Fearless

82

I sat on the couch downstairs, wrapped in a blanket as a movie played in front of me. Colby brought me a bowl of icecream and kissed the top of my head before sitting down next to me. I immediately leaned my head onto his shoulder as I stared blankly in front of me.

It felt like I was going through a huge breakup, or as if a loved one died. I couldn't even try to understand it though, because I initiated it. I knew that she didn't care about me and I knew in my heart that I did the right thing. It was just really difficult to process.

"How are you feeling?" Colby asked and brought his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his chest. I chuckled, "like I broke up with my mom." I said quietly and laid my ear against his chest, right where his heart was beating. "You didn't break up with her, you did what was best for you. I'm so proud of you." He said and rubbed my back slowly.

"Did you call my dad?" I asked and finally started eating the icecream in front of me. "No, I thought you would want to tell him." He said as I nodded, "that's probably a good idea." I mumbled, "just call him when you're ready. I'm sure he would want to hear about how much of a badass you are." He said with a laugh and I rolled my eyes, "I wouldn't say that." I said with a small laugh.

"No I'm serious. I don't know anyone who would be able to do what you did. You're truly the strongest person I know." He said and rubbed my arm soothingly.

All of the roommates eventually came in, but they didn't bring anything up even though I know they heard my screaming.

It felt like the whole world could hear my screams, that's how loud they were.

"So the bachelorette party is next week, are you still down to have it?" Kat asked as Colby played with my hair, "yeah, I don't see why not." I said and gave her a small smile.

I knew I would bounce back quickly from this, but for right now I was going to let my heart hurt. I would be fine in a couple days. "Great! You know what that means, boys. You have to leave." She said and looked at Sam, Colby, Jake, and Corey.

Corey gasped with a huge smile on his face, "you mean we get to have a sleepover?! Maybe we can....kiss during it." He said with a laugh and Sam got up to jump into his arms, "just like old times!" He yelled as Corey caught him, dying of laughter.

I pulled the blanket around myself a little tighter as Colby got up to join them, making us all laugh, "you guys are losers." Tara said as they all started rolling around together. The pain in my chest went away a little as I watched them just goof off, I just watched them for a second before standing up. I dropped the blanket on the couch then started to walk out of the room, "where are you going?" Kat asked and frowned, "I'm gonna go check on Mia, and call my dad." I said and gave her a small smile before turning away again.

As I went up the stairs I could feel the pain looming in my chest, I was scared to tell my dad about it. What if he got upset with me? What if he ended up hating me too?

I noticed I was shaking as I got to the top of the stairs so I took a deep breath before continuing. I was going to get through this.

Once I felt a little calmer I went to the bedroom, then called my dad.

"Hey squirt, everything okay?" He answered and I took a deep breath, "I cut off mom." I said and felt a shot of pain in my chest, "what do you mean?" He asked and I took a shaky breath in, "I told her I was done, I told her that she was dead to me." I said and broke down, feeling the fresh wound of her saying it back come back. "Sweetie..." dad breathed out on the other end, "I think you made the right choice.." he said gently, "why couldn't she have cared earlier?! Why couldn't she have cared 11 years ago?!" I sobbed out, holding my chest tightly.

"I don't know sweetheart, I don't know. What I do know is that you are stronger than this. You were right when you said I raised you to not take shit from anyone. Don't let her break you down like this, squirt. Don't let her get to you. You'll be okay." He said as I sat on the floor, pulling my knees to my chest, "I know. I know I'll be okay, and that I did the right thing. I just let that little hope I had in my heart die today. I let her go fully, and it hurts. It hurts to lose a mom even when you know she never loved you." I said quietly, still trying to compose myself. "I know honey, I know. You did the right thing though. I'm proud of you sweetheart." He said and I wiped my eyes, "I love you." I said and took a deep breath, "I love you too, you're going to be okay." He said and I nodded,

"I'll be okay." I agreed as Colby came into the room. He looked at me for a second and I gave him a small smile, then patted my hand on the ground next to me so that he would come sit down. "What are you going to do the rest of the night?" Dad asked trying to change the subject so I could calm myself down fully. "Probably just relax. It's been an eventful day." I said with a small laugh as I rested my head on Colby's shoulder.

He took my hand and held it in between his, as if he was trying to stop it from shaking, then kissed my head. "Tell me about what you did today." Dad said and I smiled slightly, "we mapped out the seating for the wedding. The venue is beautiful Dad, I can't wait for you to see it." I said and heard him chuckle, "I can't wait to see it. Is it still okay if I bring Michelle? I don't want to make th-" he started and I shook my head,

"Bring her. I want to meet her, and I think it will almost make this easier. I hate seeing you so lonely dad." I said causing him to laugh, "I'm not lonely!" He yelled defensively, "whatever you sayyyy." I said looked at Colby, he smiled at me and brought my hand to his lips. "What's she like?" I asked and put the phone on speaker so Colby could hear him.

"She's amazing, Cor. I met her after I got out of the hospital, we were in the grocery store when she couldn't reach something on the top shelf. I offered to grab it for her and she let me, we got to talking and I found out she has a daughter around your age. I told her about you and we just got sucked into a wormhole of conversation" he said as I looked up at Colby, both of us had huge smiles on our faces,

"We started going on dates and I really got to know her, I think I might be in love Cora." He said happily. I smiled uncontrollably, "I'm so so happy for you daddy." I said and he chuckled, "I can't wait for you to meet her." I leaned into Colby more, "we can't wait to meet her." Colby said and dad laughed, "Colby how long have to been there?" He asked and Colby smirked, "just long enough to hear about your giiirrllfrieeend." He teased.

"Don't tease me son, I may be old but I have a few pranks up my sleeve that I'll get you with at the wedding." He said making me giggle, "bring it on grandpa." Colby said with a laugh.

I love how close they have gotten, it felt like they were really related at this point. Them being so close made the ache in my chest mean a little less to me. I didn't need a mom, I had everything I needed right here.

Just then Mia started crying and I sighed, "that's our cue dad, I'll talk to you later?" I asked and he hummed, "talk to you later. Love you guys." He said as Colby stood up, "love you too!" We said back then hung up.

Colby helped me up off the ground and we walked to the nursery.

"Good morning princess!" Colby cooed and picked her up as I went to go set up to feed her. "You want mommy?" He asked as I looked up to see her reaching for me. "Here's mommy," he whispered and handed her off to me.

As soon as she was in my arms she stopped crying, she looked up at me with her big blue eyes and I smiled. I loved Mia. I loved her more than anything else in this world.

That's how I knew I made the right choice with cutting my mom off.

I needed to show Mia what a mom really was, I didn't want her to see the broken relationship my mom and I had.

I needed to give her the motherly love that I never got to have.

I made a promise to myself right now, that I always would.