

"Yerekha-,"