A Thousand Moments

Chapter 4- Daisies, Sunsets, and Tears

Alanna Sky Bauer

"Where are we going?" I asked Astrid as I looked out the window admiring the beauty outside as we pass one place to another

"You'll see, it's an hour away from town" she replied, grinning as she steals a glance

"What's with all the secrecy?" I jokingly asked then looked at her

"I can't tell you if I want to surprise you" she replied as she laughed

Where are you taking me Astrid Summer?

A few minutes had gone by and we finally arrived at the place she wanted to show me, it was a large field along a road that was barely used by travelers or passer-by. No cars or houses were around, just us.

"Okay, we're here, step out of the car and tell me what you see" said Astrid, her smile getting wider

As I step out of the car I was greeted by thousands of daisies of different colors planted on the field. It was like everything beautiful is here all at once.

"Daisies" I replied

I was astounded by the beauty of the flowers that I didn't notice Astrid stand beside me.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" Astrid asked while she crossed her arms and looked at the field.

"Very beautiful, it's like all the colors of the earth gathered in one field" I answered still in awe of the beauty in front of me

"How did you find this place?" I asked in confusion

"I try to find places most people can't find, and most of the time they're the most wonderful places, this is one of the places I found and it's like finding an untouched treasure that you wanna keep to yourself to admire. I was told that there's a story behind this field of daisies" Astrid replied as she sat down near the car.

"What's the story?" I asked

"Come sit with me, I'm gonna tell you" she replied

I sat down beside her, with my full attention was on her, while we also admire the daisies that spreads all throughout the field

"They said that this used to be a secret dating place of an old couple but then fate tore them apart, the man never saw his beloved again, he wanted to die but instead he waited, and in his waiting he planted daisies everyday saying "one more", he eventually reached a thousand but she didn't return, he was about to give up but he didn't, instead he waited for her for several more years, the daisies grew and soon the field was full of them, he hoped for her return, he planted thousands more of daisies until finally she came back" Astrid narrated and I can see how much hope she has in her eyes as she tells the story

"The flower daisy symbolizes hope, these daisies are a symbol of his hope that one day she'll come, if he had died after reaching a thousand, he would have never seen the return of his loved one" she added her glance slowly turn towards me

I can't wait for a thousand more moments after this Astrid, I've made up my mind. Everything's a mess, my dad is burdened by me and my sister too, that's why she left, I wanna stop this hell for everyone. Living a life full of misery, loneliness, and anger and bringing it to other people's lives too isn't worth living at all. Once, I had also hoped that maybe someday thing's would be different, maybe it'll get better but everything just kept getting worse, until finally I decided I don't wanna live anymore.

Silence filled our sorroundings before Astrid could speak again.

"But if a thousand moment is all you really want to have, then can I get to know you before the last moment?" Astrid suddenly asked

"I wanna get to know you Alanna Sky" she added

I smiled at her and nodded.

Together, we watched the sunset. The sun slowly setting filled the skies with such majestic colors in bright orange, and yellow. Stars slowly appeared in the sky as the sun's light slowly fades and the darkness of the night slowly sets in. Soon it was dark, the day was over again, just like that.

I want to get to know her too, before the thousandth moment. Before everything's over for me, before I finally attain the peace I've always wanted to have.

4th.

Daisies and sunsets.

After that little getaway, me and Astrid spent more and more time together, days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. We have gotten closer. Each time a moment comes, I treasured it more and more, thinking if these thousand will be the last moments I'd have, I wanna make it special that somehow I can leave this place knowing that I the last memories I made weren't of unhappiness, and pain.

••••

Driving back home from school left me with the feeling of fear, fear that every feeling that my mind neglected all day would come crushing back all at once, leaving me with nothing again but tears. At home, everything falls back down, I feel the desolation, hearteache, loneliness, and hopelessness that has been at the back of my mind before I came here.

The sullen house has become even more unbearable for me now stripping me of all the hope I gathered. My dad also came home less and less, and even when he does I still couldn't catch a glimpse of him as he would lock himself up in his room. The house would become a reminder for me that once again I am alone, and will always be.

I parked my car at the garage, the place was echoing in silence that even your own heartbeat has become audible. As soon as I entered the house I sighed with my breath shaking from hindering the tears falling down from my eyes. I walked to my room and locked myself up, I lost the appetite to eat dinner knowing it would make me feel more miserable than I am right now. I settled my things on my study table and sat at the edge of my bed. I covered my face with my hands as my tears along with my emotions become difficult to control.

As my emotions overwhelm me I feel the numbness seeping in making everything harde to bear. Life has become more burdensome than before. Feeling happiness, even just a little bit made it hard to endure the pain that comes after.

While my emotions were taking over me me I heard dad's car in the garage. I tried to ignore him but a part of me wants to feel the comfort that I am not alone inside this bleak house, that even though he despises seeing me, I'd still feel the comfort of having my father here.

I heard his footsteps inside the house, usually he'd go staright to his room, but I suddenly heard him stop and sat on the couch. I opened my door just enough to see a glimpse of my dad. I was utterly astonished by what I saw somehow making me forget about the emptiness I was feeling.

My father went home sober, for the first time in a few years, I saw him was crying. He tried to surppress the sound of his cry but unbeknownst to him I can already see him. He kept crying for a few minutes before he finally composed himself and stood up. He walked to his room and as usual locked himself.

The sight of my father crying made me feel less lonely. It felt as if I had someone I share the burden with even if we don't talk. For years I would see him come home drunk but today I saw him cry, for the first time I didn't think of my father as a monster. Seeing him cry made me remember that he's just a human too, that he's also hurt from everything that's happening, that he also lost us, his family. Thousands of thoughts came into my mind that maybe he also misses my sister, maybe he's still mourning mom, maybe he felt that we were all taken away from him.

Evrything that happened exhausted me, my tears were dried, I felt my body get weak, I suddenly felt my eyes become heavy and without even knowing, I fell asleep on my bed.

52nd.

The first moment I could ever associate with my father being vulnerable.

My father's tears.