Cruel Destiny | Kylo Ren

Indulge

The small, metal, data drive had twirled in my curious hands, through fingers and back onto my palms, all week long.

It was as light as wispy air, but baring with my future responsibility, it weighed as much as my heavy shoulders, which seemed to now carry the pressure of the whole galaxy above them.

Even when the drive wasn't in my grip, it was always carried in my sock, hidden beneath the leg of my pants, and I could never forget it was there, for it was cold against the flesh of my ankle – Reminding me of the sharp distance between Kylo and I.

Four and I sit in his small, square room. It was a room and that's it – Four bland walls, the furthest one had a tiny window, which was slightly off centre, more slanted to the left than the perfect middle. There was no kitchen or bathroom in here, they were all shared communally for the lower ranking workers; My room was the exact same to the tiniest, invisible details, like the numerous cracks in the white tiles.

We felt as welcomed as a dirty pair of boots to a clean carpet.

I suppose, The Resistance were generous to spare our, traitorous, lives; But they were certainly making it clear in a subtle way, that we still didn't belong and nor will they ever – Like that famous phrase I have repeated since I was seven – Embrace us with open arms and welcoming.

The galaxy through this window, looked the same as it did out of my own which was down the hall; But the view could never compare to the show that would spectate the glimmering void through the lens glass, which was the wide window in Kylo's quarters.

My heart aches and burns to bathe beneath those brown eyes once more, and I was fighting a battle everyday, waiting for that moment to finally come. I had questioned The General and Arion, nearly everyday, regarding their intel of where Finalizer was and had it been fixed yet?

But everyday, I was smacked with the same answer, "There is no intel. The Resistance still has no knowledge of the ship's whereabouts."

I roll my eyes to myself, clearly hearing General Leia's voice in the back of my mind as it had repeated so much that it had stored itself in my metaphorical cabinet like a broken recording.

I slide the metal through my thumb and index finger, lost in thought.

"What's that?" Four asks, raising an eyebrow from over on his bed.

I flicker my eyes from the window and over to him. I sat in his wheelchair by the pane and he lays tucked beneath the sheets, even though it was way passed lunchtime already.

"Nothing." I roll my eyes and force a smile on my face. "Are you going to get out of bed today?"

I slide the metal back into my sock.

Four shrugs on his side and then rolls his shoulders so he is now laying on his back, with his legs so awkwardly intertwined that it would be so uncomfortable if he could feel them. 

He sighs and lays a hand on his stomach, "No reason to." He deadpans and soul aches for his loss.

"– It's better moping in here than doing it in a wheelchair for all of The Resistance to see."

It's so strange to notice the hope in him dwindle slowly. Everyday that boy who always wished to fight and win, became the shell of a broken man who couldn't even walk away from his own running mind. He once looked so confident in his uniform, but when the lightsaber was taken and was replaced with a wheelchair, I could see the damage that reflects in the metal. This was entirely The Resistance's fault; My heart aches with apprehension and guilt for the betrayal I will eventually give to Four, a betrayal of loyalty to a shattered friend.