Promise

33.

Lucy
It was midnight and i was sitting on the roof. I couldn't sleep because i was way to nervous for what would happen to next day, mrs Middleton would leave her house empty behind. She had already sold most of her big furniture pieces and would leave the rest behind for the next owner. The last time i had visited her she had sold her couch. The room looked so empty without it, it felt wrong.

I looked up at the stars and wondered if my parents were watching me right now. Sometimes i felt like this was all just a weird dream, i would just wake up and my parents would be right there together with my brother. A cold breeze flew through my clothes making me shiver. I put my knees up to my chest and my arms around me, trying to warm myself. But my bare feet and legs weren't really helping so i decided to just go back inside.

A looked around my room that was still quite empty and picked up my notebook, a picture fell of it. It was a picture with mrs Middleton and i sitting on the bench we had painted together. My brother was the one who took the picture. I smiled at the sight of it, i looked so carefree and small. The relationship i had with mrs Middleton had always been a complicated one. One day we would be best friends and i could tell her every silly story and on an other day she would be a strict old grandma who wanted me the behave my best. That was also why i didn't tell here everything, i wanted her to be proud of me and see the best version of myself that I could be. But now she also knew about my weak side and i hated that. I was scared that that would be the side she would remember, a weak little girl who hides behind doing somebody else's chores because she was to scared to go home.

A soft ticking noise broke my train of thought. It had started raining, raindrops hit my window at a fast pace. I always liked it when it rained, it was peaceful and freeing in a way. It felt like the rain was washing everything away and you could start over, make a new fresh start.

I walked over to my bed and pulled the box with my parents stuff in it out for underneath the bed. I sighed and pulled the small shoebox that was my mother's out of the box. I opened it and gently grabbed the ballet shoes with both of my hands. The ribbon was soft and the shoe was in perfect condition, it had never been worn. I looked at of the window and took a deep breath, it was time to make a fresh start. I tiptoed downstairs to the back door with the shoes in my hand. All the guys were sleeping and i just hoped that that would stay that way.

I carefully opened the door and let my foot hit the wet, cold ground. A shiver ran through my body, it was freezing outside in the rain with only a big hoodie on. But there was no turning back now. I put my other foot on the ground and closed the door behind me. The stones hurted under my feet so i quickly ran towards the grass. I relaxed a bit when i felt the grass in between my toes. I didn't care about the rain, i barely even felt it. I sat down on the grass and took a deep breath before i slowly put the shoes on. The memory of the chain flashed quickly before my eyes when my hand ran against the scar. I let my head fall back and tried to let the rain wash the memory away.

I stood up with the shoes on and felt immediately like a was able to fly. A big smile appeared on my face as slowly put my weight on my right foot, it didn't hurt anymore. I was free of the pain, free of the memories that came with the scar. I felt a genuine happiness that i hadn't felt in a long time.

"What the hell are doing?" A voice sounded from behind me. But it didn't scare me or worry me. I turned around with a big smile on my face and looked at Ashton's who was standing in the doorway with his pyjamas on. I ran smiling towards him and grabbed his arm. "What are you doing, it is raining outside. You're going to get sick."

I ignored his words and pulled him outside onto the grass in the pouring rain. He went along with it most likely because i didn't give him another choice. I opened my arms and put my head to the sky. Ashton followed my example still a bit confused. "Do you feel it?" I said to him.

"What i am suppose to feel?"

"Do you feel all the bad memories wash away?"

I put my hands down and looked at him, he did the same. "Do you feel free?"

He smiled and whiped his wet hair out of his face. "Yes, i do"

I smiled and jumped up. "Come on, dance with me." I yelled to Ashton while i jumped circles around him. He he also jumped up and ran trough the grass with me, laughing and screaming.

The pouring rain turned into a few lost raindrops and i sat down on the ground to catch me breath. Ashton sat down next me, out of breath he said "That was one of the weirdest things I've ever done."
I smiled at him "But also the best one."

I let myself fall back on the grass and looked up the sky, it was clouded and i could not see a single star anymore. Ashton had lied down next me and i turned my face towards him. "Do you believe in heaven?" I asked him with a soft voice.

He turned himself on his side and put one arm under his head as a support. "I don't know, i think that there isn't really a heaven. But i do believe that when people die they can go to place were they can rest until there soul is ready to move on."

"And what happens then?" I asked him.

"I don't know, that is up to somebody way above my pay grade." He said smiling at me.

I didn't smile back and went to look up at the sky again.

"Why did you ask me those questions" he asked hesitantly as if he spoke out of place.

I sighed and looked back at him. "I don't believe in heaven or hell, but i still want to believe that my parents and brother are waiting for my somewhere. Like they're at a train station right now and the train won't leave until i join them. " i paused for a second and pulled some grass out of the ground.
"But that's kinda silly isn't it?"

Ashton grabbed my hand "I don't at all think that that is silly. It is a wonderful thought."

I gave him smile and sat up. I now had noticed how cold it exactly was outside. Ashton also get up and offered me a helping hand. "Why don't we go back inside before one of us gets sick. "

Before i reenterd the house i undid the ribbon on the shoes on slipped them off. Ashton pointed at them and asked "Were those your mothers?"
"Yes they were. Do you think she'll be mad because I've ruined them?" I asked him as if she was upstairs right now looking for a reason to ground me.

Ashton put his arm around me. "No, i think that she will be proud of the person who is wearing them right now."

Ashton gave me one of hoodies to wear, which i was very grateful for because I didn't have one myself anymore. After i had showered and dressed myself i went to Ashton's room. I knocked on the door and when he gave permission i opened it. He was sitting on his bed watching tv. "Can i sleep here tonight? I'd rather not be alone right now."

He gave my a big smile and tapped the empty spot next to him on the bed.
"Jump in."