Fearless

60

The next few weeks things got a little better. I wasn't sick anymore and I had been going to therapy with the encouragement of Colby and all of our friends, I wasn't 100% but I was getting there. They diagnosed me with post partum depression and PTSD, which wasn't a surprise considering everything that happened.

We postponed wedding dress shopping and honestly all wedding planning until I was feeling up to it. We weren't in any real rush. Yes, we did have a date for it but it wasn't set in stone yet so Colby said he wanted me to be my best self before we started diving into the planning part of the wedding.

Mia was doing really well, she's grown so much already and is already showing so much personality at only two months old.

We filed restraining orders against both Jason and Jen, and won our lawsuit against Jen where she was found guilty for attempted murder. I know it sounds a little harsh but if Sam and Kat didn't go to the restaurant to investigate I could have honestly went into sepsis and died.

Today was the day I was going to ask the girls if they wanted to be my bridesmaids, Colby and I decided that we would have Kat and Sam be the maid of honor and best man, and then Devyn and Tara would be the bridesmaids and Jake and Corey would be the groomsmen since we wanted a smaller wedding.

"You're sure you're ready to start planning things again?" Colby asked as I laid with Mia on the floor, "I'm sure, I'm feeling okay." I said and looked up at him as he nervously played with his helix piercing. I held my hand out to him and sat up so he would grab it, "I'm okay." I repeated and pulled his hand so he would lay on the floor with us, Mia giggled and kicked at the little baby piano I got for her.

Colby smiled at her and grabbed one of her hands, wiggling it to make her laugh more, "promise you'll tell me if you get overwhelmed?" He asked but kept his attention on Mia, "I promise." I said and grabbed her other hand mimicking his motions. Mia smiled and looked at us with those big blue eyes, "I'm really proud of you." Colby said randomly causing me to look over at him, "for what?" I asked and sat up, straightening out the shirt I was wearing, "just for always being so strong." He said and sat up also, "you just amaze me." He said and kissed my head.

"I couldn't do it without you." I said and turned to him, he smiled at me and pulled me in for a sweet kiss. We both got up off the floor and I picked Mia up. "Did you need help asking the girls?" He asked as I rocked back and forth, holding Mia. "No I think I can handle it, I'll see you later babe." I said and handed him Mia. As I turned to walk out of the room he pulled my arm back, turning me. Before I could ask what he was doing his lips were on mine. I smiled into the kiss and then pulled away, "okay, see you later baby girl." He said then turned with Mia in his arms to walk to the rocking chair.

I giggled and left the room, then went to go grab the necklaces I bought the girls. I wanted to make this extra special because they meant so much to me, so I got us all necklaces, mine had a clear crystal, Kat's had a blue crystal, and Devyn and Tara's had a green crystal. All of them had a plain silver chain. They were really simple but I thought they were gorgeous.

"Hey guys?!" I yelled from the living room, "what's up Cora?" Kat asked and came out of her room, "I need to talk to you, Tara, and Devyn." I said and sat on the couch. "Ooooo I think I know what it's about!" She said and I pressed my finger to my lips, telling her to be quiet.

Tara came out of her room and sat next to me, she was texting a long detailed message in her phone and hadn't even looked up yet, "you good Tara?" I asked and she laughed, "yeah Jake is getting me frozen yogurt, I'm sending him my order." she said causing me to laugh as Devyn came out of her room and sat next Kat.

Tara put her phone down then looked up and met my eyes, "you ready?" I asked and she nodded, "okay so you guys know you mean a lot to me right?" I asked and started pulling the box of necklaces out of my sweatshirt pocket, "yeah we know." Kat said with a smile, "well I was just wondering if you guys wanted to be my bridesmaids." I said and held out the two green necklaces to Tara and Devyn, "and Kat...do you want to be my maid of honor?" I asked and they all looked at me with wide smiles on their faces, "yes!!" Kat squealed and attacked me with a hug, "absolutely!! I can't wait to be a part of the most beautiful wedding of the century." Devyn said then hugged me next. "Of course I'm gonna say yes I love you!" Tara said and tackled me next

The other two joined in the hug and we just group hugged for a second, "how are you feeling by the way?" Kat said and pulled away to look at me, "I'm okay...taking everything one day at a time. It's by no means perfect and it never will be but I'm just so grateful to have you guys here to support me. I wouldn't be here without you." I said and looked down taking a deep sigh.

My mind went to the moment I told Kat about my diagnoses of PTSD. She sat with me on the floor as I cried. "I'm so scared, Kat. I don't think I can do this." I sobbed out into her shoulder, "you can do this girl, you have us to support you, we won't let you sink." She said and just held me as Sam and Colby just watched. Both of their faces were filled with a pain that I couldn't describe.

"Earth to Cora..." Kat said and waved her hand in front of my face, "sorry, I just got lost in thought. What did you say?" I asked and folded my hands in my lap, "I just said Sam wants to pick up Chinese food, what do you want?" I shrugged, "My regular I guess, let me go ask Colby what he wants." I said and got up to go up the stairs,

I walked in to see Colby singing a lullaby to Mia. My heart melted at the sight completely, "please don't take my sunshine away." He finished and I walked in. "How long were you standing there?" He asked with a smile as I leaned against the doorframe, "only a minute, come downstairs, Sam is bringing home food." I said and reached my hand out to him as soon as he put Mia in the crib.

He smiled and took my hand and we walked down the stairs, I froze halfway down causing Colby to stop, "we can't leave Mia up here" I said quietly causing him to wrap his arms around me tightly, bringing me a sense of comfort.

"It's okay, relax, she's gonna be fine, you're gonna be fine. Just breathe." He said and helped me breathe through my little episode.

I was healing but I would still have these moments of doubt where I would get really freaked out about little things, like leaving Mia's side. Colby was always so great about getting me through those moments though and for that I was grateful.