I waited until midnight, but Ron still hadn't returned. My heart aches at the thought of him being with her and comforting her while I sit here waiting for someone who's probably not coming back. I didn't want to point the finger at him, but my mind was playing tricks on me. Scenes of him neglecting, yelling at, and hurting me keep replaying in my head, as if he's the worst person I've ever met. My stepmother was even worse.
"Wala ka bang planong matulog?" Napalingon ako sa kakasara lang na pintuan kung saan pumasok ang aking nakatatandang kapatid. Until now, I still can't believe that he's really my brother. "Stop it, Aki." I immediately turn my eyes directly on him who's looking at me with his slightly piqued and piteous eyes.
"What?" I innocently asked.
"Stop waiting for him..." Tiim ang bagang na nag-iwas siya ng tingin. "...stop looking for him, and stop hoping for him. He's not good for you, and he will never be good for you." Ibinaba ko ang aking paningin at hindi sumagot. Narinig ko ang malalim niyang pagbuntong hininga.
"I'm not." Halos pabulong kong sagot. Nagulat ako nang lumapit siya sa akin at mahigpit akong niyakap. He lightly caresses my face with his left hand, while the other taps my back as if lulling me like a child. "I'm not, kuya. It's just that.." When I started crying, he immediately embraced me tightly. "..i-it's just that I l-love him so much that I can't stop m-myself from doing things that I... I m-mean I didn't want to wait and h-hope for him, but.. b-but.."
"Shh. Stop crying, Aki. It pains me seeing you cry and suffer like this. You deserve the world, and you deserve all the happiness after everything you've been through." I had to force myself not to cry. Hearing my brother's croaky voice aggravates my pain even more. "You're nice, beautiful, hardworking, patient, and enthusiastic about everything you do." Aki, you don't deserve to be treated this way. You don't deserve phony, half-baked love." I bit my lips so hard when the pain pierced through my heart hearing the last line from my brother's lips. Ang marinig sa kaniya na ang pagmamahal na natatanggap ko kay Ron ay hindi totoo ay mabigat sa pakiramdam at masakit. My brother had known Ron since I didn't know exactly when. He's his band mate, and he's probably witnessed Rin and Ron's love. Something true, fierce, and irreplaceable. Hindi katulad ng sa amin..
I unwillingly woke up when I felt a soft touch on my hand. Celestine's carefree expression is what I see when I open my tired and heavy eyes.
"Good morning, Ate! Ang sabi ng doctor puwede ka na raw lumabas mamaya." Matipid na ngumiti ako sa aking kapatid na malawak ang ngiti sa akin. She looks so happy, but she can't fool me. Her eyes are screaming pain and fear.
"What's the problem?" Kinagat niya ang kaniyang labi bago umiling at tumawa. Tumungo siya sa lamesa at kinuha ang pagkain na malamang ay para sa akin.
"You need to eat, Ate! Ang payat-payat mo na kaya. Kuya and ate Cass are also concerned about you." Maybe, she didn't want to walk about it.
I don't want Celestine to go through what I went through. I wished I could shield her from all kinds of pain, but I know it's impossible. All I can do is stand by her side, guide and support her in whatever decision and path she chooses. Life, in its own unique way, teaches people lessons through experiences. At hindi ko maipagkakailang alam kong darating ang panahon na kakailanganin ko siyang pakawalan at hayaang matuto na tumayo at lumaban para sa kaniyang buhay. Dahil gaano karaming beses ko mang ipangako sa kaniya na nasa tabi niya lang ako palagi, time will come that we need to grow and learn apart.
"Huy ate!"
"A-ano 'yon?"
"You're spacing out again! Gutom lang 'yan." Agad niya akong sinubuan ng kanin, at isinunod ang gulay at soup.
