Fate Of The McCalls - Whisper of Destiny

ELIANNAS FATE

I had fallen asleep on the floor next to bed and woke up to someone banging on my door. I get up and open it up to a very stressed and worried Lydia. I raise my eyebrows at her as she pushes into the room. "EL, you can't scare me like that! Why haven't you been answering your phone?! Last time that happened y-you weren't okay, El. You scared the shit out of me." I flinched at her mentioning my suicide attempt.

After my dad left my anxiety and depression were at an all-time high, I had started distancing myself from everyone and had some pretty bad mood swings. After a little while mom was gone so much more for work. Scott was always with Stiles and were trying to give me space, but it had felt as if they had shut me out which logically, I knew that they weren't but for some reason I had convinced myself they didn't want to be around me. They had gone on a camping trip that week with Mr. Stilinski. Lydia was gone that summer in Paris with her family which left me at home alone a lot. I had tried to call my dad a few times but as usual he wouldn't answer the phone. I had been sitting against the tub in mine and Scotts connecting bathroom and I tried to call Stiles, Scott, and Lydia quite a few times when I didn't get an answer from any of them I had somehow convinced myself that everyone around me would be better off without me here. Deep down I knew I wasn't alone and how loved I was by my family and friends but with depression it messes with your head. It feels like you're drowning and struggling for air while everyone around you is breathing without any effort at all. Its like this black wave is pummeling you down further and further into a dark abys until you break onto the cold hard ocean floor that is choking and crushing you, all the while there's a voice in the back of your head screaming at you to let it all go that you aren't worth it, you aren't good enough for anyone to stay for, you deserve to be alone, no one wants you that you are the biggest burden and the biggest mistake to ever have to be involved with. Up to that point I had been able to handle the depression, but it had all boiled over and I had drowned in it. As I sat om the cold tiled floor against the tub I made one more attempt to call my mom and Scott, neither of them answered again so I left Scott a voice mail telling him that I loved him and that I was sorry for not being strong enough and not being the sister that he deserved and told him to tell mom I loved her and to always be there for each other. After I hung up the phone, I pulled the box cutter out from under the bathroom sink and shakily ran it across my wrist. The cut was deep and bleeding heavily and I just stared at it crying even harder as the scarlet liquid traveled down my arm and onto the white tiled floor. I cried over what this would do to my loved ones and over never getting to see them again. I knew the pain this would put them through, I felt guilty and selfish I leaned my head back on the side of the tub as the scarlet liquid pooled around my thigh. I sobbed harder when I heard my front door opening knowing that someone was inevitably going to find me like this. I heard two sets of feet running up the steps and through Scotts room when Scott and Stiles busted through the bathroom door eyes widening at the scene before them. Scott drops to his knees beside me holding pressure to my wrist asking me desperately why I would do this to myself and to hold on, but I was already getting light-headed and tired. Stiles handed him a towel and told him to hold pressure as he was calling 911. I just kept sobbing, repeating that I was sorry for this and I was sorry for not being the sister he deserved. As the ambulance arrived and the EMT's worked on me and moved me into the back of the ambulance Scott called my mom and refused to leave my side as Stiles called his dad so they could follow us to the hospital. The last thing I could remember before waking up at the hospital was Scott begging me to be okay and the medic putting me on oxygen and trying to slow the bleeding. When I woke up Scott was asleep on one side of my bed and my mom on the other. Stiles was asleep in the chair right next to Scott and his dad was standing in the doorway with swollen eyes from crying. The next few days I was watched closely by everyone Scott and Stiles refused to leave my side and mom, Scott and I had a heart-breaking heart to heart. I had mandatory therapy sessions two times a week for six months and everyone smothered me. The worst part was the depression medication they made me feel like a zombie.