Pinky Swear, Allyship (Completed)

CHAPTER 33

I didn’t know that promises could be this painful after all. All I really thought back then was that, when someone promised you a thing, you can feel a pounding joy of happiness but by now, you can feel heart ache from it because you know there are promises that are not subjected to be granted. 

“Gael,” hindi ko na naiwasang tawagin siya sa pangalan niya. 

“Sa’yo lang and I didn’t know why I am still keeping that promise even though it’s too late for that shit.” He sighed and glanced at me. Sumikip lalo ang dibdib ko ng makita ko ang mata niyang sumisigaw sa sakit. 

“I’m sorry.” I feel my tears coming down on my cheeks but I still control myself from bursting out. 

“For what?” he asked me. 

“For not listening on your side,” I heard him chuckled and I see him massage his temple looking frustrated and pained. 

“Don’t be sorry. It’s my fault, anyways.” 

“No,” I managed to look at him even though I think my face looks devastated from crying. “It’s not just your fault, Gael.” 

“Let’s not talk about this in here. Umuwi ka na,” 

“Do you still love me?” I was carried away with my emotions that I unconsciously asked him that thing. “Never mind.” I turned my back on him and stepped out on his office to traipse on my desk. 

I feel my tears all over my cheeks. They are not stopping and my chest feel so tight like it holds lots of grudges that I am not will too willing to throw away. Why do I have to feel this way again? 

“Akala ko ba okay ka na, Bella? Kaya ka nga umalis diba, because you wanted to heal yourself pero anong nangyari sa’yo?” I whispered to myself while managing myself to wipe my tears from falling. 

The pain is still in here. Nawala yung sakit ng unang panloloko subalit yung kay Gael ay nandito pa rin. The pain is still living inside me. But why do I keep on crying when I all I know is that I already forgave him? 

Napatawad ko na si Gael at hindi ko alam kung katangahan bang sabihin na kahit paulit ulit niya akong saktan ay ayos lang sa akin dahil alam kong sa kanya lang ako sasaya at hindi na sa iba. Siguro nga ay pinaniwala ko lang ang sarili kong hindi ko na siya mahal dahil ang buong akala ko ay kasal na siya ngunit ngayong nalaman kong hindi pa ay parang buong puso ko muli siyang tinanggap sa akin. 

Kahit masakit, Gael, kahit masaktan ako ng paulit gustong gusto kita ulit mahawakan sa bisig ko. At kung pagiging martyr ang tawag sa taong katulad ko ay hahayaan ko ng matawag ako ng ganoon. 

I don’t want you back because I need you back on me. I need you right here. I need you to say you love me back. Kahit ako na ang gumawa ng paraan para bumalik ka sa akin, kahit gaano kasakit pa ang magiging kapalit noon, gagawin ko. 

Kahit magpanggap ka na lang na mahal mo ako, kahit hindi na totoo, Gael. Basta bumalik ka lang ulit sa akin. 

“Ihahatid na kita,” napabalikwas ako sa upuan ko ng makita ko si Gael na nakatayo sa harapan ko. Mabilis kong iniwas ang sarili ko para punasan ang mga luha ko at minadaling kuhanin ang gamit ko. 

“Hindi na, sir. Mag co’commute na lang po ako,” 

“Ihahatid kita, Bella.” He said it with finality. “Hindi naman siguro kayo maghihiwalay ng Fiancé mo kung ihahatid lang kita sa condo mo.” 

Biglang gusto kong matawa sa inaasal niya. Hindi ko alam kung tama bang hayaan ko siyang maniwala na ako nga yung ikakasal o sasabihin ko sa kanya. Baka kasi sabihin din niyang pinagmukha ko siyang tanga.