CHAPTER 30
They say that home is the safest and secure place in the world but why do I feel like it wasn't?
I was eight. I was nine. I was ten. I was eleven. I was twelve. I was thirteen. I was fourteen. I was fifteen. I was sixteen. I was twenty.
Sa murang edad na dapat ay naglalaro sa labas at nasasaya ay naroon ako sa kwarto ng aking ama habang ginagawa ang gusto niya.
Lumaki ako sa takot, kaba, galit at pandidiri.
I got traumatized. I'm so scared but I got nothing to do but to be quiet.
I pushed and shut people out. I felt so dirty, I don't deserve them.
I was sixteen when I pushed my friends away.
Sobrang bigat na kasi ng aking puso kagaya ng aking nararamdaman. Sobrang dilim ng aking mundo. Tumutol ang aking ama sa aking pangarap, ginahasa niya - nila ako, namatay si Lola Ethel. Nagsabay sabay ang lahat at para na akong mawawala sa tamang pag-iisip. Ang gusto ko na lang gawin ay ilayo ang sarili ko sa mga tao.
Kung hindi lang kasalanan ang pagkitil sa sariling buhay matagal ko na sigurong ginawa. Oh, the irony.
I built a greatwall within me from everybody even Manang Precy and Ate Reena. I told them to keep quiet about my situation, they did. I owe and trust them but I don't want to be a burden.
Galit ako sa Diyos noon, pero mas galit ako sa Tatay ko ngayon.
Tatay ko bang maitatawag 'yon? Hayop.
I questioned God. I questioned my life.
Bakit ganitong buhay ang mayroon ako? Bakit ako pa? Anong ginawa kong kasalanan para parusahan ng ganito?
Para akong tinalian sa leeg gamit ang kadena, minamanipula ng aking ama. Hindi ako makahinga. Ang hirap gumalaw. Lugmok ako sa kadiliman at hindi alam ang pupuntahan.
Tumuntong ako sa college na walang direskyon ang buhay. Mahirap harapin ang kada araw pero mas lalong humirap dahil sa mga kaklase kong walang ibang ginawa kun'di pakialaman at laitin ako. Wala silang alam.
Wala na rin akong naging balita pa sa aking ina pero sana masaya na siya.
All my life I've been enchained by my father's violations and manipulations. All my life I've been enchained of fear and darkness.
Until I met this man, I never knew I would see again after years.
I lost my hope but he pushed me to strive.
The man who made me feel loved and special.
The only man I loved and trusted. Emman.
But just like what I believe there's no forever at anything or anyone, everybody leave so he is. He proved it to me.
The man who broke my heart for the second time around.
Pero ayos lang. Kung hindi ko siya nakikilala hindi ko mararamdaman kung paano sumaya at maging malaya. Ayos lang, kahit panandalian lang.
"Manahimik ka! Pokpok ka, 'di ba!?" Kasabay ng malakas na sampal sa'kin ng aking ama ay kasabay nang pagsampal sa akin ng reyalidad ng buhay ko.
Ako, si Melody Joy Zelaya. The girl who raped by his own father. The girl who raped not just once but I lost my count. This is me. This is my reality.
Marumi ako. Patapon ang buhay. Basura.
Simula noong malaman ng tatay ko ang nangyari noong wala siya ay hindi na siya tumigil. Kung gaano ako kasaya at kalaya noong nakaraang buwan kasama siya, ganoong lungkot, takot, galit naman ngayon. Walang humpay akong pinarurusahan ng aking sariling ama.
BINABASA MO ANG
Unchained Melody
General FictionEmman, a legma student, was enchained by the responsibilities and expectations for he is the grandson of their family. He was longing for serenity and a break from chaotic life in Manila until he met this enigmatic girl from NU Laguna.