The hope and The brave- Bethyl story

WHEN I REMEMBER

DARYL PVO

Carol has not mentioned my stupid comment. She does stares sometimes but no questions have been asked. Good. I can't sleep at all. I roll all night and try to take the night watches. Rick wants me to rest but it doesn't work if I can't stop me mind. Days go by and sometimes I barely speak. Mainly I talk to Rick or Carol, I avoid Maggie but she doesn't seem to be interested in me or knowing about Beth at all. Maybe she blames me, she wouldn't be wrong. I let my guard down and that cost me... well you know. 

-Have some water- Rick handles me a bottle and I nod. I am thirsty after all. I try to drink the less possible but he insist - Daryl, we need you in shape, man- He uses that stupid tone but he is right. - I know, I am here, Rick - I reply but he grabs my arm - Are you? - He asks and I just wonder why is everyone bothering me. -Yes, Rick. I might not sing or babysit Little Asskicker but I am! - I pout and even though he chuckles, I stare - Do you have anything in mind? We have been walking nonstop and I think they all need to get some sleep - I say changing subject and he nods - I know, after what happened at Terminus... I don't know, Daryl - He rubs his forehead with his hand - Having trusting issues? - I ask and he half smiles - We seem to take swifts, Daryl - He says and I nod - I know it's hard, dude - I say trying to drown every last thought of Beth after they took her from me - We have to at least give them some faith - I say against every inch of my body but Beth taught me that and I owe her the benefit of the doubt. Rick stares and remains quiet for a while. 

Finally he pats me shoulder and smiles leaving me alone again to my own mind. CRAP. I sit down and rest my eyes as the sun is shining so fucking bright. Suddenly I'm carrying her after the walker almost got her. I remember that moment. I won't lie if I say I wasn't nervous. She was hurt and deeper than I thought. That's the thing, you know? I was not used to noticing that kind of stuff. I just shut myself down and that was it. But Beth was, is stubborn. At first I wanted to tape her mouth cause she kept talking but that voice became music and in my world, music was just a noise before her. 

The moment she stopped at the graveyard. Jeez. That headstone was absolutlely devastating. She just stood there and I wanted to hug her and tell her everything would be alright but I couldn't lie. I was starting to get this new blocked emotions, enterily unknown to me and she was not ready for that. I would have been a drag as I am now. I glanced at her and her eyes were lost at "LOVING FATHER"  I remember I thought how lucky she was to have had a father at all. To had Hershell which was an outstanding man. I wish I could have said something but I just picked some flowers and left them there. I did what I could, I stood beside her to let her know she was not alone. Because she wasn't and then I felt her tiny hand reaching mine. It was the most moving moment ever. So I struggled and held it back. Because she needed that, but main reason I needed to feel her too. She was slowly getting to me and I was letting her. Because for the first time in my meaningless bullshit life, something made sense. And I remember she made that happen. I stand up quickly since Rick spotted someone ahead us. I point my crossbow. It seems to be a priest surrounded by walkers. I wonder if Rick is going to help or let him die... Beth would have take a chance on that man... And so will I.