A Thousand Moments

Chapter 15- I Won't Give Up

Alanna Sky Bauer

The sun started rising as I was playing my guitar, with every strum the sunlight dances along with the music I'm creating, as the sun hits my face I felt the warm light touch me with the wind caressing my face. The sun embracing me alongside the wind felt like Astrid's hug, warm, real, placid, it made me feel like eveything around me faded, my emotions de-escalate, my thoughts hushed, it made me feel like I was safe, that in this moment, at least, I exist.

After seeing the sun rise, I decided to go back to prepare for school. Driving back, I kept my windows down letting the cool morning breeze inside as rays of sunlight also enters the car. My lips formed a smile remembering Astrid's embrace earlier, remembering how she just knew what to say, how she knew what I needed. Thinking about her was like having a storm inside my mind, first the calm feeling of having her in my in my head then comes the disarrayed thunder of thoughts and emotions. Suddenly, a frown replaced my smile and the gleeful sensation replaced with worry. I need to stop thinking about that, I need to stop thinking about her, it would make it harder for me trying to avoid her, I can't run back to her and I need to keep that in my mind. As soon as I arrived I readied myself for school and as usual I would arrive just in time before the bell rings.

148th.

Calm before the storm.

How am I supposed to face her now without scampering towards her?

Walking through the school's hallway, I wished I wouldn't see her 'cause I don't know how I'd hold myself back anymore, feeling drained from everything that happened I'm starting to need her, I want her beside me again. But everytime I start to want her back I am reminded of the fear at the back of my mind, in my mind's eye a painful scenario would play, one where she's tired, where she gave up on me, and one where she was miserable, and that would hold me back from running to her. I would be a danger to her then if I don't stop myself.

Luckily, she wasn't anywhere around on the way to the classroom. I stopped before entering the room.

Okay you'll see her inside, just don't make eye contact.

As I enter the classroom I took a deep breath and immediately sat on my chair without looking around. The room was full of students gossiping, talking, laughing, but all the noise around me couldn't even silence my mind, I laid my head on the table and closed my eyes trying to relieve myself of the emotions that's building up again in me. All I could see whenever I close my eyes are memories I made with Astrid. Daisies, moon, treehouse, dancing, everything about her.

Still lost in my thoughts, I heard the bell ring. I composed myself and sat properly, I'd still keep my eyes on the ground refusing contact with everyone. The teacher entered the class along with Astrid, I tried to keep myself from looking at her.

As she walked pass me me, she left a note on my table.

"I'm not giving up :)" the note reads

149th.

Note.

Huh? What does she mean?

I kept reading the note again and again until I noticed a figure stand close to me.

"Hey Aaron, can we exchange seats? I already asked permission from the teachers" said Astrid as she leaned towards my seatmate

Oh so his name's Aaron... Oh my God, please don't let her.

Aaron looked at her with confusion