uno - todomomo

x 25 ~ you got what you wanted || todoroki

(three days later)

The rain outside gave everything a bleak undertone that Todoroki hated. And it wasn't because of the gray clouds that loomed overhead, dampening the colors of the world. The green grass was gray, the people on the street were faded. It was days like these when his thoughts slipped from his carefully crafted control and his mind wandered to places that were dark. 

Despite somewhat recovering from the shock of hearing the news about his mom (well, as much as one could recover from the news that your mom might never recover), there was still one burning question at the edge of his mind. Why did Doctor Jaden have to tell him? Why didn't Natsuo or Fuyumi tell him? He knew that Touya was away, but why couldn't his family be bothered to tell him this? Doctor Jaden only called when no one else did. 

It made him angry. No, it made him furious because he was still a part of their family whether he was away at college of not. Granted, he barely ever called, but this shit was important and how was he supposed to know if no one ever took the time to tell him anything? Ever since he had left it was like they were slowly freezing him out and despite not being the kind of person to beg for forgiveness, Todoroki was feeling stung. 

It made his chest ache to think that his family didn't want him anymore. Everyone wanted him. Girls, guys, everyone. But if his own family didn't, then what was the point? He knew he only had himself to blame for that, but his unwavering pride refused to see past the fact that they never told him anything. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Todoroki was trying his best to remain calm as he snapped back to reality and waited for Fuyumi's answer. As always with his family, he could already tell that this conversation that could be calm and mature was going to devolve into a screaming match really fucking quick. That's how the Todoroki's solved all of their problems. They were either screaming at the top of their lungs or aggressively not talking as though the other's didn't exist. It was either fire or ice and there was no in-between. 

"Tell you what, Shouto?" 

"About mom. Doctor Jaden only calls when no one else does, you know that. You knew that she was getting worse and you didn't think that was something important I might want to know?" He could feel his eyebrows furrowing unintentionally as he stared out the window into the warm summer rain. The bleak gray clouds were occasionally pierced by bright flashes of lightning, matching his mood. 

"Shouto, you can't expect to know things if you never check-in," Fuyumi's voice was calm but he could hear her words becoming strained, on the edge of the anger but trying to hold themselves back. Fuyumi was always holding herself back and at the moment it was making Todoroki real fucking mad. She was always holding in her tears, holding in her anger, holding in her grief. She didn't shed a tear when they found out their mom had Leukemia. He always knew it was becuase, despite Touya being the oldest, she felt responsible for her brothers. 

And on some level, Todoroki was grateful to her that she never cracked, even when he was a sobbing mess and even when he couldn't stop the tidal wave of emotions that threatened to split him in half. On some level, he had always been thankful to her for being strong for them, but now he couldn't stand it. 

He couldn't stand the fact that she just wouldn't get angry. Their mom was dying and she was still so fucking calm. Why was she so calm? Didn't she care? Wasn't she upset that the world was doing this to their family, to their mother? 

"Why are you so calm about this, Fuyumi?! Our mom is in the hospital dying. Why are you so fucking okay with that?!" Todoroki knew it was wrong to accuse her of not caring becuase if anything, Fuyumi was the closest to their mother out of any of them. She had stayed home to take care of their mom even when the incident with her ex happened, she put off getting an actual job after college so she could help their mother. But the words rolled off his tongue before he could stop them. 

"You don't think I care?! Shouto, I was always there for mom when no one else was! I was the one who took care of her, I was the one who stayed home while you're at college, and Touya's on his fucking tour, and Natsuo moved out, and Dad was being fucking Dad! I was the one who had to slowly watch her die and get weaker every day!" She was getting mad. She was mad that he left her, that they all left her because none of them could handle the reality of their situation. Tragedy could pull people together, but it had ripped them apart. 

But Todoroki couldn't take that. He was selfish and he knew it. He always had been and he might always be, but he couldn't help it. 

"But I'm still a part of this fucking family! Even dad bothered to call me and you couldn't?! I care too! I'm not some unfeeling robot Fuyumi! I want Mom to be okay too!" He couldn't control the fact that he was screaming into the phone now, his rage boiling over the edge and forcing open the flood gates for his emotions. Why was this happening to them? Why couldn't he stop pushing the people he cared about away? 

"But Shouto, you left! You left us, and you left mom, and you did it intentionally so you didn't have to deal with us and our baggage! You got what you wanted! No one is blaming you for wanting that but it was your choice! So deal with it like a fucking adult!" Fuyumi countered angrily. His sister was an ever-patient person, so when she was angry, she was really mad. He could hear her anger through the phone as he ripped into them for not telling him about his mom.  Something in his mind told him that maybe she had a point. He had been completely absent from their family life since he left for college, and of his own free will too. But it would be a cold day in hell when he actually admit that to himself. His stubborn pride would make sure of that. "You got what you wanted-" 

When he hung up on her, he couldn't control the wave of nausea that overtook him, the tightening in his chest, the way his throat suddenly felt dry, or how it felt like there wasn't enough air in the world to keep him standing up straight. He collapsed to the ground, his knees hitting the hard floors of his dorm room, his phone hanging limply from his hand. 

This wasn't what he wanted. I mean, it was. But it wasn't. He wanted to escape the crushing weight of his mother's condition and the inevitable fact that she would be gone soon and there was nothing he could do about it. He wanted to escape his father's screaming when they did something wrong and the brokenness of their household. But he still wanted them. They were his family. He had to still want them. 

Fuyumi was right. He had gotten what he wanted, just not in the way he wanted. 

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a/n ~ sorry this chapter had like, not a lot of todomomo in it. but i felt like this plotline is important to todoroki.

word count: 1271