My Soul Belongs to AkaRen/Renkaza

Forever? Forever.

Kyoujurou's eyes were tired, but they refused to let Kyoujurou sleep. A thought is drumming in the back of his head, a loud, terrifying thought. His gaze is still fixed on his lover in front of him, laying in the same bed, sharing the same blanket, his soft, pink hair curling as it meets the pillow, Akaza was facing him, laying on his side, he's still light in his sleep, since he had just drifted off a couple of minutes ago. Kyoujurou is hesitating, his fingers clutching at the fabric of the mattress, he chews on his lower lip, trying to ignore the suffocation that he feels in his chest, trying to drown the haunting thoughts that he had known throughout his life.

"Akaza," he calls out in a hushed tone, half-hoping that Akaza stays asleep, half-hoping that Akaza would open his eyes, it would be enough to hear his voice, that was enough to bring comfort to Kyoujurou.

It was quiet, really quiet in their bedroom. There was a faint chirping of the insect, another breeze enters the room, a wave of nostalgia crashes down at him. He clawed at the bed, no, the thoughts aren't loud, rather, they are quiet, brief, like the gray, rumbling clouds before a heavy storm. It looms over him, like a sudden rain, it hits down on him when he doesn't expect it.

"What is it, Kyoujurou?" Akaza answers, he rubbed at his eyes, feeling more awake by the seconds as anxiety and worries pooled at his stomach. "Are you alright? What is it?" Akaza's eyes were now wide open, he could feel his heart drop, thumping furiously when he notices the way that Kyoujurou's lips tremble. "It's okay, I'm here," Akaza's hand covers Kyoujurou's cheek, his thumb stroking the skin. "What is it? Tell me," Akaza leans just a bit closer, caressing at the back of Kyoujurou's head, Kyoujurou's breath hits his skin, a shaking exhale, then a difficult inhale.

"I'm scared, Akaza," Kyoujurou whispers, his lips dry as it moved, his gaze moving away from Akaza's eyes with a blink. Akaza ran a hand through his blond strands soothingly, he listened closely to Kyoujurou's voice, he sounded so vulnerable, like a cracked glass, ready to tumble off the edge, and indeed, he was so, so terrified.

"I'm afraid of where we might go when we leave this world," Kyoujurou closes his eyes, trying to collect the thoughts, to throw them into the ocean that is Akaza's eyes, to throw them away and let them sink and never remember it again. He failed to breathe in smoothly, as if there were rocks blocking his airway, despite that, he gathers enough air to continue.

"Afraid of when I die, I'd forget you, I'd forget everything, forget this, simple, idiotic, foolish happiness of this mortal world.

I'm so, so afraid of losing...

...Afraid of losing you-"

Something breaks in him at the end of the sentence, his tears fell from his eyes, which were shut tight but doesn't succeed to halt the liquid that escaped his eyes, he muffles his cries by pulling up the blanket to cover his mouth. Akaza gently tugs the blanket away, and lays his forehead over Kyoujurou's.

"I don't want to forget-" Kyoujurou says with a hoarse voice, trying to sound his words between his sobs. "I don't want to lose you," his fingers found Akaza's wrists and tightened around them, his breath stuttered, and another whimper left his lips.

There was nothing as excruciating as hearing Kyoujurou cry, Akaza finds it just as hard to breathe just by watching his lover's tears to trickle down, leaving his flushed cheek to be absorbed by the fabric, leaving a stain that will soon fade in the morning like it never existed. Each sound from Kyoujurou stabbed at his chest, repeatedly. Like a heavy stream of a waterfall hitting at him, the vibrations tore at his lungs, he could feel his own eyes watering, blurring his vision and threatening to fall.

With their foreheads still against each other's, he intertwined their fingers and places a kiss onto Kyoujurou's hand, knowing that this wouldn't be enough, nothing would never be enough. It's true, after all. All of this... Is just one beautiful fake that none of them wants to let go of.

He'd rather live in a dream, not the bitter, terrifying truth.

"Kyoujurou," he propped himself up with his elbow, mumbling at Kyoujurou's temple before pressing his lips over the skin, he secured his grip on Kyoujurou's hand, not too rough, and not too loose, just the right amount of strength to pass on that intense affection, care and his own hopes to Kyoujurou. He lowers himself and finds Kyoujurou's eyes again, those troubled, frightened eyes, staring back into his own. He kisses the wrinkles that had formed as Kyoujurou tightened his brows, trying to smooth it out by giving him comfort.

"I know, I know how scary those thoughts are," he tells him, with hope buzzing in his chest, somewhere within him, heartache gripped at his soul. Kyoujurou waits for Akaza, the darkness in their room dusked at his sunset-colored eyes, like the preceding twilight before the stars emerge in the night sky.

"But please remember, in this pitiful life of ours,

We're here, we're together at this moment."

Akaza manages a smile, covering both of Kyoujurou's hands with his, he holds onto him, spreading warmth through the contact of their skin. He pulls their hands to his lips, then presses it at his chest.

"Even if you forget..." Akaza says, his voice certain without hesitation, his eyes twinkle in unwavering belief.

"This moment still exists,

And it will never be erased."

Another bead of tear slides down from Kyoujurou's eyes, but this time, his lips curve into a smile. Akaza kisses his tear-stained cheeks, their hands parted, Akaza's hand cupped Kyoujurou's face, while Kyoujurou had one hand at Akaza's waist, another on the side of Akaza's face. The corners of Kyoujurou's eyes were red, the moonbeam reflected off the lingering tear, sparkling as Kyoujurou's smile widen as Akaza nudges his nose at his cheek.

"My happiness when we're together, my love for you, my thoughts of you, my dear Kyoujurou,

-will never ever be erased."

He says, almost like a pure vow, with a relieved smile, and a longing gaze, he slides closer, letting their noses touched. Akaza really does wish that Kyoujurou would know how much love and adoration he held for him, he felt so desperate, that it pains him. He wished so hard, so hard that Kyoujurou would hear him, his heart that beats for Kyoujurou, his wish that we would make upon a shooting star.

Akaza closes in, pressing a soft, comforting kiss onto Kyoujurou's lips. Kyoujurou's eyelashes fluttered when the pair of lips left his, Akaza's eyes are still so beautifully tranquil, like the soft waves of the ocean, its melodies pacifies Kyoujurou's mind. He nuzzles closer to Akaza, dipping just below his chin to fit himself into the safe space that is Akaza's embrace.

"I love you, Kyoujurou."

Akaza's love wasn't unheard, as Kyoujurou's fingers found his shirt, gripping at the fabric in front of his chest. He nodded his head, his arm secured around Akaza's waist. Another smooch was placed on top of his head, fingers combed through his locks.

"I love you too, Akaza.

Forever."

In their bedroom, the consistent cry of the insect, the breeze blowing at their window, and Kyoujurou's steady heartbeat. Akaza leans his face against Kyoujurou's head, he inhaled, the air mixed with Kyoujurou's brief scent.

"Forever."

He whispers quietly, this night, forever carved in both of their hearts.

Kyoujurou finally finds peace in his mind, the sun shone through the gray clouds, and he was enveloped by warmth. Even when he dreams, he doesn't feel lonely. He knows Akaza is by his side, cradling him, his heart beating along with Kyoujurou's, with their faces and contours imprinted in their minds.

Always, and Forever.

They will remember each other.