Cruel Destiny | Kylo Ren

Love And Rage

In the groggy state of mind during the fine minutes of awakening, I glare at the ceiling, needing it to crumple upon me for that will feel tangible in the midst of my emotional conflict. 

I want to scrub away the aching reminder of the confrontation off my skin until it is bright red or bleeding and I want to poison the aftertaste of my hurtful words. 

Kylo shouldn't have acted so possessive and demanding yesterday; And I shouldn't have been so dismissive and ignorant. We were both in the wrong and upon reflection, if we had just both taken time to calm the storm instead of adding lightning strikes of attack, we could have understood each-other and worked our way around it, instead of standing our ground of mindless egoism. 

Getting up, I decide I should probably go see Three and apologise once more for both Kylo and I's behaviour, for it obviously made her uncomfortable and more fearful than she already was.

Stripping down and combing my hair with my hands, I twist the shower dial onto warm and let the steam fog the mirror that I stared dismayed into as I took in my own appearance; I was dull even beneath the depressing cotton that hid my body, the scar on my abdomen fading from that bright purple and into a beige line – Even I was losing my colour, matching the same tone of my uniform which somewhat represented the lifeless tincture that marked every wall of this barren place. 

Sighing, I step into the shower and my toes finch when they touch the burning ceramic floor. Turning down the heat of the spray, I let my hand fall beneath it before letting it then beat over my head in steamy rivulets, lifting my other arm in the air so the water wouldn't ruin the cast. 

The water pours down and drips by my sides that were still forming back into their usual shape and my mind fades into dullness, replaying visions as everything real around me, becomes only a foggy illusion in the hot mist. 

Closing my eyes to the water as the heat soaks into my frigid skin, I lean against the slippery tiles behind me as my weak legs threaten to buckle. My mind was in tatters and I couldn't get the broken, seething face that scowled to me last night, out of it.

Running my hands over my rippled, silver scar, I am lost in the thought that everyone who walked this ship or was casted beneath the shadow of the Empire, was loosing the gleam in their eyes and the exuberance of their souls – I have to get myself and the others out of here before they are lost completely.

Kylo was going to be difficult, but hopefully we can get over our bicker and remind ourselves of the thing that grows within our hearts; I hope my heart can sway him to stay beating beside it forever-more. 

Eventually, when my mind is spiralling so fast it may soon malfunction, I roll my eyes and twist off the shower – Even in my privacy, I can't get away from the tearing hands of The First Order and all the destruction they have caused. 

Slipping into a new uniform, I always feel as if I am an imposter in the unison that these threads provided – But when I don't put on my headscarf, I smirk to myself as I lean against the small drawers. At least I could expose one truth to me in this dull place as my blow-dried hair falls over my shoulders.

Before exiting my bedroom, I glance over to my bed – A tug to the devices that laid beneath the mattress, calling me to use them now, for The Supremacy's location was folded into a tiny piece of paper that I had shoved beneath my cast, and so was the location to the place where The First Order had grouped up all their kidnapped children and mind-washed them to call it a home.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I say a silent, 'soon,' to the devices, shutting the hatch behind me shortly after and trudging over to the main hatch to leave.