Locked Out (Lapidot Human AU)

~ Fitheteen ~

Warning: Attempt of suicide, ptsd attack, harmful thoughts

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Peridot's PoV

So apparently I was sucked in a prank war with Sapphire and Ruby. Sapphire had pulled me into a different room and had discussed a whole plan to soak Ruby and Lapis in their sleep, I didn't really agree infact.
"I have a better idea~" I smirked and whispered into Sapphires ears. "What if we had soaked them in juice, so that they would become all sticky and they would have to wash themselves again" Sapphire rubbed her hands together. Not a site I'd ever thought I'd see "perfect" she evily laughs before walking out, I stood staring dumbly. 'Did that just happen?' My thoughts were cut off by a buzz coming from my pocket, it was Jasper.
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Jasper: so as you know you work for me now, anything in the past is forgotten. Meet me at the top of road coast Mountain in half an hour.

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I look at the time and realise its already late as it is, I grunt shoving my phone back into my ppocke, I'm going to have to try and get Lapis to sleep so I can sneak out. I exit the room and look around. 'Where did everyone go?'
"Gotcha!" I turned around getting sprayed by water. I hissed and ran anywhere to avoid it. "Awee come out kitty~" I heard a soft familiar voice.
"You seriously have some obsession with animals!" I yell back crawling away from her. I made it upstairs only to be sprayed again. "Ah! What the fuck!" I spin around seeing Ruby with a mischievous grin. I push her and run into Lapis' room slamming the door shut and escaping the house from her window.
'Maybe I don't have to convince lapis to sleep, I could head now' I nod making my final decision. I found a way to climb down the side of the house without being spotted and I begin my journey to the hill.

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"Peridot, Big PD, you made it!" I cringe at Jaspers horrible attempt of a nickname. I nod at her anyway and she punches my shoulder. "Ready for your first victim?" She winks and I gulp. "Y-yeah, Who?..." My hands begin to shake and sweat but I try to maintain a straight serious face.
"Aquamarine- Topaz Girlfriend" I smirk as I remember the girl that came to the store yesterday, She was a pain. 'No I can't kill an innocent person!' I began to argue with myself.
'Was she really innocent?' "So? What do you say?" Jasper smirked, I frowned. "I don't actually have a choice do i?" I feel guilt wash over me as Jasper shook her head no.
"Let's do it" Jasper handed me a pistol with a long silencer attached.
I raise an eyebrow.
"Just a quick shot and you can go do whatever nerdy stuff you were doing" Jasper held my shoulder and took me to where aquamarine was hanging out. I had to hide in the shadows. I looked around the area noticing that she was alone, my hands were shaking violently I felt like vomiting. I raise the gun but quickly retreat behind a wall as I heard fangirling squeaks and a bunch of girls surrounding aqua. I groan quietly. I take in a deep shaky breath.

'Peridot dear~ come out'

My eyes widen. 'No not now!' I mentally curse and spin around noticing aqua alone again, I quickly lift the gun up and shoot a quick soft to her forehead. "Bullseye" I hear behind me. I turn quickly seeing Japser. She clicked her fingers and people emerged from the darkness collecting Aqua's body. My eyes widened seeing the body get pulled away.

-Flashback-

I stared at the flashing red and blue lights of the ambulance in front of me. My mother being pulled into the ambulance, covered in blood her face was blue, she had no pulse, my dad was in tears. God knows why. He was the one responsible. He approached me as the ambulance left with my lifeless mothers body. My dad beat her for protecting me. Blood was on the floor where she was beaten then choked to death.

-Flashback over-

"I'm a monster" I say quietly. I fell to the ground. "I'M A MONSTER, I'M JUST LIKE HIM!" I held my head In fear and shock. Thoughts began to fill my head. Voices tell me how horrible of a person I am, how I was responsible for my mothers death.

I hadn't even realised I was walking but when I did I was outside of lapis' window, she was asleep. I climbed inside quietly heading to the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror. My face morphed into my dads evil grin, the horrible face he made when he was satisfied by the mess he'd made. I shook my head violently.

'Peridot, you're a monster'
'You're just like him'
'You should just kill yourself, end your life, its your fault your mothers gone'
Tears filled my eyes I grabbed my hair and pulled. I began to shake, panic, but I couldn't wake up Lapis.
'Lapis'

'What does Lapis want from you, she knows what you've done, she knows how you were responsible for your mother'

"No, no no" I fell to the ground, Staying quiet and letting the harmful thoughts surround me, I look at the razor by the side of the bathtub, I knew how to dissemble it. I crawl and grab it taking it apart for the sharp razor. My hands shook, my head ached, my heart broke. I felt sick to my stomach. I slowly pushed the blade against my skin pulling it harshly up my arm.
'Thats for killing your mother'
The cut was deep but I continued,
Another hard pull.

'Thats for killing Topaz'

Another.

'Thats for running away from your dad'

Another!

'Thats for killing aquamarine'

Another!!

'Thats for telling lapis about your father'

I snap out of the thoughts looking at the deep cuts, blood oozing out. I gasp, my eyes shutting on their own, but I don't let myself fall asleep. I quickly stand, but my vision stops me from seeing things, I stumble over my own feet making a lot of noise, I kick the blade away, pushing down on the cut, a large cry escaping my mouth. This certainly woke up Lapis.
"Peridot?!"
"I'm- I'm fine- just drunk!" I excuse holding my arm tightly covering it up with anything.
"Be careful!" Lapis yells before leaving the door. All sound began to turn to loud white noise. My vision became black as I fall back into the empty bath tub.

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Guys, i am so sorry for this chapter, if you ever feel like anything mentioned just know that there are things out there to help, services and counselors.
You don't have to suffer your pain in silence..