-Can be read as a stand alone-
Heart: In the streets of Atlanta it is what many will die behind, and what many will get themselves killed trying to prove.
But for some, heart comes naturally. It doesn't have to be proven, it is simply there from th...
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"I hope she's waiting for me. Everywhere she go, they playin' my song That's why I say the things that I say that way I know you can't ignore me" •••
It was crazy what a year could do to the mentality of a man. It seemed like it was lifetime ago that I was driving down the East Atlanta streets hating myself and feeling as if I was the most toxic contributor to the plight of the people living here. In some ways I was absolutely right in my assessment. In other ways, I was just projecting a lot of internalized disdain that I had for myself and found no other productive way to get rid of it.
Now as I rode down the streets as I headed over to Red's house to meet him things were so much different and I was damn grateful and proud of the blessing of peace that I'd received. I had to earn every ounce of it that I felt at this moment, but it had been a more than worth it fight. In so many ways I was the same. There were parts of my character that I didn't want to change any way, and they hadn't in a bad way. They'd simply gotten more refined, stronger, and focused. Then in other ways I had done complete, necessary one-eighties.
I'd lended myself over fully to the things that I was passionate about in the past months. It was the only way I could keep from turning back to the busyness of street work. I'd dived into my spoken word work and painting, going as far as to share those pieces of me public much more often. It was uncomfortable at first, but in practice I found healing and self-reflection. I found the ability to identify and articulate the feelings I had, and my fears that laid dormant or active. I found a way to release them that wasn't detrimentally violent and it worked. My temperamental tendencies had died down sufficiently in response to that. I was still quick to get mad sometimes, but I was slower to act on it. I tried to think things through a hell of a lot more now, and saw there were other ways to handle ignorance that wasn't always beating somebody ass. I was damn proud of that development in myself.
Part of me learning that one had been because of the work I did that I was currently leaving from in East Atlanta: working at schools with kids in the arts and in business development skill programs. I used the extensive amount of money I had through my LLCs and investment company to fund money to multiple schools from elementary to high school. In addition to that, I did actual mentoring with high school kids because of suggestions given to me by my mother and Ms. Josephine. I didn't think that would work at first because of my mouth and demons, but I found that being a mentor was probably my biggest blessing in disguise.
Those young men I helped had been become like little brothers to me. They reminded me so much of myself it was scary sometimes, but it was in that commonality I was able to help them see that they were capable of doing so much with their lives. They didn't have to be rendered to the streets. Anything they wanted to do they could because if I could do it so could they. However, regardless of what I thought I was teaching them the true teaching was occurring to me. They were showing me the accountability, insight, and absolute fearlessness it took to persevere through the hands that this crazy thing called life had dealt us. If it wasn't for those lessons, I wouldn't be where I was at right now: A man who wasn't scared of fucking up, a man who was able to accept his past and his scars. A man who was willing to fight for what he needed in life and everything those needs entailed.
