In An Alternate Galaxy: A Collection of Star Wars Oneshots

Joy

a/n: fair warning this one is a sad one. I've had this saved in my notes for a loonngg time, because it's not the usual style I write in, but I deal with negative emotions through writing about them. I'm mucho sorry it's a sad oneshot, especially with so much sadness happening in the world right now. may you all see that every life is deserving of love and life and black lives are no exception. may the world see the injustice we've dealt black people for centuries and may our government, nation, and own friends and family finally wake up and act upon it. #blm

ps. this is a oneshot of ben solo's death from his own perspective

When she looked at him, he couldn't tell her. His words froze on his tongue. He couldn't tell her his strength was seeping away. He couldn't even tell her how much the kiss had meant to him because if he opened his mouth, it would be the last breath he breathed. So he held his breath. Held his tongue. Her face, though bloody, was far more perfect to him than he had ever let himself admit. He heard a quiet urging to let go, to join those who fell before him. But he resisted. He fought. He trembled. He could feel her react beneath his fingers. In his heart he could feel the love she had tried to hold back for as long as he had. He dared not cry. He would not let sorrow be the last emotion he felt, because for for the first time in a very long time he felt joy.

And that, that would be what he would die knowing.

He would know joy and feel joy and it was joy that radiated from her eyes and the fingers that were tangled in his hair. He could hold his breath no more. The white-knuckled grip he had on his soul began to slip. Every inch of him strained in an attempt for one last kiss. One last touch. But he had no more to give.

And so he died knowing joy.