A Thousand Moments

Chapter 36- Anxiety

Alanna Sky Bauer

"We're back here again" said Astrid

"Every moment of pain comes back whenever I see this treehouse but there's also this sense of comfort and serenity here knowing we've also made beautiful memories" she continued while staring at the treehouse

"This is a place of memories, some I just want to forget and some I just wish I could relive" she walked closer to the treehouse as she uttered those words

"But sometimes pain and heartache can overpower making me wish I could just restart again" she added

"You asked me what happened earlier" she lowered her head as she walked towards me

"Dad came to us saying that he's cutting all ties with us, it's not like he was always present in my life but knowing he wanted to make it official hurts" she tried to stop her voice from shaking

"He's still my father but am I still his daughter for him?" She raised her head, her eyes were overflowing with tears

"Mom refused and said if he wanted to cut ties with her it's okay but he has to take me" she wiped away her tears

"Mom wants to send me away with dad, but once dad heard it, he refused and said upsetting words, I only hoped he only said it out of anger" she continued

"What did he say?" I asked her

"Like mom, he blamed me for what happened that day, he refused because he said that everytime he sees me he's reminded of something he wished he could forget" she answered

"He couldn't even look me in the eyes, it hurts that the people I love doesn't even want me around them, they're passing me to each other like I'm some old you they wish they could get rid of... my own mother and father" she wiped traces of her tears and forced a laugh

"I'm sorry" those were the only words I could say as I hugged her

"I'm here for you okay?I know I'm not them but I want you... and I know my family's not much but they want you too" I uttered as I continuously pat her back

"If you need to let it out, you can, I know you're strong but you don't need to have your guards up with me" I uttered

"I hope I make you want to be vulnerable with me as much as I am to you" I added

She bursted into tears and held me tightly. Her tears, like iron blades cut my heart in half. Her cries echoed through the place. Snow started to pour as if the world knew how she was feeling, the sky cried ice-cold tears that amplifies the feeling of melancholy that surrounds us.

We headed inside and warmed ourselves up. Astrid looked around the treehouse and I could see the grief in her eyes, I once thought I could replace the horrible memory this place brought her but now I realize that maybe sometimes the pain is stronger than happiness. Her longing and yearning for bliss radiates through her insincere smile. I knew she realized I was staring at her once she looked back at me.

"You're lucky" she uttered before sitting right next to me

"Why?" I asked

"You forgot your past, a clean slate, a chance to start over" she continued

"What do you mean?" I asked her baffled at what she said