Reborn From The Void

Chapter 14 - Escape

(Your POV):
Everything after that went by in a blur. Clint returned the power-restricting bands to my wrists. Steve and Natasha rushed in from having taken down Erksine's guards and immediately started yelling, demanding to know what happened. The three of them scrambled to find the information that they had come for while I was instructed not to move from my spot beside the body.

Eventually, I felt a tug on my arm and I allowed Steve to escort me out and back to the Quinjet. No one spoke a word on our ride home and I wondered if I had just ruined everything. I was finally lightening up to the idea of joining the Avengers, to try to right all of the wrongs I had committed, but now I had shattered what little trust they had in me.

We arrived in the hanger and as the landing platform of the Quinjet released, I could see all of the Avengers not on the mission waiting for us. I kept my gaze down, afraid to meet anyone's eyes. Tony stepped forward and placed thick handcuffs around my wrists, causing me to fight back the tears welling up in my eyes.

Steve kept his hand on my shoulder as led me to the elevator, pressing the floor that my cell was on. He sighed as he glanced over to me, "I don't know why you did it, you had strict instructions and you disobeyed them."

That was where I snapped. I had made a mistake and it had cost me the trust of every single Avenger. All I had done was protect myself by killing an enemy of the Avengers, but I knew they wouldn't care my reasoning for it. They just saw the monster that I was. So that's what I was going to leave them with.

Before he could anticipate anything had changed my demeanor, I kicked Steve in the back of the knees, causing him to buckle forward. Now that he was closer to the ground, I threw my arms over his head and pulled him into a chokehold. While fighting against my grip with his left hand, he used his right in attempt to press the emergency button.

I pulled him further against the back wall so that it was not in reach and he gasped up at me, "you're making a mistake."

Anger flashed in my eyes, "no, I already made the mistake. Now I have to save myself."

Steve finally passed out in my arms and I checked his pulse, double checking that I had not overdone it. The elevator doors opened and I dragged him out onto the floor, not bothering to put him in the cell and returned to the elevator to make my escape.

I remembered what Clint had told me, you probably wouldn't be able to make it to the lobby without getting caught. That much was probably true. So why not go where they wouldn't be looking for me.

It didn't not take long for the elevator to make it to the roof. And as soon as the doors open, I was sprinting across the top of the building, deciding that I would check to see if the Avengers had left the hangar yet, that way I could steal a Quinjet and be out of their reach a lot faster.

I noticed the foot far too late. I was sent flying through the air and landed harshly on the ground. My body ached from the force of the slam, but I forced myself up into an attack position as I faced whomever it was who tripped me.

"Natasha, I should have realized that you would figure out where I was going," I growled, wishing that it was any other Avenger besides her.

"Is Steve alright?" She asked watching my movements carefully.

"He's just unconscious. I suggest you let me go before I do the same to you."

She raised her eyebrow, "you think you'll beat me in hand to hand combat when you have access to neither a weapon or your powers? I think we've proven time and time again that you won't be winning this fight."

"Except this isn't training, my life is on the line."

"What makes you believe that we'll kill you if I manage to take you down?"

I scoffed, "I just attacked an Avenger, Nat. They're not going to let that go lightly. Even if you decided to let me live, I'll just be caged like some animal. I will not be treated like that again. I am more than that."

~ TW: There is an attempted suicide ahead, feel free to skip the rest of this chapter of until the ••• ~

Making it seem like I was going to lunge at Natasha, I ran passed her and to the edge of the roof. I knew that I didn't have anything on this suit to save me. There was no way out of here. But I wasn't going to let them lock me up again. And if they wanted me dead, well then it was going to be on my call, not theirs.

"(Y/N), stop!" I heard Natasha cry out as she realized what I was doing.

My stomach dropped as my feet no longer fell down upon solid ground. The now familiar feeling of plummeting through the air returned to me and I couldn't seem to get any air into my lungs. I tried to close my eyes and focus on my breathing, but I couldn't even out my breaths, if anything it made it worse. The tears that threatened to fall on the roof now streamed freely down my face as I awaited the impending force of impact below.

When I smashed into something, I knew it was wrong. I was still conscious, I was still living. And I still felt like I was in midair, only being held onto by something. I opened my eyes to find myself in the arms of Iron Man, panic returning to my body. I began to fight him, trying to wriggle out of his grasp.

•••

"Hey, kid, it's ok. We're not going to hurt you, ok? Calm down, let's just get you to solid ground," Tony tried to reassure me, flying me back up to the roof as it was closer than the street below us.

I moved away from him as soon he let me go, scared of what they were going to do with me. His suit disappeared as he stepped towards me carefully, clearly trying to keep from scaring me.

"I told you that it is ok, (Y/N), we are not going to hurt you. But will you at least tell us what happened at Erksine's office?"

"I-I didn't mean for it to happen. But he came in and had a gun pointed on me, I just did what I was trained to do," I explained, my eyes darting nervously between Natasha and Tony, desperately trying to read their reactions.

"So it was self defense?"

I nodded, "but would anyone believe me? I am a monster, everyone here knows this. I've killed people without cause for years. And if you want to know the truth, I don't regret killing Erksine because it was wrong, I only regret it because of the consequences that have befallen me. That's who I am, the Avengers haven't changed me. And I'm scared," I confessed, tears welling up in my eyes.

Natasha stepped forward and, surprisingly wrapped her arms around me, "it's ok to be scared, (Y/N). I was scared shitless when Clint first turned me and I became a S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent. I didn't think that I deserved the second chance, I thought I would forever remain the monster that they made. But I haven't. S.H.I.E.L.D. may have also relied on my lack of empathy and ability to kill, but with the Avengers it's different. I'm not serving anyone here. If I am uncomfortable with a mission, I can voice that. I no longer have to rely on superiors telling me where to go and who to kill, it's quite liberating actually."

"But aren't I just following your orders? I'm in the same circumstances I was in with H.A.M.M.E.R. And every mistake I make, I'm afraid that it is going to be my last," I spoke, wondering why I was being so open with them. I wasn't even sure I could trust them, I shouldn't be letting them see my weaknesses, I shouldn't be crying in front of them.

"You're not a mindless soldier here, (Y/N). You have a say in what we do and, more importantly, you have a say in what you do. You can do as much as you feel comfortable with, we're just trying to offer you a second chance."

"And if I don't deserve it?"

"If they could give me one, then you certainly deserve it as well," Natasha assured me, giving me a small smile, something I had rarely ever seen before.

-

(A/N): Ok, I'm somewhat disappointed in the Agents of Shield episode for tonight, it wasn't as fun as I thought it was going to be (I mean, who let Mac and Deke loose in the 80s and then have it be so dark?) Also, not even a glimpse of Daniel in the preview for next week, I'm so sad. Also I just did something to my tongue while yawning and now it really hurts so we're living the life.

Anyway, enjoy this dark chapter and let me know if you think I should throw in a trigger warning because you did try to commit suicide, but with the amount of death in these books, I wasn't sure if it was necessary.