A Thousand Moments

Chapter 39- Before You Go

Alanna Sky Bauer

I woke up from my sleep, pain immediately rushed through my body, it felt as if the world was pulling me down as I got out of bed. The thought of not having her here tore me apart. I had no one to hold anymore, no one to tell my thoughts to, no one to share a perfect sky with. If she loved me, why did she leave me? Was I not enough reason for her to stay? Was there something I did wrong? A lot of questions were still left unanswered and will forever be unanswered because she's gone, she's not coming back. It was beinh like a star without a sky, a moon without the sun, a river without water. With her gone it fwlt like galf of me was too and there's no way of getting it back.

I remembered when we first met, I was a disaster, a bomb waiting to explode but then she came, she saved me from myself. She fixed me when I couldn't even handle myself, she saved me when I thought I was nearing my end but I couldn't even do the same for her. She's wrong, maybe I didn't truly see through her, I couldn't even help her fix the mess she was in. Tears started rolling down my eyes as this horrid pain crept up my heart until I was left empty, suddenly the thought of wanting to die had crossed my mind again

"Will you let me go?"

Her voice echoed through my mind as I remembered her words

"No" my answer never changed, I won't and I still can't let her go, with every tear I wipe comes another until it becomes unbearable.

It was already midnight when I woke up, I walked to the garage and started my car. I drove out of town going to the city. The night was peaceful but it only reminded me of her, flashes of yesterday haunted me how she laid there lifeless, how close I was to here yet it felt like an unfathomable distance was between us.

The stars were still burning brightly hanging in the sky while the chaotic city has died down a bit which only amplified the terrible thoughts in my head. One of those thoughts came true, who's to say another one won't. I stepped out of my car and walked towards the company's entrance. I looked across the street and saw the shop where the '1000th' sign used to be

She saved me.

I climbed up to the top floor and took the stairs to the rooftop, my mind was clouded with thought as I stood near the edge.

Here I am again, running. Running from pain, desolation, depression, and emptiness.

Now I'm running again, running away from a world without you.

Empty thoughts, agonizing pain, my foot was about to step over the edge.

"Alanna, stop please!" Dad shouted

"Come to me please" he continued

"You don't have to do this" said Amarra

"I know it hurts, trust me but please don't do this" she added as she reached out her hand to mine

I started sobbing refusing to come down

"Please sweetie, come down, I-I can't lose you please" dad begged

"I-I don't have her anymore dad" I replied as rain of tears cloud my eyes

"When you rejected me she was there, and when you were gone Amarra she was there, now that she's not here anymore I don't know what to do"